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Question for a freind w/spec needs child..

Posted by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:34 PM
  • 11 Replies

I have a Friend who is go ing to  filed for divorce from her H of 12 years right now they are taking classes on how to co-parent and then a class on how to tell the kids he is currently sleeping in one of the boys rooms they have a autistic son and another younger boy the autistic son is non verbal and has the cognitive ability ofa toddler as we were talking today she stated she had not met the OW yet, (her H cheated and is most likely still with this woman)

 She thought she could meet this woman because she would be around her kids I told her that wasn't gonna happen , but she might look into putting it in the child custody paperwork that if her DS is left with anyone for a period of time ar around him that they would have to have some kid of class or something, thus kid is non verbal and has hit his mom( no one else that I know of)

 Hasanayone seen this happen? she is really upset  but I had to let her know so it wasn't a surprised to her

by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leanntx
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:40 PM
1 mom liked this
I would have it put in the custody agreement that anyone who is going to be around the child for a specified amount of time, i.e. caregivers, girlfriend, or spouse, be required to have training of some sort. Taking care of any special needs child takes a different approach. She should be able to do it.
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JacyB
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:44 PM
If her husband is a halfway decent father(which is kinda doubtful considering he's a cheater) he wouldn't leave his child with someone incapable of providing appropriate care. It's not my personal expirence but I do know of at least one case where they had it in their custody order that the ONLY person who could watch their child other than the two of them was the nanny. The nanny went back and forth with the children (one of whom was developmentally disabled). Maybe she could see about a clause that specifically lists (by name) people who are allowed to be responsible for their children in the event neither of them are available?
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twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:49 PM

Oh good someone has had it in an agreement , she is going to try it the BD is an ok guy just selfish as alll effing hell ! He would leave DS with her because OW is a mother and apperntly a good person ...um right whatever. my freind is petrified becasue she thinks someone who didnt know how to handle his would mistreat him I have bben around her DS for 2 years and watch him on occasions he isnt hard to handle but can get aggitated if things change to much and they will for this poor guy ! 

Pink_Handcuffs
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:19 AM
Me and exdh, are really picky on who takes care of our kids. We have a dd with down syndrome, and ysd has mental health issues. Whoever takes care of them needs to know how to deal with things.

Exdh had a gf for awhile, she was nice, but not prepared for the long haul, of caring for a special needs child/adolescent /adult. She thought, that once dd was an adult, she would be going to a residential facility. Uhhh nope, she will either live with one of us, or live in her own apartment, and we will live close to her. Its just the way it is.
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thatislife
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:34 AM

Maybe she can ask for right of first refusal.  She should be very descriptive of the child's special needs, that he has hit someone before and it takes special experience and/or training to be the right fit to be his primary cg as evidenced by these things and the fact that the child is getting very specialized care at school (which I am sure he is).  If Dad is unable to be with either of the children for a specified period of time they need to be returned to mom and he can pick them up when he is available.

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 12:31 PM

 

I told her about ROFR she said that they were leaning to liberal visitation he is Navy and his work schedule can be wacky sometimes, their DS is in a year round school specifically for children with Autism he has made leaps and bounds in this school, and she is afraid of regression he does qualify for some type of service tat gives hr 40 a month of in home care so that will help with the time when she is working (she was a SAHM ) Thank you everyone for the replies she doesn't know anyone else who has been divorced with children( and hasnt let a lot of people know) so she asks me quite a few questions I just didn't know the answer to this one!

Quoting thatislife:

Maybe she can ask for right of first refusal.  She should be very descriptive of the child's special needs, that he has hit someone before and it takes special experience and/or training to be the right fit to be his primary cg as evidenced by these things and the fact that the child is getting very specialized care at school (which I am sure he is).  If Dad is unable to be with either of the children for a specified period of time they need to be returned to mom and he can pick them up when he is available.


 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:33 PM

Oh God! Divorce is so hard anyway, I can't imagine how difficult it must be with a non-verbal autistic child. They rely so heavily on schedules and normality, this is going to be extremely difficult! I would get everything I could added into the CO, ordering anyone that may come into his life, to have all of the skills possible to deal with him. 

I really like the idea above about having one nanny that goes back and fourth between homes. Anything that can be normal to him is going to be beneficial. 

shanlee42
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:13 PM
I have a friend who cheated on his wife by he was a fantastic dad. You can't assume someone is a bad dad because he was a bad husband.

Quoting JacyB:

If her husband is a halfway decent father(which is kinda doubtful considering he's a cheater) he wouldn't leave his child with someone incapable of providing appropriate care. It's not my personal expirence but I do know of at least one case where they had it in their custody order that the ONLY person who could watch their child other than the two of them was the nanny. The nanny went back and forth with the children (one of whom was developmentally disabled). Maybe she could see about a clause that specifically lists (by name) people who are allowed to be responsible for their children in the event neither of them are available?
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shanlee42
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:16 PM
Your friend is completely within her right to request training for the people who will be around her son.

As for meeting the OW, it's up to her. She probably feels like she wants to meet the people that will be around her special needs son.


Quoting twinklebites:

Oh good someone has had it in an agreement , she is going to try it the BD is an ok guy just selfish as alll effing hell ! He would leave DS with her because OW is a mother and apperntly a good person ...um right whatever. my freind is petrified becasue she thinks someone who didnt know how to handle his would mistreat him I have bben around her DS for 2 years and watch him on occasions he isnt hard to handle but can get aggitated if things change to much and they will for this poor guy ! 

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dawncs
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:40 PM

There needs to be something noted in the child support agreement for the Autistic son. She needs to request that the Autistic son gets it for life. I have heard of a situation in which a mother of a severely disabled adult daughter had difficulty with them in regards to her disability benefits (http://www.ssa.gov/) because there was no child support order.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

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