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Wedding in two weeks! Please help! STB daddy little girl situation!!!

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OK,so Im getting married in two weeks and im really excited! Everything ive thought of as a little girl is coming true! Except for one detail that I never really thought about because it never crossed my mind as a child. I love, love, love, loooove my stb stepdaughter! She is 8 stb 9 and we get along great! The pickle im stuck in is that she is a hands down daddys little girl! She is an only child and always wants to be a part of everything, which is awesome, except for when it comes to my wedding day and a possible "stealing the show" situation. My fiance said to me the other day- "do you think she should sit with us at our sweetheart table?" ughhhh i wanted to be nice about it but i kinda snapped- and said no. They are going to have a daddy/daughter special dance and she has her own intro as "special head-flower girl" and i was thinking maybe she can eat cake with us? I'm just nervous about the special day I have thought of forever being completely shared. Is that selfish of me? I know my little stb step daughter will want to be with her dad the ENTIRE night. What is the proper etiquette for this kind of situation? PLEASE HELP!!!
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:31 PM
Replies (41-50):
KreatingMe
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:44 AM
1 mom liked this

That makes me so mad, I don't know what happened to my reply. 

OK, here's the thing, I'm just going to say it, your STB SD sounds like a pain in the ass. At 9 years old you shouldn't have to worry that if you include her at the table she will end up monopolizing every minute of daddy's attention all night long. If that's really the case that's a red flag. This really doesn't bother you on a daily basis? I think you should have a serious talk with fiance about the emotional/mental state of SD and maybe what can be done to help her. That doesn't sound like healthy normal behavior of a 9 yr old. 

I can sort of understand a kid wanting to be included in all aspects of the special day, not that they should necessarily be granted that but I can understand it. It's exciting and special and kids always want to be a part of anything like that. It's also a time when a lot of kids are afraid it signifies changes to come and they're afraid of being excluded. Again, on a regular basis that behavior is too much. 

You're not a parent, you're not a mom. Don't try to fool a group of moms about being a mom. Just by making that comment it makes you seem less like a parent. It's more than a list of things you, it's more than the hours you spend with the kid a month. Having a fear of being overshadowed by your SD also sounds very un mom like. It suggests that you have some unresolved issues regarding the whole situation. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:52 AM
I gave you an entire list of ideas and you skipped right over them.... And went right back to bitching about what you aren't getting and what we aren't understanding.


Quoting Loved1234:

It seems that everyone is mis understanding me... SHE IS GOING TO BE INCLUDED- but the day/night isn't going to be ALL about her like every normal day!! It's one night it's a special night and I know everyone will know I'm the bride. That's obvious! I was simply asking for tips and ideas to make her feel included (besides the things I have mentioned- special cake special presents that I got her, a special introduction, a daddy daughter dance and eating dessert with us...) Gosh darn!

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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:54 AM
I hate when that happens. When I post on mobile sometimes it goes POOF :(

Good advice. And so true.

She says that she adores her, sd is her entire world but then complains that SD is going to steal her day. It doesn't make sense.


Quoting KreatingMe:

That makes me so mad, I don't know what happened to my reply. 

OK, here's the thing, I'm just going to say it, your STB SD sounds like a pain in the ass. At 9 years old you shouldn't have to worry that if you include her at the table she will end up monopolizing every minute of daddy's attention all night long. If that's really the case that's a red flag. This really doesn't bother you on a daily basis? I think you should have a serious talk with fiance about the emotional/mental state of SD and maybe what can be done to help her. That doesn't sound like healthy normal behavior of a 9 yr old. 

I can sort of understand a kid wanting to be included in all aspects of the special day, not that they should necessarily be granted that but I can understand it. It's exciting and special and kids always want to be a part of anything like that. It's also a time when a lot of kids are afraid it signifies changes to come and they're afraid of being excluded. Again, on a regular basis that behavior is too much. 

You're not a parent, you're not a mom. Don't try to fool a group of moms about being a mom. Just by making that comment it makes you seem less like a parent. It's more than a list of things you, it's more than the hours you spend with the kid a month. Having a fear of being overshadowed by your SD also sounds very un mom like. It suggests that you have some unresolved issues regarding the whole situation. 


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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:57 AM
1 mom liked this
Lol well you are acting like it in your post. Of couRse she doesn't need to go to bed with you. The problem you started with was the sweetheart table. You typically don't have a Sweetheart table when there is a child of one of the bride or groom. It's dinner it's not sex, honeymoon or bed time. It's DINNER at a wedding, your wedding AND a big day in this little girls life.

I think the sweetheart table is stupid any way. Really? Are people that anti social?? Lol


Quoting Loved1234:

Her grandma will be with her .. I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding I know I will too and I think there can be intimate times even with the kids (that are leaving the party scene after dessert) I'm glad your kids were the big part of your wedding.. My step daughter will be included just like at home .. But just like at home- she doesn't come to bed with us. There is a balance and I was hoping any other SM's could give me some ideas and helpful tips. I didn't expect to be a called a "spoiled brat" or "bridezilla" Have a great night..

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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 12:59 AM
Here is a great website for you OP on blended families and wedding. Read up.

http://www.theweddingoutlet.com/Wedding-Ceremony/Blended-Family
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:01 AM
Here we go. Etiquette 101

BLENDED FAMILY
A blended family is created with the union of two families. During the wedding ceremony it is important to not only acknowledge the marriage, but to also recognize all the children involved. Consider acknowledging a new blended family with Family Medallions, Family Unity Candles, or Sand Ceremony Kits.


When either the bride or groom already has children it is important to consider how the new marriage will affect the children. One way to make the children feel included is to have a blended family wedding ceremony. During the wedding ceremony your minister or JP will take the time to formally announce the new family. In some instances the children may even have their own vows. If your child is too young or too shy to say their own vows, you may give them a symbolic piece of jewelry like a family medallion, have them participate in a family sand ceremony or light a family unity candle.
At the reception, be sure to sit the children at the head table with the bride and groom. Also, consider having each child dance with their new step-mother or step-father to a significant or meaningful song.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:03 AM
Oh no! Sigh!! So sad. Shouldn't have kids before getting married. Sigh again!! So sad ... Boo kids in the way... Should marry a man with no kids for the perfect fairytale. I would kick my husband to the curb if he acted this way. Geez. Poor little girl.


Quoting Loved1234:

Thank you shanelee! I've been at weddings like that- the kids are the main focus and it take away from the bride or groom in this matter. He could barely have a moment with his new bride! I felt bad for him! Everyone at our table said the same thing.. It was a little much. I want to have her involved just not like that.. Thanks shanelee you make me feel better after being bashed all night...

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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:03 AM
Nope you are dad's fiancé.


Quoting Loved1234:

Packer I am a parent- I've been taking care of her for a little over three years She comes to me with problems and questions not her mom..

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MrsHMS
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:08 AM
I think this is something that dads and MIL encourage to make sure daddys little girl dosent feel she is dethroaned. My girls know they are the center of my world. The come first always. I was allowed to be self centered on my day. My mom and sister kept them busy. Most traditional vows talk about joining of man and woman...my stepson started crying during my reception he ad 16 and his dad had to leave during our dance. Dh left for a total of 5 min and told him to get over it or go to bed.
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paganmommy4
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:12 AM
1 mom liked this

You do have a right to have the table be just yours this is your night and you do what suits YOUR Needs

Conversation: I know that you are daddy's little girl ( but she's almost nine) and I love you just as much as your dad does, so while you get to be a part of everything else, We ( your dad and I both think and feel ) that you could sit at a special table near us.

She needs to learn HER place. Im sure for years its just been her and her dad, You are not replacing her mom by any means but she needs to learn acceptable disappointment and should not consume her dads life as much or yours for that matter

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