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What should we do.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

My husband and I got married in 2008 but we were together since 1999, his daughter was 3 when we started dating. She would spend the weekends at our place and it was great. There was always a problem with the birth mom she didn't like me.  We always did fun things when his daughter stayed with us and we always paid child support. Things started getting worse when she was about 11 or 12 she would tell me that they didn't have food in the house because we didn't give them any money. Her birth mom told her that we didn't pay child support so when she told me that I pulled out our court order and she showed her that we were paying the support. After that happened the birth mom took us back to court to get more money and won.  She told the court that she couldn't work it's a mess. Then we got married and believe it or not things got sooooo bad. First she came to the wedding and wouldn't talk or eat anything. Then she spilled a soda down the front of my wedding dress boy was I mad.  After the wedding she told us that she did want to see us or talk to us. My husband was shocked. Fastforwared to 2011 and I had our first child a daughter and then a year later we had a son. My husband has not spoken to or seen his daughter in two years (this is not because he doesn't want to but they don't return phone calls). We just found out this week that she is no longer enrolled in high school. I told him to call them and find out what is going on but he won't. He is so mad at them and he doesn't know what to do. We asked the court what is going on and the sent us to see a mediator but that hasn't happened yet because they keep moving the date and time.  In that state we live in we have to pay child support until she is 18 and done with high school. She will turn 18 in December and will finish high school in June, but she currently isn't enrolled in high school so we will have to pay child support for another year. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful? 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:00 PM
I think its time to hire a lawyer, or at least go speak with one. I don't have any advice other than that.
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tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:45 PM

It should say in his custody papers till 18 or graduated.  Some say which ever comes first.    If she decides to go back to school  he could end up paying support till 19. 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:47 PM

There's nothing you can do.  He doesn't want to call and find out, so you'll just have to wait until his mediation to find out what's going on.  Termination of the CS order will be up to the court.  In my DH's decree, it's clear that CS continues after the age of 18 if and only if the child is enrolled in HS with the intent to graduate.  You might want to find out if similar ruling applies in the case of an 18yo that has not finished, is not enrolled, and is not on any path to graduate.

notsowicked11
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:37 PM
2 moms liked this
First, quit saying "we". That's probably most of the problem. It never should have been "we", it should have been "he" all along when handling his daughter and ex. We can not do anything unless he wants to and it sounds like he doesn't want to. Don't push it. You can't force a parent to be a parent, so you leave it be, and leave it to he.
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OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:37 AM

Doesn't sound like there is much you can do.  I would let it go, be supportive of SD if and when she comes to DH but don't try to step in and "fix" things at this point.  She will have to mature and figure out what she wants her life to be.

painNtheazz
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 this.

Quoting notsowicked11:

First, quit saying "we". That's probably most of the problem. It never should have been "we", it should have been "he" all along when handling his daughter and ex. We can not do anything unless he wants to and it sounds like he doesn't want to. Don't push it. You can't force a parent to be a parent, so you leave it be, and leave it to he.

 

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this
This is true b/c only his income would of been factored in the cs. I don't mean to sound harsh but it really doesn't sound like he wants to see dd. He hasn't seen her in 2 yrs b/c BM won't return phone calls? He should of taken her back to court a long time ago to get set visitation.


Quoting notsowicked11:

First, quit saying "we". That's probably most of the problem. It never should have been "we", it should have been "he" all along when handling his daughter and ex. We can not do anything unless he wants to and it sounds like he doesn't want to. Don't push it. You can't force a parent to be a parent, so you leave it be, and leave it to he.

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pepper504
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:07 AM

First of all, the whole situation that you describes sucks big time. 

Second, if DH is not interested due to being so mad, then sadly, you have to drop it.  Riding his ass to get him to do something that he really does not want to face is going to get you no where but continuous arguments/fighting.

Lastly, I would suggest that after the mediation, because I'm sure he will feel differently by then, he should seek an attorney (if that has not been done thus far) and see what the options are.  They will be able to guide you best in regards to what the state laws are with regards to CS and kids dropping out of high school. 

Hang in there!

stepmommy2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:53 AM
What has happened in two years that kept in from seeing his daughter? Do you guys live far away?
stepmommy2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Totally agree
Quoting Leigh84:

This is true b/c only his income would of been factored in the cs. I don't mean to sound harsh but it really doesn't sound like he wants to see dd. He hasn't seen her in 2 yrs b/c BM won't return phone calls? He should of taken her back to court a long time ago to get set visitation.


Quoting notsowicked11:

First, quit saying "we". That's probably most of the problem. It never should have been "we", it should have been "he" all along when handling his daughter and ex. We can not do anything unless he wants to and it sounds like he doesn't want to. Don't push it. You can't force a parent to be a parent, so you leave it be, and leave it to he.


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