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I am at a loss...priorities are SO out of whack! (RANT)

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:14 PM
  • 9 Replies

 I've posted before about our issues with getting SD8 to counseling. BM *says* she sees how important it is, and that we're all just trying to help SD find her way into a happier place...but when it comes down to actually stepping up, once again BM has bailed for something easier.

The counselor's schedule is ridiculous. She has only Saturday and Thursday appointments. We fixed the issue with not "getting" any Saturdays-- BM was trying to book one appointment at a time. Um, they get full, can't do that! So my DH booked up every Saturday time slot we could get, through the summer. Still, it works out to be every other (or even every third) Saturday. In between, he set up for Thursdays-- which BM has been taking her to, and now her mom (aka Granny) is taking SD to because BM just finally decided to earn a paycheck again since her unemployment was running out. Everyone recognizes the process is helping SD, but is going to take TIME.

Then BM texts DH in a panic. She "forgot" that she had registered SD for an art class that starts next week...on Thursday nights. The timing could still work to do both, but it'd be pretty tight.

My response to him: If the schedule means it's either/or, cancel the art class. SD is FINALLY getting in the groove of talking things out now and we're seeing progress...I'm sorry, how is this even a question?!?

Response: because BM's mom paid for the art class. Ok. So--pay her back? Or, *we* can even help pay back half of it if necessary.

Why is it an option to even consider sacrificing mental health progress for, uh, pretty pictures???

Bottom line, DH had to leave it up to BM because he doesn't have the time off work from the new job to schedule every other Thursday afternoon off to take her to the counselor early enough to also do the art class. That she doesn't need.

And of course BM doesn't want to rock the boat with her mother, who basically said, "Well, I guess, I COULD take her to both...but, UGH! Really, I just HATE having to sit there and wait."

So, yeah. Those Thursday appointments were ALL cancelled in order for Granny to not have to be bored in a waiting room. For an hour. Because with the timing of the art class--SHE COULD HAVE STILL DONE BOTH. But, no. It's too "annoying" to make a priority. WTF, people!!?!

Apparently pacifying petulant adults is more important than helping a child in pain work her way out of it?? How can that be OK????

I don't get it. And, I don't get a vote and can't do anything further about it, so I had to come rant to hopefully some other SM's who can empathize. Once again, taking the "easy" route is failing this child and I wanna scream.

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:40 PM
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She can't find a book to read? 

That's irritating.  Sorry your SD is missing her appointments.  Art can be therapeutic, too... and sometimes informative.  Maybe she'll want to show her drawings to the counselor? 

MonkeyDoodleMom
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 3:44 PM

 I thought the same thing! Bring a book to pass the grueling, horrible hour that is helping this kid communicate better... (smh). Good idea about the artwork. Maybe it can still help somehow; thanks.

Quoting Derdriu:

She can't find a book to read? 

That's irritating.  Sorry your SD is missing her appointments.  Art can be therapeutic, too... and sometimes informative.  Maybe she'll want to show her drawings to the counselor? 

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:12 PM
2 moms liked this

We have two special needs children with various therapies/counseling (physical therapy, occuaptional therapy, behavior therapy, aquatic therapy, and counseling). It ends up being about 3-5 hours a week of me sitting in waiting rooms. Honestly, it's my time to just chill. I bring my yarn and crochet hook, a book to read, there have been several times I've brought my laptop too.

But, for DH and I, the priority is the kids' medical needs (mental and physical).

I'd be consulting with an attorney about this. Especially if the counselor wants your SD there weekly. 

rebeccasmly
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:23 PM

Oh no! How sad since she has been making progress. Its that little girl who is going to suffer the most. :-(

SillyDayze
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this
How is it that we, step mom's have no say? Do we not love those kids? Accept them? Worry, care, hurt, and pay for those kids? I have invested 6 years of my life to my step kids and I get heartache in return from my dh, them, the bm. And I am told it's because I didn't deliver them. OMG!
Don't stop fighting for that girl OP.Hopefully she will see how much you love her.
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lnr187
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:26 PM

 i would be incredibly irritated too! gread a freakin magazine granny! bring a book. grow up!! how long does the art class go for? i would tell bm to make sure she never signs sd up for anything on thursdays again!

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:35 PM

Maybe the art will help too.  

They use art therapeutically in a directed way but for lots of people, having a cherished hobby is almost as good as going to a therapist.  

Generally, I think it's crappy that all of those appts had to be canceled.  But if DH can't help get her there then I guess he's up a crick. 

Does this therapist have partner or someone she could recommend with more hours of availability?


KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Wow! My SD goes to therapy every other week without faily. Of course it's all our doing. BM has never even been to the place. I go everytime. I get bored out of my mind at times but the child is way more important than anything else. Some people need to get over themselves and remember that it's all for the children.

MonkeyDoodleMom
by on Oct. 6, 2013 at 4:08 PM
As a reminder of the details of my situation, let's revisit THIS thread.

Oh wait, this isn't as much fun as trolling through to bump a post from over a year ago in which a mere mortal vented a small complaint.

I do not understand why so many people on here seem to find such glee trying to shred other people for sport.

I am trying to find a way through a difficult situation and silly me, thought I would reach out to other SM's.

This child has issues that were present long before her parents divorced. She got handed a bunch more as a result of the divorce and reality is not her first choice right now. So she lies, and she lashes out, and everyone in the blast zone has to brace for fallout.

Don't have to deal with that? Lucky you. Lay off the viciousness maybe and count your blessings.



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