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She thinks im jealous

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
So my bestfriend thinks im jealous of my ex after 4 years of us breaking up. She thinks im only married because I couldnt stand to see my ex with his wife. My bestfriend has always been an open person but for some reason this is bothering me because I do not want my ex or I am not jealous of him. I can admit I never thought in a millions years that I would have a DD and never been married to her father and us being seperated with new spouses in so little time. My dd has never been able to experience nothing with just me her and her father. Its always been either just her dad,my DD, her sm, and their kids and me and dh and my DD. My ex has been married for 3 years, I have been married for 2 and i still feel this way. Why cant I be happy for my ex instead when I hear good things or good things of how well my DD is doing over their it makes me angry and wish that her father did leave my dd as well so My dh can adopt her, I know that it is wrong for me to feel this way because my DD deserves her father but I never wanted to bring her into this world and her parents seperated so quickly before she even was born.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:51 PM
5 moms liked this
Sounds like your best friend knows you better than you know yourself. If that isn't jealousy then what is it?
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ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:54 PM
It sounds like jealousy. Maybe not so much jealous because you want him, but jealous that you can't have that intact family unit they seem to have even if she isn't always there. I think it would be wise for you to get some counseling.
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MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:57 PM
I don't know if jealous is the word I would use but you are living in the past and have unresolved issues and feelings regarding your ex.
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dallas4nu
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:05 PM
I think your jealous of the family unit your ex and his wife have and the fact that your DD is a key part of that family. If you weren't insecure about your own marriage/family then your ex' happiness wouldn't be an issue..
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BioNerd
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:11 PM

With all do respect, OP, I agree with this.

Quoting GlockMom:

Sounds like your best friend knows you better than you know yourself. If that isn't jealousy then what is it?

 

Mommyof5247
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:00 PM
This sounded so much like my DH's XW situation...or so it seems by her behavior (no offense intended).
I don't know of anyone who plans/wants to have a child & not be with the other parent permanently. Everyone I know (myself included) wanted to remain an "intact" family.
But sometimes, it just does work out for numerous reasons.

It must be the way you're looking at it...you each have intact families. Your child is not missing out on family just because her bio-parents are not together. She has many people who love & care for her, I'm sure.

Be happy with your new life. It's sad to think that someone would remarry just to avoid being alone or to compete with their ex. That's not healthy or fair to the new partner. Enjoy what you have, even the moments of "freedom" when your DD is with the other side of her family. Counseling may help if it continues to bother you.
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LittleMama2012
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Sounds like your best friend knows you well. It does sound like you are jealous. Maybe not of your ex, but of your dd and the family she has with her dad, sm and siblings. Focus on your marriage and your family. Bm always said she wasn't in a hurry to marry(she and Dh never were) and she didn't want kids. When we finally got married and had our first child. She called me up for a "woman's advice". She said she wanted to get married to the on again/off again boyfriend because she wanted another kid and she wanted out of her parents house. I told her that wasn't a good reason. She said she wanted a family like we had. They were married in May, baby came in January and separated by September.

So focus on your family and be happy that dd has a dad that is in her life.
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:24 PM

Who cares, your anon.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:45 PM
1 mom liked this
At first I was thinking your post made sense and that you don't need to be jealous. But then you kind of all let it spill out. That may not be jealousy but it sure as hell isn't security. I would very much recommend you get some therapy. It is natural to mourn the loss of a marriage, a friendship, a lover, a family but it's been 4 years and it's time to accept that he is her father, she will never experience a nuclear family and that your husband isn't going to be able to swoop in and take the place of her father. He is not her father. You don't have to be happy for your ex but you need to accept him as the father of your mutual child. Your poor daughter probably feels every bit of your negative feelings about her father and his family and that is very unhealthy.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Quite frankly, I think it is ok to be envious and 'want' a family life like someone else. Don't we teach our children 'what to want' in a partner and in family. Don't be like me, wait and find the right man, if he loves you he will wait, don't have babies before being married and stable. It's ok to see something that you admire and want for yourself. Unhealthy is when you belittle it; jealousy is when you bad mouth it and try to make yourself feel better by putting someone else down. I am honored when someone tells me, I want a love like y'all have, I want a marriage like you have. It means that my happiness and the foundation of my relationship is beaming outside of these 4 walls and that someone has noticed that I am one lucky lady.


Quoting LittleMama2012:

Sounds like your best friend knows you well. It does sound like you are jealous. Maybe not of your ex, but of your dd and the family she has with her dad, sm and siblings. Focus on your marriage and your family. Bm always said she wasn't in a hurry to marry(she and Dh never were) and she didn't want kids. When we finally got married and had our first child. She called me up for a "woman's advice". She said she wanted to get married to the on again/off again boyfriend because she wanted another kid and she wanted out of her parents house. I told her that wasn't a good reason. She said she wanted a family like we had. They were married in May, baby came in January and separated by September.



So focus on your family and be happy that dd has a dad that is in her life.

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