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So do I have to like her?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies
I do love my sd, she's a nice girl and really hasn't done me any wrong. The only compliant I really would have would be how her dad my dh and her mom have let her become socially incapable and friendless so she wants every second of our time. She really doesn't do anything to wrong and usually listens well. But for the past 4 years I have gone backwards in liking her. She's just not my type of person. She's weird and a bit annoying to me. I've tried to share interests with her but they just don't work out. She's lazy and basically only wants attached from the tv or us. That bugs me a lot and I just have a hard time liking her. I want to... I really do. I'm very nice to her and do stuff with and for her, so my question is, do I have to like her?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shanlee42
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:22 PM
Eventually, if not already, your distaste for the child will show through and she will see it. You should try to focus on the positives because your distaste coming through will only make the relationship worse.
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packermomof2
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:29 PM

No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 

She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.

Eyelashes23
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:30 PM
How old is she?
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painNtheazz
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:46 PM

 This, and as the other poster asked, how old is the child?

Quoting packermomof2:

No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 

She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.

 

newstepmom61811
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:47 PM
I would agree with this. You don't have to and it's a two way street. What I find OP, that you are making, is a common error, you're not liking her because she doesn't live the way you would or think she should, so, does that make her behavior wrong? No. My SKs are very different than me, they have none of my biology. I see DH and BM in them, bad and good. They have qualities that I think will make life harder on them, but you know what, they also have qualities I have learned from and begin to incorporate in how I live. I am not perfect. There are things DH and the kids were doing in their lives and ways they were living that were 'better' than my ways and I adapted them. The best approach is to have the flexibility to bring your best and learn from the best they have to offer. Your SD is different than you, doesn't mean she's wrong in the way she's living. She wants her family's attention. Some families are tight that way. The answer is no, you don't have to like your SD but life is smoother I you can find positive qualities about her and with an open mind on the SPs part, unless the kid is truly disrespectful and obnoxious I think positive things about the child are easy to find.


Quoting packermomof2:

No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 


She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:53 PM
She just turned 12. And honestly sometimes I think I would be ok if she didn't like me just as long as we kept our respectful relationship with each other. Maybe if she didn't like me she would become more capable of finding things to do without me or dh. Maybe get a life outside of the house and I wouldn't have to give her my every second of attention.


Quoting painNtheazz:

 This, and as the other poster asked, how old is the child?


Quoting packermomof2:


No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 


She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.


 


painNtheazz
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:03 PM

 At that age, it can be hard!!!!

I think you have a fabulous idea there, and a good attitude toward it.

I still stand by the fact that no, you don't have  to 'like' her. Just be prepared for what may come with that!

Quoting Anonymous:

She just turned 12. And honestly sometimes I think I would be ok if she didn't like me just as long as we kept our respectful relationship with each other. Maybe if she didn't like me she would become more capable of finding things to do without me or dh. Maybe get a life outside of the house and I wouldn't have to give her my every second of attention.


Quoting painNtheazz:

 This, and as the other poster asked, how old is the child?


Quoting packermomof2:


No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 


She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.


 


 

OwlNuggets
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:12 PM
2 moms liked this

Why not enroll her in an activity that piques her interest?
Get that kid out of your hair for a few days a week! 

ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:42 PM
You should get her enrolled in something to do. I don't know about where you live, but where I live there's not much nearby. However if I had a step that was causing these kids if feelings basically because he/she wasn't 'independent' I would drive the hour a few times a week/month to bring them somewhere that had something. In doing his you get her out if your hair, and you help get her involved with other people.
You could also look into summer volunteer programs in your area. If you get her involved now and continue it it'll look great on college applications.


Quoting Anonymous:

She just turned 12. And honestly sometimes I think I would be ok if she didn't like me just as long as we kept our respectful relationship with each other. Maybe if she didn't like me she would become more capable of finding things to do without me or dh. Maybe get a life outside of the house and I wouldn't have to give her my every second of attention.




Quoting painNtheazz:

 This, and as the other poster asked, how old is the child?



Quoting packermomof2:



No, just as long as you remember she doesn't have to like you either.  Nothing wrong with it.  Sometimes we don't like people. 



She may feel some of the exact same things about you that you do about her.



 



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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:59 PM
I really would love to get her involved in stuff but as of late she has decided she's not a sports person and has no desire to do anything non sport related. We also don't have much to offer being we live in a smaller town. I can't even ask her to go to a friends house being that she has none. I also don't have dh support as he sees nothing wrong. I think he likes being her only friend.
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