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Wedding in two weeks! Please help! STB daddy little girl situation!!!

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OK,so Im getting married in two weeks and im really excited! Everything ive thought of as a little girl is coming true! Except for one detail that I never really thought about because it never crossed my mind as a child. I love, love, love, loooove my stb stepdaughter! She is 8 stb 9 and we get along great! The pickle im stuck in is that she is a hands down daddys little girl! She is an only child and always wants to be a part of everything, which is awesome, except for when it comes to my wedding day and a possible "stealing the show" situation. My fiance said to me the other day- "do you think she should sit with us at our sweetheart table?" ughhhh i wanted to be nice about it but i kinda snapped- and said no. They are going to have a daddy/daughter special dance and she has her own intro as "special head-flower girl" and i was thinking maybe she can eat cake with us? I'm just nervous about the special day I have thought of forever being completely shared. Is that selfish of me? I know my little stb step daughter will want to be with her dad the ENTIRE night. What is the proper etiquette for this kind of situation? PLEASE HELP!!!
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 8:31 PM
Replies (61-70):
KreatingMe
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:51 AM

She doesn't want ideas she wants to be validated. Before CM I didn't realize how threatened some SM's are by their SD's, it makes me very glad I have a boy. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I gave you an entire list of ideas and you skipped right over them.... And went right back to bitching about what you aren't getting and what we aren't understanding.


Quoting Loved1234:

It seems that everyone is mis understanding me... SHE IS GOING TO BE INCLUDED- but the day/night isn't going to be ALL about her like every normal day!! It's one night it's a special night and I know everyone will know I'm the bride. That's obvious! I was simply asking for tips and ideas to make her feel included (besides the things I have mentioned- special cake special presents that I got her, a special introduction, a daddy daughter dance and eating dessert with us...) Gosh darn!


minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:53 AM
All of this. Want to add about the opening of presents before the bday boy/girl get a chance to...at almost 9 years old, this behavior should NOT be an issue. Even my 5 yo knows that is disrespectful and not acceptable. It is not a kid thing- it is a respect thing


Quoting KreatingMe:

That makes me so mad, I don't know what happened to my reply. 

OK, here's the thing, I'm just going to say it, your STB SD sounds like a pain in the ass. At 9 years old you shouldn't have to worry that if you include her at the table she will end up monopolizing every minute of daddy's attention all night long. If that's really the case that's a red flag. This really doesn't bother you on a daily basis? I think you should have a serious talk with fiance about the emotional/mental state of SD and maybe what can be done to help her. That doesn't sound like healthy normal behavior of a 9 yr old. 

I can sort of understand a kid wanting to be included in all aspects of the special day, not that they should necessarily be granted that but I can understand it. It's exciting and special and kids always want to be a part of anything like that. It's also a time when a lot of kids are afraid it signifies changes to come and they're afraid of being excluded. Again, on a regular basis that behavior is too much. 

You're not a parent, you're not a mom. Don't try to fool a group of moms about being a mom. Just by making that comment it makes you seem less like a parent. It's more than a list of things you, it's more than the hours you spend with the kid a month. Having a fear of being overshadowed by your SD also sounds very un mom like. It suggests that you have some unresolved issues regarding the whole situation. 


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minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this
Unless she's planning on humping on the table...in which case I would hope the child is not present. Or any other guest for that matter. Unless the wedding is actually a huge orgy.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Lol well you are acting like it in your post. Of couRse she doesn't need to go to bed with you. The problem you started with was the sweetheart table. You typically don't have a Sweetheart table when there is a child of one of the bride or groom. It's dinner it's not sex, honeymoon or bed time. It's DINNER at a wedding, your wedding AND a big day in this little girls life.



I think the sweetheart table is stupid any way. Really? Are people that anti social?? Lol




Quoting Loved1234:

Her grandma will be with her .. I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding I know I will too and I think there can be intimate times even with the kids (that are leaving the party scene after dessert) I'm glad your kids were the big part of your wedding.. My step daughter will be included just like at home .. But just like at home- she doesn't come to bed with us. There is a balance and I was hoping any other SM's could give me some ideas and helpful tips. I didn't expect to be a called a "spoiled brat" or "bridezilla" Have a great night..


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minimoo
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Seems she hasn't been taught social etiquette's very well. My children learned long before they were 8 that opening other people's presents is not OK.


Quoting Loved1234:

Kreating- so just bc she didn't come out of

Me that means I'm not a parent? That's ridiculous.. So a mom that adopts a kid is not a mother or parent if she can't have kids from her own body? I'm not about to argue with bio moms about being a mom.. I take care of my little girl everyday and love her.she comes to me with boo boos and me with problems at school. She comes to me when she has a nightmare and sleeps with my when her daddy works a midnight shift.. What am I just a live in glorified babysitter.. Get over the "your not a parent or mom". Your ridiculous And my ad isn't a pain in the ass she's jut a daddy's little girl. She's a sweetheart.. Just loves attention. She's 8 not 12.. She's learning social etiquettes... O guess from who!?! Ya her non mom/ parent

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annabl1970
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:12 AM
What is wrong with you lately?
You used to sound as one of the most reasonable ones here, now you shifting the other way too far.
It's her special day, she is getting married, she already included the SD, she got her cake, they have daddy daughter dance. But she wants to have some parts of the wedding reserved for her and her man. It's normal.
Bet you would feel the same if your kids weren't your bios.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Oh no! Sigh!! So sad. Shouldn't have kids before getting married. Sigh again!! So sad ... Boo kids in the way... Should marry a man with no kids for the perfect fairytale. I would kick my husband to the curb if he acted this way. Geez. Poor little girl.




Quoting Loved1234:

Thank you shanelee! I've been at weddings like that- the kids are the main focus and it take away from the bride or groom in this matter. He could barely have a moment with his new bride! I felt bad for him! Everyone at our table said the same thing.. It was a little much. I want to have her involved just not like that.. Thanks shanelee you make me feel better after being bashed all night...


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annabl1970
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Rude


Quoting minimoo:

Unless she's planning on humping on the table...in which case I would hope the child is not present. Or any other guest for that matter. Unless the wedding is actually a huge orgy.




Quoting momof2ex1:

Lol well you are acting like it in your post. Of couRse she doesn't need to go to bed with you. The problem you started with was the sweetheart table. You typically don't have a Sweetheart table when there is a child of one of the bride or groom. It's dinner it's not sex, honeymoon or bed time. It's DINNER at a wedding, your wedding AND a big day in this little girls life.





I think the sweetheart table is stupid any way. Really? Are people that anti social?? Lol






Quoting Loved1234:

Her grandma will be with her .. I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding I know I will too and I think there can be intimate times even with the kids (that are leaving the party scene after dessert) I'm glad your kids were the big part of your wedding.. My step daughter will be included just like at home .. But just like at home- she doesn't come to bed with us. There is a balance and I was hoping any other SM's could give me some ideas and helpful tips. I didn't expect to be a called a "spoiled brat" or "bridezilla" Have a great night..



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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:14 AM


This is a good suggestion.

Quoting deadlights86:

Will there be other kids there? Set up a kids table with coloring books crayons bead kits stuff like that she will be occupied. I didn't see my 3 boys all night between the dance floor and the kids table they had a ball.



whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:17 AM
1 mom liked this


ah, so she'll be leaving fairly early. Well what is the problem then? you can have your wedding to yourself after she leaves, right?

Quoting Loved1234:

Thanks sue- I appreciate it! I'm apparently a selfish brat... Yes her mother is coming to pick her up after we have cake. We are going to have cake earlier then usual so she can be a part of it my fiancé doesn't want her around the party scene and drinking. I'm sure everything will be fine :) just have to set some rules and make it seem like its her day! She really is excited :)



annabl1970
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:17 AM
She is not your SM, nough said.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Moms that get remarried typically include their kids. It's the others that don't. The non moms.

I remember my 2nd stepmom who was not a mom did the same thing. We ended up being miserable and left early. Thank goodness my sister could drive. She was so in to the princess day that she didn't care who's feelings she hurt or who she left out. That marriage ended quick.




Quoting minimoo:

When my friend got remarried, her boys sat with her and her new dh at their own little family table.


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KreatingMe
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:41 AM

Umm, no, I didn't say it had anything to do with who's vagina she passed through, you said that.  You don't get it. Mom's aren't afraid of being overshadowed by their kids. 

Quoting Loved1234:

Kreating- so just bc she didn't come out of
Me that means I'm not a parent? That's ridiculous.. So a mom that adopts a kid is not a mother or parent if she can't have kids from her own body? I'm not about to argue with bio moms about being a mom.. I take care of my little girl everyday and love her.she comes to me with boo boos and me with problems at school. She comes to me when she has a nightmare and sleeps with my when her daddy works a midnight shift.. What am I just a live in glorified babysitter.. Get over the "your not a parent or mom". Your ridiculous And my ad isn't a pain in the ass she's jut a daddy's little girl. She's a sweetheart.. Just loves attention. She's 8 not 12.. She's learning social etiquettes... O guess from who!?! Ya her non mom/ parent


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