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Facebook message from BM...

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:41 AM
  • 10 Replies
It's not offering me editing options so, if you read this before I can click edit after posting I apologize... Also, in case it won't offer me those options even after trying to edit I'm posting the actual post in the first comment, sorry for the inconvenience, I don't know why it's not letting me edit when I add a new post.
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tryshx
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:01 AM

So, as many of you know BM and DH don't get along very well, for that matter neither do BM and I...  But she signed guardianship of her youngest child to us recently and we've been talking on facebook since Friday I just wanted to share the last message she sent... the messages before were about people talking crap about her not wanting her kids and me telling her to ignore people because right now she's putting her kid's needs first... this is what she wrote (she's not a great speller)


"ya it feels good to no that i cant give them what they deserve with me but at least i can now count on (myDH) and honestly i never thought id be saying that.  I do not want my kids to have to experience going to the state again.  i hate not havin my boys with me or at least where i can see them and shit when i want.  im really trying to get shit done and when i say that im trying to find a job and now ive got comm service to get done before i go ck in again and there only open 3 days a week so im limited on time and only open like 3-4 hours on those days.  so yeah if he gets to be to much for you and your DH get ahold of me and let me no.  please dont let all this or me get to be too much for you and your DH and cause you guys problems because thats not my style at all.  i havent been able to call much i no and it f*ckin kills me but not having a phone makes everything very difficult and i hate buggin people for there phone but every chance i get with a phone i call. i miss my boys very much and love them more than anything in this world and would do anything for them and im use to having them and not being apart fm them. at least not X (SS's younger half brother) and now i dont have either one, when i wake up, or go to bed or do things during the day its hard.  i feel like people are thinking i dont want my kids or care or love them but i just want what's best for them and to be able to provide for them which right now i cant and if the state found out they would take em once again. so im thankful to have you guys help me out and im sorry you have to help me out like this i hate asking for help but i dont just drop my kids off with just anyone never have been like that never will. so thanks a lot and tell your DH thanks too and also we need to figure out what weve got to do about this court shit so all thats dropped and go to court for child support cuz i dont want no money from your dh i never really did.  i did it at the time because i had no help at all and i was hoping it'd be his wake up call which i do think hes finally got the picture and for that im proud of him. well ive got to go give my boys love for me and thanks again"

notsowicked11
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:40 PM
5 moms liked this
That mom deserves a ton of respect because she is doing what is best for her kids even though it kills her to be away from them. Very selfless of her. I hope that when she gets everything squared away, she can have her kids back with no issues.
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tlbbtb
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:57 PM
2 moms liked this

My heart went out to her.  What a wonderful person YOU are for taking on that respnsibility.  Those children are lucky to have parents like all 3 of you in their lives!

Birdseed
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:37 PM
2 moms liked this

It takes a pretty big person to know when they're in over their heads and a lot of courage to ask for help.  I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it.  I can't imagine being in her shoes.

Good luck.

Tryshx
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Honestly, I'm very impressed with her myself right now...  This is the first time since I've known her (knew her before DH) that she's put the needs of her children above that of her own wants... It shows me that she's growing as a person and as a mother.  Before December, we hadn't even spoken to each other in 6 or so months that's how well we got along. 

DH and I reached out to her yesterday about trying to co parent instead of parallel parent DSS, and for the first time she agreed.  I truly hope this continues down this path and all 3 of us can remain at the very least civil.

She told me tonight that she's tired of living in the past and what happened between her and DH is over and done with, and that she's starting to live for tomorrow and the future.

Quoting Birdseed:

It takes a pretty big person to know when they're in over their heads and a lot of courage to ask for help.  I'm glad that she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about it.  I can't imagine being in her shoes.

Good luck.


Tryshx
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting notsowicked11:

That mom deserves a ton of respect because she is doing what is best for her kids even though it kills her to be away from them. Very selfless of her. I hope that when she gets everything squared away, she can have her kids back with no issues.
DSS will continue to live with us when all is said and done, the judge told her that if she violated her probation one time that permanent custody would be DH's, but we've never denied her visitations, as long as it doesn't interfere with school. I told her we'd start making arrangements for X to be back with her as soon as she was ready for him (we won't be able to drop everything and run him back immediately, especially since money is kinda tight right now). She'll receive no problems from us getting her son back, nor seeing her older son.
AthenaGrace
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 11:46 PM

Wow...I admire her. I hope all works out well. :)

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:54 AM
1 mom liked this
My heart goes out to her too. I applaud anyone that can put their kids first and not their need to be mother of the year when they simply can not.
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Birdseed
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:51 AM
1 mom liked this

OP, I would still caution you not to get too comfy.  When people are growing and changing, it's pretty common for them to swing to the extremes back and forth until they find the "middle" where they're comfortable.  So while she may be trying very hard right now to be on good terms with you guys (which is great), be prepared for the possibility that she may shift back the other direction at some point too.  I would avoid getting too friendly/close.  Stick to things that involve the kids when you talk, don't give out a lot of personal information about you, DH, your home, etc right away.  

I'm not saying this to be mean or critical of BM. As I said earlier, I have a lot of respect for people who have the courage to do the right thing even when it's really hard.  But human nature and life experience support that it's likely you're going to see things swing the other direction at some point so be careful.  

Tryshx
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 4:37 PM
Quoting Birdseed:

OP, I would still caution you not to get too comfy.  When people are growing and changing, it's pretty common for them to swing to the extremes back and forth until they find the "middle" where they're comfortable.  So while she may be trying very hard right now to be on good terms with you guys (which is great), be prepared for the possibility that she may shift back the other direction at some point too.  I would avoid getting too friendly/close.  Stick to things that involve the kids when you talk, don't give out a lot of personal information about you, DH, your home, etc right away.  

I'm not saying this to be mean or critical of BM. As I said earlier, I have a lot of respect for people who have the courage to do the right thing even when it's really hard.  But human nature and life experience support that it's likely you're going to see things swing the other direction at some point so be careful.  

When BM and I speak we talk only about the boys or where she's at in her situation... I don't talk to her about what goes on behind our walls, unless she absolutely needs to know. I'm still very uneasy speaking to her like this as I know how she can be, and I have spotted several outright lies in her messages, but I let them go and pass on the stupid battle that would follow a confrontation about it. I AM impressed with her for the first time right now, but I still don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Thank you for the advice, but I am being cautious.
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