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SO NERVOUS... this may be a long one! *UPDATE* - ANOTHER UPDATE* (Blue)

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:45 AM
  • 52 Replies


So BM will be notified today that my SO is taking her back to court to Modify his parenting time. I am so nervous based on the details of the motion and what it says...she is going to be so angry...and she can be so nasty when she is.


A little back story....  My SO's CO is every other weekends and Tues and Thurs until 8:30pm.  Last summer (june/july) my SS5 really started to become hysterical everytime we had to take him home. He would hold onto my SO's leg, tell his mom he hated it there, tell her he didnt want to be there etc. to the point that my SO and I left in tears from dropping them off because it was tough seeing him so upset. Not to mention, it raised some red flags to us as to why all of the sudden he seemed to have such an issue with going home.(anyone who has seen some of my other posts know that there are some issues etc but thats another story) So for July and August we started keeping the kids overnight on Tuesdays. (at the time my SO was only taking them on Tuesdays as he overpay's in CS due to the amount of overtime(800hrs) he worked the year they used to to asses what his CS would be. because of that he needed to work overtime on thrusdays in order to make enough money to cover his bills). Once school started, we went back to regular Tuesday visitation. In October we moved back to the town the kids and BM live in (basically right down the street from each other) but we wanted to be closer to the kids...so it had been SO's plan all along to move back to that town. Since October the kids have stayed almost EVERY Tuesday...some Thursdays (they cut overtime at work all togther so my SO takes the kids on Thursdays now that he is able) and even Sunday nights on our weekends. In October my SO told BM that he was not going to keep dropping of SS5 when he was upset like that...and she said she thought he just missed him. My SO suggested taking them more often and she agreed but told him he could take them whenever he wanted as long as it wasnt overnight because she needed to "cover her butt" and couldnt have trying to get lower support. The problem is...if we take them everyday...great...however the problem was taking him back so it didnt make much sense. My SO said it was about the kids and making them happy...BM agreed but again said she could have him lowering his support. Just a little side note...out of 31 days in october...we had the kids 21 of them. In November we had them 17 days out of the month etc. My SO again tried to come to an agreement with her about a month ago...since we've already been living this schedule for months...but she refused to formalize between the two of them for fear that her child support will be reduced. So my SO met with a lawyer last week. We have every additional day and overnight they spent with us documented and supported with text messages of her complying. My SO started a motion to modify his parent time. He is not asking for anything more than what we've already been doing since basically July. He's just asking for it to be formalized so the kids dont have to guess from week to week on whether or not they're allowed to stay. We are at her discretion all the time and the CO's but it should be about what makes the kids happy...not about how it will affect her pocket in the long run. and if we have them basically HALF of the time...it really isnt fair to SO. (the last 3 weekends that were her weekends, the kids were at our house.)


She will get the paperwork today and I am so nervous because I know she is going to be angry. But my SO did try to come to an agreement with her outside of Court on multiple occassions and she just wouldnt do it. So he had to do what he had to from the kids and for himself. I'm afraid she will no longer let them stay during the week now, no matter how much SS5 cries and begs her because shes going to be angry. The lawyer said if she does...this will affect her negatively as they hate to see people use their children as pawns or for revenge or to spite the other parent. Everytime i think about her getting the papers I get a little nervous feeling and a little nausea.. it passes...but i guess i cant help my nerves. YIKES!


UPDATE: SO finally goes to court for this next Friday. I cannot wait until it's all over. Too much stress! She hasn't allowed SO to have any additional time with the kids since she's received the motion. She even said to SO during a phone call in which he called to ask if they could stay over cuz they asked to...that "maybe if *YSS* Dad didnt want to take his Mom to court every minute then he could stay, but since he does, he cant" which was recorded and submitted to the court. She wouldnt allow them to attend SO's nephews birthday party either. It was during her weekend which has NEVER ever been an issue...she claimed she had plans with them, SS14 told us they did nothing. They were both bummed they couldnt make it.  1 more week. Fingers crossed for us! 


UPDATE (5/23/13)

SO recieved the "tenative" decision from the judge today. He and his lawyer are not happy as the judge is making them go to mediation. SO has already tried on three different occasions to come to an agreement with BM. As I have stated before, her only objection is child support reduction, so she continues to refuse. If nothing comes out of mediation they will need to pay a CNA to determine. Which is probably what is going to happen. SO's lawyer feels the judge was being extrememely lazy and just passed this off to someone else instead of making a decision on his own. It's going to take more time and money, but we will get there I suppose. I just feel awful for SO and the kids though because since she was served in April...she has not allowed any additional time with the kids. The kids and SO are used to seeing each other more than 50% of the time...and for the past month it's been far less. I'm hoping for their sake they can do mediation/CNA asap!


by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TruIris
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:53 AM
3 moms liked this

I think modifying the parenting time is the right thing to do. Since you live so close to the kids it looks like 50/50 or something close to it is a good option. I'm not sure that would even affect CS depending on what state you are in. I do want to note though that there seems to be a lot of talk between the two parties about making the kids happy. What is best for the kids does not always make them happy. 

ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like your DH has a pretty good lawyer. She probably will get mad, but like you said its her on fault. Just breathe and try not to think about it. There's nothing you can really do anyway. If she does require the kids to come home on days she normally let them stay just remind SS y'all will be back to get in 2 days (or however many until the.next visit).
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BioNerd
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:00 AM

Since you guys live practically right down the street from each other, I guess I don't see what the issue is with dropping the kids off when visits are done. I understand that the one child has fits when he goes back, but kids do that. They grow out of it eventually.

It sounds like your DH is getting quite a bit of visitation, more than what 50/50 usually provides. Now that he has tried to make it 'official' by taking her back to court, he can probably kiss that good bye. What's worse is the possibility that the courts decide NOT to modify the agreement, and his visitation stays the same. Then BM is probably not going to allow the extra visits at all. It sounds like he may have really opened up a can of worms.

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:03 AM


I agree with that. (about what makes them happy not always being best). Both SO and BM have agreed they think its in the best interest for the kids to spend more time with SO... BM says "they need that". I probably should have elaborated a little more on that in my original post. The problem really is that although she complies it would be good for them to be with SO more often and the complies in letting the boys stay when they want to stay, she just wont formally agree to it because she knows how it will affect her child support. She gets $1495 a month for them. (like i said it wasnt assesed the right way as my SO had worked over 800 hrs of overtime that year so he had made alot. since then he's made $6000 less each year since it was assesed because the overtime has not been there...and a few months ago they cut overtime all together). His child support will be substantially reduced if the Parent time hes been doing is formalized.  In our state, even with 50/50, the higher earning parent still have to pay SOME child support to make up for difference in the other household. For SO, although we are struggling because of CS, its not about that for him. He just wants something to be in place that says they can stay with us every tuesday and thursday, like we've been doing...and every Sunday night on our weekend (also have been doing) so that the kids don't have to constantly call their mom and beg her to stay. BM says she has told SS5 that he has to come home but that she feel bad because he begs her to stay so she lets him but she doesnt want my SO taking her to court for CS.

Quoting TruIris:

I think modifying the parenting time is the right thing to do. Since you live so close to the kids it looks like 50/50 or something close to it is a good option. I'm not sure that would even affect CS depending on what state you are in. I do want to note though that there seems to be a lot of talk between the two parties about making the kids happy. What is best for the kids does not always make them happy. 



ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:04 AM


His lawyer is very good. We like her alot and he feels very comfortable with her. He told me his divorce lawyer was an idiot and he wishes he had her then. lol

Quoting ramita:

Sounds like your DH has a pretty good lawyer. She probably will get mad, but like you said its her on fault. Just breathe and try not to think about it. There's nothing you can really do anyway. If she does require the kids to come home on days she normally let them stay just remind SS y'all will be back to get in 2 days (or however many until the.next visit).



TruIris
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM
3 moms liked this

I'm thinking BF should have CS looked at again anyway. Since he is making less he should be able to get it reduced. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I agree with BioNerd in that if he doesn't get the modification, she probably isn't going to allow him the extra time.  But I think that your SO's motivation--a set schedule for the kiddo--is wise.

I don't know about the laws in your state, does a modification to the CO'd visitation autmatically kick off a review of the CO'd CS?

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:08 AM


His lawyer says that since we've been living this arraingement for such a long time that she cant see any judge not granting him what he's asking for. But we shall see, and that may be so...with SS14 its a little diff because he is usually out with friends etc...but she will drop SS5 off if she has to go to the store, or because hes bored, or because he wants to come over, or she has to go somewhere etc. So you may be right about that... However, as awful as this is, we feel that she cares ALOT about the money she gets for them...and if she isnt getting what she wants and is used to...she will care less about how often they are over or spend the night. She agrees they should spend more time with SO...she thinks its good for them...her ONLY problem with them staying is that she will loose money in child support.

Quoting BioNerd:

Since you guys live practically right down the street from each other, I guess I don't see what the issue is with dropping the kids off when visits are done. I understand that the one child has fits when he goes back, but kids do that. They grow out of it eventually.

It sounds like your DH is getting quite a bit of visitation, more than what 50/50 usually provides. Now that he has tried to make it 'official' by taking her back to court, he can probably kiss that good bye. What's worse is the possibility that the courts decide NOT to modify the agreement, and his visitation stays the same. Then BM is probably not going to allow the extra visits at all. It sounds like he may have really opened up a can of worms.



BioNerd
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:11 AM

 I guess it's just a wait and see thing then. Hopefully it goes in DH's favor, and everything works out okay! I'd just be ready and prepared for the backlash, just in case!

Quoting ChelseNichole:

 

His lawyer says that since we've been living this arraingement for such a long time that she cant see any judge not granting him what he's asking for. But we shall see, and that may be so...with SS14 its a little diff because he is usually out with friends etc...but she will drop SS5 off if she has to go to the store, or because hes bored, or because he wants to come over, or she has to go somewhere etc. So you may be right about that... However, as awful as this is, we feel that she cares ALOT about the money she gets for them...and if she isnt getting what she wants and is used to...she will care less about how often they are over or spend the night. She agrees they should spend more time with SO...she thinks its good for them...her ONLY problem with them staying is that she will loose money in child support. 

 

 

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:12 AM


Yes. If the parent time he has already been practicing is formalized...it will automatically reduce his CS. In our state, CS is based on percentage of parenting time, among other things of course. His CS should be lower anyway even with the agreement he has now...but because of all the overtime he had the year it was assed it put him at the number he has now.

Quoting Birdseed:

I agree with BioNerd in that if he doesn't get the modification, she probably isn't going to allow him the extra time.  But I think that your SO's motivation--a set schedule for the kiddo--is wise.

I don't know about the laws in your state, does a modification to the CO'd visitation autmatically kick off a review of the CO'd CS?



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