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Trying to manage it all with two stepkids and two exes

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:56 PM
  • 16 Replies

I have recently married into a situation with 2 girls, ages 8 and 16. I have a grown son, so I am finding out that girls  are way different! The situation is complicated. Ex #1 is a good mother, but non-communicative to me. Ex #2 is horrific.....she has a mental illness, but is very manipulative and conniving too.

I'm looking for support and advice on how to handle things while being a good wife and mother. 

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Buy lots of wine....
warnerdr
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:00 PM

I've recently started doing that!

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Make SO handle the ex's.
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Melina74
by Melina on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:54 AM
4 moms liked this
Talk to your husband, figure out rules, expectations and discipline for your household and both of you stick to them.

Let DH handle the exes.

Make time for your marriage.

Don't be a parent to the SD's, that's what your DH and their BM's are for. Be a support person to them. Think of it as you having fun with the kids while the parents do the heavy lifting.

You should be respected in your home by skids and DH. DH needs to lead that effort by leading by example and handling anything that arises quickly.

It's ok to step back and take time for yourself.

Good luck!
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BioNerd
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:27 AM

 I like this. Good advice!


Quoting Melina74:

Talk to your husband, figure out rules, expectations and discipline for your household and both of you stick to them.

Let DH handle the exes.

Make time for your marriage.

Don't be a parent to the SD's, that's what your DH and their BM's are for. Be a support person to them. Think of it as you having fun with the kids while the parents do the heavy lifting.

You should be respected in your home by skids and DH. DH needs to lead that effort by leading by example and handling anything that arises quickly.

It's ok to step back and take time for yourself.

Good luck!


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I've got two stepkids and two ex's to deal with too.  One is a good mother for the most part but manipulative and controlling of her son.  The other doesn't seem to have much time for her son but is much easier to deal with.  I've learned the best way to handle it is to be the bigger person and walk away.  There are a lot of fights that just aren't worth it.

ejsmom4604
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:18 AM

It's simple, you don't manage the ex's. That's your DH's job. I would just be all into the fun stuff. What interests the girls. Like is the 8 yr old into Barbies? Have fun with that. What shows does the 16 yr old like? Are any in common with you? You two can discuss that. 

Any communications with the BM's should be done by DH except in a case of an emergency (like DH ran to the store, the girls are home with you and one gets sick or something) and even then first call should be to DH and he can call the BM. 

But that is just what I THINK I would do in your situation. :)

shanlee42
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:21 PM
It's easiest for BD to handle it all. I don't have any contact with BM other than a hello at soccer games.
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packermomof2
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:39 PM

Neither mom has to deal with you at all. 

You're not other people's kids mother, so my advice on being a good mother is just keep doing what you're doing with your kid and let the parents handle their children. 

Being a good wife means different things to different people, but you can support your man in how he chooses to raise his kids and in him working with the moms.

FoodIsLife
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:49 PM
2 moms liked this

We'll be here when Shit hits the fan...happens to us all :-) 

welcome to cafemom

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