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Need help with 12yo StepDaughter

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:20 AM
  • 13 Replies

Basically she is a daddy's girl and can do nothing wrong well lately she has been getting worse and having More of an attitude not just with me but with her dad. 

I have a 2 year old daughter that i brought into the relationship who she was all about playing with until about the last month, now every time she walks into her room to play she tells her to get out and shuts the door in her face.  On that note, a few days ago she walked into my daughters room and my 2 year old told her to get out of her room.  Well needless to say she went and told daddy and though my daughter was going to get in trouble.  Well instead she got in trouble for tattling on something that my daughter learned from her doing. 

I also walked in on her the other day standing over my daughter with ehr hands on her hips yelling at her telling her to stop being bad, I almost lost it and as soon as she saw me she stood up and tried to go give my daughter a hug and kiss when I daughter was trying to push her away say no. 

A month ago she loved to hug and kiss the older girl and not she wants nothing to do with her.  She wont even give her a hug goodnight anymore which is upsetting  my other half.  Neither of us know why the 2 yo daughter is doing this to the 12 year old... any help would be appreciated.  Thanks.

 

in love

by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
liever
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:38 AM

My guess is the reason that your SD acts the way she is now is because she is 12.  She is in that "wonderufl" phase of  preteen.  This phase is where to attitude starts.  

If I were in your situation, I would talk to both girls.  They both have  right to privacy and they both should not be forced to have the other child in their room.  They can tell the other one to leave without the attitude.  How about instead of yelling and screaming and slamming doors...they say  I would rather be alone, can you leave please.  The other should leave.  I know with children they do not always want to get alone. I would make it clear to SD that DD has a right to refuse to allow her in her room also.  

I have two teenage boys that share a room and it isn't always easy.  One wants privacy and the other wants to play a game.  I have tried to not take sides but sometimes I have to step up.  They both have the right to say I want privacy and please leave me alone.  

MixArmyFamily
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:47 PM

Thanks, I will try and have the talk but the 2 yo loves to go into her room to play with her, and there rooms are right next door to each other and she leaves it open all the time and gets upset then the 2yo walks in her room to hang out and play. 

Oh and they did that everyday for the first 3 months we lived there and has just recently changed over the last few weeks.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:40 PM
Because she is 12. Halfway between woman and child.

Wants to be in charge but can't do it yet. My 12 year old does the same thing. So I teach her how to be a good big sister and an appropriate young adult.

And when ss slips up, I teach him too
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 6:04 PM
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She's 12!! Welcome to tweenville. Buckle up!!
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 6:05 PM
I think the novelty has worn off of having a little 2 year old around. It happens.


Quoting chanizen:

Because she is 12. Halfway between woman and child.



Wants to be in charge but can't do it yet. My 12 year old does the same thing. So I teach her how to be a good big sister and an appropriate young adult.



And when ss slips up, I teach him too

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sassygoddess
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:04 PM
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 I'm confused...are you asking why the 12 yr old wants nothing to do with the little one or why the little one wants nothing to do with the 12  yr old?

If its the first, she is a pre teen hopefully she will get over it...if its the latter one then the 2 yr old is probably tired of being yelled at and of the OSD being mean to her.

meerkat101
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:37 PM
Agreed


Quoting sassygoddess:

 I'm confused...are you asking why the 12 yr old wants nothing to do with the little one or why the little one wants nothing to do with the 12  yr old?


If its the first, she is a pre teen hopefully she will get over it...if its the latter one then the 2 yr old is probably tired of being yelled at and of the OSD being mean to her.


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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:39 PM
She's at that stinker age! My nieces and dd are going/went through it. The 12 year old can say it nicely. The 2 year old doesn't need to be told that mean. I only say this bc sometimes the 12 year old can get meaner and then put hands on the 2 year old. Just talk to 2 year old somehow and tell her she can't go in unless she knocks or asks..

Is 12 year old there a lot?maybe the 2 year old misses your SD. Idk... I've seen my yss be mean to my dds. I think SOmetimes is OK bc that's how kids are but I don't like when they are really mean.

I think you feel this way bc it's your SD. Tbh. I would. My brother used to best us up. I used to be super mean to my sister also. But we were close. We are mean then friends again. Lol.

I think bc she's your step. It's harder. You want to tell her to stop it or tell her she should let 2 YO play w her SOMETIMES. I think that's where step life gets hard.

Sorry,I think it's just hard for you bc it's a Step kid. (I've been there also mama:)

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Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:41 PM
I think OP is just venting. These situations feel very hard. I feel like this when my skids are here sometimes also.

I have to see and differentiate what's "normal"behavior and what's overboard and just plain rude.
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LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:17 AM
SD is 12. Dd is 2. Big age difference and big developmental difference. Dh needs to sit down with SD and explain that it is not OK to yell and scream and boss a 2 year old. As someone with a SD who is almost 11 and who is mean and bossy to her younger brothers, there needs to be some boundaries set. While it is not OK for the screaming, yelling and being mean, it is not OK for the 2 year old to have free reign of the 12 year olds room.I have a baby gate that I put in front of sd's door so the boys can't get in and mess with her stuff. I make sure she has time alone.

She is 12 and going through a lot of changes. But it is unacceptable for someone to treat a toddler like that. Zero tolerance policy.
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