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Wedding in two weeks! Please help! STB daddy little girl situation!!!

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OK,so Im getting married in two weeks and im really excited! Everything ive thought of as a little girl is coming true! Except for one detail that I never really thought about because it never crossed my mind as a child. I love, love, love, loooove my stb stepdaughter! She is 8 stb 9 and we get along great! The pickle im stuck in is that she is a hands down daddys little girl! She is an only child and always wants to be a part of everything, which is awesome, except for when it comes to my wedding day and a possible "stealing the show" situation. My fiance said to me the other day- "do you think she should sit with us at our sweetheart table?" ughhhh i wanted to be nice about it but i kinda snapped- and said no. They are going to have a daddy/daughter special dance and she has her own intro as "special head-flower girl" and i was thinking maybe she can eat cake with us? I'm just nervous about the special day I have thought of forever being completely shared. Is that selfish of me? I know my little stb step daughter will want to be with her dad the ENTIRE night. What is the proper etiquette for this kind of situation? PLEASE HELP!!!
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:31 PM
Replies (51-60):
Loved1234
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:17 AM
Thanks tell MOMO that. She seems to have a lot to say... Hopefully the sd doesn't feel mistreated or Not respected..
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Loved1234
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:25 AM
Kreating- so just bc she didn't come out of
Me that means I'm not a parent? That's ridiculous.. So a mom that adopts a kid is not a mother or parent if she can't have kids from her own body? I'm not about to argue with bio moms about being a mom.. I take care of my little girl everyday and love her.she comes to me with boo boos and me with problems at school. She comes to me when she has a nightmare and sleeps with my when her daddy works a midnight shift.. What am I just a live in glorified babysitter.. Get over the "your not a parent or mom". Your ridiculous And my ad isn't a pain in the ass she's jut a daddy's little girl. She's a sweetheart.. Just loves attention. She's 8 not 12.. She's learning social etiquettes... O guess from who!?! Ya her non mom/ parent
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afwifeandmommy3
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:32 AM
Shed be sitting with us if it was me
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:47 AM
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OSD held our hands and we swung her back and forth during the ceremony because she just kept wandering. She was twirling and putting the flowers from the floor in a chain around my dress during the vows. She was 4 though. The pictures are really cute though.

You can't have boundaries for just one night though if they haven't been set up before. Shes old enough to set some boundaries and understand them just pick your battles And you can't make it into a competition for who's show it is. That will backfire. Everyone will know it's your show. Unless you start fussing over an 8 yo trying to steal it. Then you will just look like a spoiled bride. So whatever happens that day, just go with the flow.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:53 AM
My step kids called it "our wedding" this sounds like the site we used to plan the ceremony.

Quoting momof2ex1:

Here we go. Etiquette 101



BLENDED FAMILY

A blended family is created with the union of two families. During the wedding ceremony it is important to not only acknowledge the marriage, but to also recognize all the children involved. Consider acknowledging a new blended family with Family Medallions, Family Unity Candles, or Sand Ceremony Kits.





When either the bride or groom already has children it is important to consider how the new marriage will affect the children. One way to make the children feel included is to have a blended family wedding ceremony. During the wedding ceremony your minister or JP will take the time to formally announce the new family. In some instances the children may even have their own vows. If your child is too young or too shy to say their own vows, you may give them a symbolic piece of jewelry like a family medallion, have them participate in a family sand ceremony or light a family unity candle.

At the reception, be sure to sit the children at the head table with the bride and groom. Also, consider having each child dance with their new step-mother or step-father to a significant or meaningful song.
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Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 7:07 AM
She's also 8/9 which I think is a hard year for girls because the are changing but not having the skills to understand or cope. They learn in time. OSD is that age now and talks non stop. She tries to jump in the middle of things and is very hurt and obnoxious if she's not included. I think it's the age for girls. She gets over things quickly but the fits are still there at times.

I think you just need to relax about it and expect her to be a major player then you won't need to get upset if she does. She'll get bored eventually. What if you invited her best friend then she would have another buddy to chat with besides daddy. You could give her the option to sit with her instead of you.


Quoting Loved1234:

It seems that everyone is mis understanding me... SHE IS GOING TO BE INCLUDED- but the day/night isn't going to be ALL about her like every normal day!! It's one night it's a special night and I know everyone will know I'm the bride. That's obvious! I was simply asking for tips and ideas to make her feel included (besides the things I have mentioned- special cake special presents that I got her, a special introduction, a daddy daughter dance and eating dessert with us...) Gosh darn!
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suesues
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:12 AM

she should not sit with you you need to put someone in charge of her for the night When I married our step dau came she was  7 then and new all the rules and was so good. Also if its going to be late we had someone take her home before wedding ended. Its you and hubby day not hers

Loved1234
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:18 AM
Thanks sue- I appreciate it! I'm apparently a selfish brat... Yes her mother is coming to pick her up after we have cake. We are going to have cake earlier then usual so she can be a part of it my fiancé doesn't want her around the party scene and drinking. I'm sure everything will be fine :) just have to set some rules and make it seem like its her day! She really is excited :)
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minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:37 AM
Maybe I read it wrong, but I didn't see that she was asking for "tips to make her feel more included." I read it as seeking justification for including her as little as possible, so that the attention is all on her.


Quoting momof2ex1:

I gave you an entire list of ideas and you skipped right over them.... And went right back to bitching about what you aren't getting and what we aren't understanding.




Quoting Loved1234:

It seems that everyone is mis understanding me... SHE IS GOING TO BE INCLUDED- but the day/night isn't going to be ALL about her like every normal day!! It's one night it's a special night and I know everyone will know I'm the bride. That's obvious! I was simply asking for tips and ideas to make her feel included (besides the things I have mentioned- special cake special presents that I got her, a special introduction, a daddy daughter dance and eating dessert with us...) Gosh darn!


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Zaticia
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:46 AM
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You are the bride - there won't be any "stealing of the show" - you are the show. 

At my and dh's wedding my SS (who was the ring bearer) sat with the flower girl at my husbands parents table.  So no, if you don't want her to share your table - have her sit with her grandparents - it's done all the time.

I think it would be very sweet to involve her with the cake - I can imagine some great pictures coming from that...

If there are other children her age at the wedding, you needn't worry about her hanging on her dad all night - she'll be playing and dancing and having a blast - especially if you ask a preteen or teen relative to keep an eye on the kids and make sure they're entertained.

This can still be your special day. It's completely common to freak out the month(s) before your wedding.  I'm sure everything will be fine.

Congratulations!

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