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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I miss my Skids and DH is encouraging me to call but I can't get them on the phone.

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 5:36 PM
  • 13 Replies

They used to live with us 50/50 or more but we moved this fall and they're finishing out school before moving here full time.  BM and DH are totally in agreement.  No issues.

DH is overseas right now. Normally he facetimes with them daily and I say hello  and hear about everything.

I had been trying to get ahold of SD15 via her phone as SD 13 never carries her phone and I had not gotten a call back as of the time I started writing this post.

BUT, SD 15 DID call back and I DID talk to her and it was really nice.

DH wants me to to try harder to have a realtionship with the girls. I never felt like I had to TRY very hard when they lived with us. They were there so we related.  Good to go.  But they definitely don't call me just to check im.  And I don't want them to feel like they have to.  They don't have to have a  relationship with me if they don't want to. 

But I would like it. Especially since they'll be with us full time soon.

WWYD?

It was fine tonight. I started this post and then got a call from SD and chatted and all was well.  So we're fine.  I care about these kiddos and want them to be happy. But they are not obligated to talk to ME.  I'm SM..  Not morm. and I get that.  I have not had a one on one convo with my SM in 20 years though. It's like she will NOT speak to me and sometimes, that hurts.  

Edited for spelling and sticky keyboard.


by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 5:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lonlynstresdmom
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 5:55 PM
I think its great u r trying to have a relationship with them. Its hard to sometimes n they fight u on alot of stuff but atleast u want to be apart of their lives. I hope it all works out for u n your family. Good luck!
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CodeBlue
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:11 PM

I love my stepmom, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel horribly awkward talking to her on the phone.  The one time that I didn't it was because we were both bitching about my dad.  (I think she felt pretty bad about that afterwards, but meh. I'm 21, it's not like I was 12 and she was complaining to me. ya know?) 

That said, if she had made it known that she would like a phone call every once in a while, I probably would not have felt so awkward.  I didn't know if she wanted a phone call or not.  I know she's busy, does she have time/want to hear about my week? If you make it clear that you do, they may even start initiating phone calls.

Do you text your stepdaughters? That seems to be much easier for teenagers these days.  

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:45 PM

Code, it's weird because up until the last two weeks, I never really NEEDED to reach out to them myself nor did I think about it for just chit chat stuff because they either lived with us or were chatting with Dad every night.  Most of my phone time with them in the past has been situational--like they call because they need a ride, are sick, etc,  So this is new territory with Dad gone and me home and them back home in another state.

It's just not something we thought about much.

I talked to my Dad tonight about my SM and why she doesn't seem to want to talk to us kids.  Even when we ask after her.  I kind of wondered about that.  I would acutally like to get heri input on some things but she is very phone averse I guess.  

I think that moving forward, I'll just plan on calling the kids more often.  even if I talk to them for 2 min, that's something.  I was really glad when SD15 called.  I had already emailed BM and asked if their phones were working again or not and before she emailed back I had a call.  Told BM "nevermind, got a call" and she just messaged ":)"  

She was on her way up to where they are so she didn't tell them to call, SD just returned the call so I don't think anyone put her up to it.  I just hate the idea of them calling if they don't want to, ya know?  I care about them but that doesn't mean that they have to give two poops about me.

lonlynstresdmom
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Ive had 2 step dads n i always had respect n was grateful for all they did for me n my brothers. My first step dad past away n he taught me alot n was tough when i needed it. My current step dad is the best n i love him dearly i call to check it cause i know he misses us. They both affected my life in positive ways n were there when or if i needed to talk or advise.
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bottomline
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:30 AM

 It must be difficult with them being so far away and trying to decide whether or not to call or ask them to call and such. You are wonderful for wanting a relationship with them. I totally understand you not wanting to put pressure on them though, as a SM I get that part.  I was thrilled for you that SD called you back and chatted.  It must have felt so good for her to make that step? I think the move to your house will be less stressful because you continue to reach out to them and make it known that you care for them.  It's not like you will go months without speaking and then blam, they move in. That to me would be awkward,  I admire your courage for keeping the relationship going and the lines of communication open with them because you didn't have to.  High five!!!

mom7834
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:52 AM

Out of sight out of mind sounds more like it.  My Stepkids never call me to just chat, they call when they

need something from me or can't get ahold of Dad.  You have to remember they are teenagers.

Most likely you will be calling them, rather then they call you to just chat. 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:12 AM

Kids...out of sight, out of mind.  I have 50/50 with my ex and when DD16 is with her dad, I rarely get a call from her, but we do text every night.  Maybe that is something to try as well?


Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:18 AM

I'd email, FB or text.

kim8934
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:40 PM

they are kids in school, mine can't text or call during school.

side note - it's not a sticky keyboard, it is the site...they (CM) have a serious problem w/the site.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 7:19 PM
I am trying to rebuild a very broken relationship with my dad. I've not spoken to him in 3 years. We started talking again a few weeks ago, once a week. Now his wife keeps texting me. I am very confused and don't know why I feel the way that I feel. She is not my stepmom. She is my dads wife. They married after I was an adult. My dad has had do many wives that I just have no interest in getting to know her. I do know her. She is very over bearing. I can't even talk to my dad without her in the background. And she is always telling me she loves me. She doesn't know me enough to love me. I'm sure she cares about me but love is a very strong word. This really is not about you it just brought up what I have going on. I think it is great that your SD called you. You know you have a relationship with her. And she's coming to live with you soon. I see nothing wrong with you writing her or trying to call her once a week while your dh is away. I think it let's her know you care for her.
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