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sTEP PARENTING- I AM WANTING TO TAKE A CLASS TO HELP WITH A BLENDED FAMILY

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:35 PM
  • 18 Replies

Anyone know of online classes or classes in NM for blended families or step parents?

by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:40 PM
I don't know of any, but you could contact a local family counselor and they could probably help you or point you in the right direction.
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mommadana
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:41 PM

 You might check with your church, if you attend, as they may know of one in the area or online or with your local family support services, or whatever they are called.  It's never easy, but the SKids are worth it 

Dana      you rock 


weddingcountdown.com

Pero2
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 6:22 PM

 


Quoting mommadana:

 You might check with your church, if you attend, as they may know of one in the area or online or with your local family support services, or whatever they are called.  It's never easy, but the SKids are worth it 


 Hhhm ... doesn't it also depend on your own expectations???

I have a SD who is an adult (and was when we met), so my response would be rather from a BM POV. I have a nearly 13-year old DD, who met her SM when she was 6 years old (prior to our separation, I should add).

In the nearly 7 years since SM has been in DD's life, DD has NEVER caused SM's/BF's household any problems (and that's not what *I* am saying, this comes from BF - who is very pro SM, I should add).

We don't exchange CS (in fact, I pay for pretty much all of it, including the stuff she needs when at BF's). We hardly ever had disagreements about visitation (the only ones we had were when BF chose NOT to see DD), in fact, for most of the time we ran a mutually agreed 50/50, with me covering BF's arse 90% of the time.

SM doesn't have to do sweet f* all for DD ... it's all covered. But that is that part that doesn't seem easy. Had she had to shrink the kid, push it up her vagina and then give birth again ,... that would have been easy, it seems.

 

bottomline
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:35 AM

 There is no one class that will instantly give you all the rules for SP'ing.  Because there isn't one rule that works for every blended family.  You can talk to a counselor and get advice and examples that will help you along the way.  I hope you find a way soon and everything works out.

mommadana
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:01 AM

 

Quoting Pero2:

 

 

Quoting mommadana:

 You might check with your church, if you attend, as they may know of one in the area or online or with your local family support services, or whatever they are called.  It's never easy, but the SKids are worth it 

 

 Hhhm ... doesn't it also depend on your own expectations???

I have a SD who is an adult (and was when we met), so my response would be rather from a BM POV. I have a nearly 13-year old DD, who met her SM when she was 6 years old (prior to our separation, I should add).

In the nearly 7 years since SM has been in DD's life, DD has NEVER caused SM's/BF's household any problems (and that's not what *I* am saying, this comes from BF - who is very pro SM, I should add).

We don't exchange CS (in fact, I pay for pretty much all of it, including the stuff she needs when at BF's). We hardly ever had disagreements about visitation (the only ones we had were when BF chose NOT to see DD), in fact, for most of the time we ran a mutually agreed 50/50, with me covering BF's arse 90% of the time.

SM doesn't have to do sweet f* all for DD ... it's all covered. But that is that part that doesn't seem easy. Had she had to shrink the kid, push it up her vagina and then give birth again ,... that would have been easy, it seems.

 

 Where I was coming from in regards to not easy is that it's a learning experience.  Yes if you are giving birth and having your child from day 1 and then you are there for all of it, it's a gradual learn as you go.  SKids have a past and a certain way of doing things that may be different than the way you do things, they have/ had another mom and in some cases it's the "you are not my mom" or the BM doesn't agree with your parenting or doesn't want you to be a parent.  Or the two households parent differently.  I love my SKids and they are great, but there were bumps in the road along the way in the early days. 

I'm sorry that you seem to be paying for most of what they need at both houses.  As the SM, we pay for what's at our house and BM pays for her house.  We have even bought clothes for BM's house (which she doesn't take care of) as the kids were wearing shoes that caused them to have the beginning hammer toes b/c she won't buy them new shoes until they are falling apart (I'm being literal here.  Not figuratively speaking).  CS is exchanged and it's enough to support those two kids.... too bad she decided to have 4 more with her DH.

Dana      you rock 


weddingcountdown.com

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:22 AM
The stepmother gets to decide how easy or how difficult the stepparenting experience will be for her. SMs have an optional role, they can do very little or a whole lot.
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painNtheazz
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:29 AM

 Have you tried googling for things in your area?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:39 AM

Try a family counselor in your area. I am currently reading Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin which is turning out to be some great advice.

Pero2
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:06 PM

We are entering dangerous territory here ... the despised "she should have known what she was getting herself into" hole. ;-)

I can only look at my own story, but I certainly knew what the deal was ... and so did my DF. Our courting and dating period (albeit shorter than 9 months) was pretty much our pregnancy.

We had a clear vision from the beginning. My DD has a BF, she didn't need a new daddy v.2. I was the one who wanted a partner for life. So the "parent" role was never offered ... and no, I don't consider SM a parent to DD, DD would certainly be correct if she told her "you are not my mom" (which she has never done).

The hacking order in our case is very clear ... DD knows the difference between an adult and a parent ... both need to be listened to, but only the latter needs to be consulted for parental decisions.

That's what I meant with expectations ... because I doubt there are many cases where a SM is welcomed with a bottle of champagne and some chocolates by BM, along with the words "help yourself to my children" ... and that even applies to the crappy BMs.


Quoting mommadana:

 Where I was coming from in regards to not easy is that it's a learning experience.  Yes if you are giving birth and having your child from day 1 and then you are there for all of it, it's a gradual learn as you go.  SKids have a past and a certain way of doing things that may be different than the way you do things, they have/ had another mom and in some cases it's the "you are not my mom" or the BM doesn't agree with your parenting or doesn't want you to be a parent.  Or the two households parent differently.  I love my SKids and they are great, but there were bumps in the road along the way in the early days. 

I'm sorry that you seem to be paying for most of what they need at both houses.  As the SM, we pay for what's at our house and BM pays for her house.  We have even bought clothes for BM's house (which she doesn't take care of) as the kids were wearing shoes that caused them to have the beginning hammer toes b/c she won't buy them new shoes until they are falling apart (I'm being literal here.  Not figuratively speaking).  CS is exchanged and it's enough to support those two kids.... too bad she decided to have 4 more with her DH.



mommadana
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:51 PM

 Yeah I know that hole, lol.  In some cases the gf role and then the SM role can change the relationship.  Don't know if it's solely on the kids or on the SM as some think there is POWER in the SM instead of GF, lol.  (I guess they got a cape and new powers in one signing) But I have noticed that in some cases the BM acts differently when the GF becomes the wife, it's like someone stole her man or something instead of they have been divorced X years.  I knew what I was getting into as have had many interactions with BM and the SKids.  Not everyone does.

Quoting Pero2:

We are entering dangerous territory here ... the despised "she should have known what she was getting herself into" hole. ;-)

I can only look at my own story, but I certainly knew what the deal was ... and so did my DF. Our courting and dating period (albeit shorter than 9 months) was pretty much our pregnancy.

We had a clear vision from the beginning. My DD has a BF, she didn't need a new daddy v.2. I was the one who wanted a partner for life. So the "parent" role was never offered ... and no, I don't consider SM a parent to DD, DD would certainly be correct if she told her "you are not my mom" (which she has never done).

The hacking order in our case is very clear ... DD knows the difference between an adult and a parent ... both need to be listened to, but only the latter needs to be consulted for parental decisions.

That's what I meant with expectations ... because I doubt there are many cases where a SM is welcomed with a bottle of champagne and some chocolates by BM, along with the words "help yourself to my children" ... and that even applies to the crappy BMs.

 

Quoting mommadana:

 Where I was coming from in regards to not easy is that it's a learning experience.  Yes if you are giving birth and having your child from day 1 and then you are there for all of it, it's a gradual learn as you go.  SKids have a past and a certain way of doing things that may be different than the way you do things, they have/ had another mom and in some cases it's the "you are not my mom" or the BM doesn't agree with your parenting or doesn't want you to be a parent.  Or the two households parent differently.  I love my SKids and they are great, but there were bumps in the road along the way in the early days. 

I'm sorry that you seem to be paying for most of what they need at both houses.  As the SM, we pay for what's at our house and BM pays for her house.  We have even bought clothes for BM's house (which she doesn't take care of) as the kids were wearing shoes that caused them to have the beginning hammer toes b/c she won't buy them new shoes until they are falling apart (I'm being literal here.  Not figuratively speaking).  CS is exchanged and it's enough to support those two kids.... too bad she decided to have 4 more with her DH.

 

 

 

Dana      you rock 


weddingcountdown.com

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