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Frustrated to tears with dh & ss...

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:02 PM
  • 21 Replies
We are a blended family, like most these days. My ds15, sd13, ss11,dd5 & ds3. My ss11 has some issues, well, I think they are issues as well as many other people like friends, family and teachers. But my dh just refuses to see this as it is!
I thought for awhile I hated my ss, but I don't. What I know is I feel resentful of his ugly attitude and that I have to watch over him as much as my youngest children.I feel frustrated that ss is almost 12 and still cannot properly dress himself for the day or brush his teeth. I am sad that his teachers send reports home that he is below average in reading, disrespectful to others, including staff. I am angered that he bullies my little ones and yet if I even loose my temper after repeating myself over and over... I am in the wrong.
Dh are now fighting, over the phone and via text. I am begging him to help us get this kids some kind of help, councilors, meds, whatever... he is so pissed now he won't even talk to me...
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by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MonkeyDoodleMom
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:38 PM
1 mom liked this

 Ugh, that is so hard. If the issues continue at school it is really time for DH to step in and be the parent here. You can only do so much-- you are NOT the parent, and it's taken me a while to really grasp that too. In this situation, it's got to be DH who looks past his own guilt or excuses and focus instead on the child who needs someone to care enough to help.

In my situation it's worked better for me to try to offer an objective perspective...and then take the very hard step of understanding my SD is not my child and step back--as these decisions are not really up to me. Unless there is imminent danger to you or the other children, it's gotta be Dad.

So let DAD take up the "watching over" of a nearly 12yr-old. Without you stepping in, DH may see the situation differently.

Godspeed. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:52 PM
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Yeah, you are rightfully frusturated if you are the one dealing with a SS without support to do anything.  If DH doesn't support you or take action or follow up with doctors, therapists, etc then you are stuck.  I wouldn't be able to stay with a DH in this situation.

SillyDayze
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:57 PM
Thanks, and I wish it could be that way. But dh works 6 days a weeks, late into the evening. BM sees the kids 1 weekend a month. I AM the parent & have been for half of his life. If I don't correct him, who will? I am to the point I am ashamed to say but I worry he may have it in him to hurt someone at some point. Me, because he hates me. My kids, because he resents them, someone else because he is angry? How do you hold that responsibility?
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BethBritton
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:01 PM

I feel your pain. My SD is 12, but acts like she's 5 or 6. My DH just can't see this. It amazes me! It's so obvious that she's not behaving like a "typical" 12 year old girl! She has gotten Saturday School & dention twice this year because of tardies to class. She's NEVER late in the mornings because I TAKE HER TO SCHOOL!! She's just screwing around between classes!

A few weeks ago she got up in the middle of class & ran out the door to hug her older brother who was walking down the hall. WTH?? Another time, she was given an assignment with specific instructions. She didn't follow instructions & just did it HER way. Her grades were horrible at the end of the first semester. I asked her if I could help her. She asked me to help her with her math. I'm HORRIBLE at math, so I asked her to go get her text book. She didn't have it with her. She claims that she didn't know she could bring her book home. Are you freakin' kidding me? She acts like she's dumber than a box of hair, but I know she's not. I think she's just acting out. My DH does NOT get it. It's so frustrating!! I'm having a hard time liking my SD. I love her, but struggling with the "like" part...

SillyDayze
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:19 PM
There with my SD, sh is just about 14. CH has let her go so long without discipline that she is a hot mess now. So he finally comes down on her but if I try to make sure she is on the computer for an hr and not pushing an hr and a half, she argues, I argue, she lies, I raise my voice, he tells me to back off... wth!
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ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:54 PM
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Okay after reading stuff tell your DH either he has your back or he gets a babysitter for both mornings and evenings and any weekends he has to work. Also, if its your stuff they're using stop letting them if its not then tell your DH he/she has been on for x amount of time and walk away.

Honestly I couldn't deal with his attitude. My DH never treats me that way and he knows better. My girls and I would be gone and he'd be left trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I'm not a patient person especially when it comes to ignorance and your DH is being ignorant!!!!
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mommadana
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 5:09 PM

 my STB SKids tried in the beginning to play me and DF against each other. I quickly take care of the issue and then we both call them on it.  We teach respect and also make it clear that anyone to tries (on purpose) to get the other in trouble when they are not doing anything wrong is going to be the one to get in trouble and they need to work it out between them.  Conflict resolution being taught.  We have each other's backs and we will always show a united front as we work with all the kids.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:12 PM
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Darling husband. Getting the kids ready in the morning and watching them is now your job. I will not help, will not transport kids who treats me poorly.

And them stop criticizing his kids. It won't get you anywhere good.
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SillyDayze
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 6:13 PM
Sometimes I feel like the only solution is ever going to be is leaving because I don't think he will ever really listen. But walking out on a marriage? Children? I just don't know what to do.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:22 PM
Tell him to get a baby sitter for his kids.

Than go get a part time job. Since most of his money will go to a babysitter.

Than hope, your kids never behave the same way, or you'll be needing a babysitter.
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