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I came across this earlier today - http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/2011/05/the-second-wife-syndrome/

 

For those that can't/don't want to click the link, I've copied and pasted the article below. Thoughts? How would you feel if you recieved the letter below? 

 

___________________________________________________________________________

 

Women can be catty and women can be petty and even pretty mean sometimes, in fact we can be our own worst enemies.  But, when you are the second wife and you are disrespectful or jealous of the first wife, it is what I call “The Second Wife Syndrome.”

What constitutes this syndrome?  Anger, jealousy, judgment, lack of cooperation and communication and oftentimes stepping in the middle of the parenting of the husband and ex-wife, making it very difficult to co-parent without mishap.

I know women who have been a first wife with an ex remarried and a then a second wife.  Many times, as the second wife, women stand in the background, trying to make as little trouble as possible, leaving the parenting and the plan making up to the parents who gave birth to those children.  But, what happens when Second Wife Syndrome is an issue and you can’t co-parent?

Here is a letter for all of the second wives out there that have Second Wife Syndrome, and I would like to share it with you.

Dear Second Wife:

He’s all yours now, and I wish you the best of luck in your new life. I hope he treats you better and loves you more. I pray for you that he is a better step-father than he is a father and although I would love to tell you some of his habits and personality traits, I think it is best you find out for yourself, and don’t ignore those large pieces of luggage in the closet, you’ll be sorry if you do.

I realize from the way you are treating me you have problems with me.   But, it’s a fact of life that I was married to him and am the mother of his children, and I don’t like it anymore than you do, so please get over it.  By the way, I am sorry he is not trained yet.  I’m sorry that he still makes messes on the carpet and sniffs other dogs, but remember these adages; a leopard can’t change his spots and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Is he complaining to you about paying the child support?  I’m so sorry to hear that!  But, these are his children too, and you knew he had them before you got married, or did you?

We could have been friends, if nothing else, than for the sake of the children, but you have rebuffed all my offers of getting to know each other.  It’s a shame, because I could have told you so many things.

I realize you think I am jealous of you, but I’ve been where you are, and know there is nothing to be jealous about.  You do, however, have my blessing and my sympathy.  I wish you the best of luck, and when he does to you what he did to me, please don’t knock on my door for sympathy.  All I ask is that you treat my children well when they are with you, and please don’t take your insecurities out on them.

From,

Wife #1 (or 2 or even 3)

If any of you are dealing with Second Wife Syndrome and would like to borrow this letter, feel free to do so.

by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 7:02 PM
Replies (11-20):
AMBG825
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 9:31 PM
6 moms liked this

 Dear Wife #1,

 

If he's all mine and I can have them can you please stop telling the kids that when I'm gone he is going to let you move back in so you can be one big happy family again. BTW, the divorce was final when I met him so there is no truth to you telling the children that I'm the reason you are no longer married. The marriage was over well before I was ever in the picture.

 

I appreciate your offers to extend friendship. However I do not believe busting out the window of my car and slashing my tires to be a token of admiration. Neither did the police. I would appreciate if you kept those "tokens" to yourself.  And the cute nickname of "rich bitch" simply because I have a job and haven't been on welfare for the last 14 years is getting quite old. The other terms of endearment you use to refer to me I was taught only come out of the mouths of sailors and hookers. Since you're not in the Navy .......

 

And I'm not stupid despite how much you tell the kids I am. I know that when you're being nice all you want is me to pay for something for you. MY husband and I are already paying 100% of the kids' expenses. If I'm going to take on your responsibility because you can't/won't then yes, I will demand that the kids respect me and treat me with courtesy. If you prefer that I step back completely, then you are more than welcome to pay your child support and exorcise your visitation. You can then pay all their expenses as you should be doing rather than expecting me to do so.

 

Sincerely Second wife.

newwife1
by Silver Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:00 PM

LMAO. That was funny.

Thanks.

mom2boys664
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:49 PM

Now that's funny :) 


Quoting AMBG825:

  

 Since you're not in the Navy .......

 

 


 

 

Pero2
by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 4:28 AM
2 moms liked this

I could have written that letter, because the description fits my ex like a glove ... but it would have never occured to me!

SM wanted the ex badly ... so badly that she didn't even mind that he was still in a relationship with me, and that she wasn't his only lover either. She didn't mind helping him hiding part of our assets so I would get less in the split, and actively did everything she could to cause as much disruption and hatred as possible.  Yep, there were things I wanted to say to her. But. ...

Why should I? She wanted my life and my man. She's got both. They are bankrupt, she has to constantly worry about money (as I did prior to my separation), ex is cheating on her... I know, because he mistakenly sent me his raunchy texts intended for his lover(s).

Me? I earn good money, bought my own house, take holidays, got a car that's actually paid for, a horse ... and a lovely, faithful man by my side to share it all.

Is my life perfect? Nope, but the only aspects that aren't are the ones that ex can influence (e.g. by not paying his share of DD's school fees etc.).

No warning from me ... in fact, long may it last!

Steppedon11
by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Love it and a big amen!


Quoting progressandjoy:


I came across this earlier today - http://www.postdivorcechronicles.com/2011/05/the-second-wife-syndrome/


 


For those that can't/don't want to click the link, I've copied and pasted the article below. Thoughts? How would you feel if you recieved the letter below? 


 


___________________________________________________________________________


 


Women can be catty and women can be petty and even pretty mean sometimes, in fact we can be our own worst enemies.  But, when you are the second wife and you are disrespectful or jealous of the first wife, it is what I call “The Second Wife Syndrome.”


What constitutes this syndrome?  Anger, jealousy, judgment, lack of cooperation and communication and oftentimes stepping in the middle of the parenting of the husband and ex-wife, making it very difficult to co-parent without mishap.


I know women who have been a first wife with an ex remarried and a then a second wife.  Many times, as the second wife, women stand in the background, trying to make as little trouble as possible, leaving the parenting and the plan making up to the parents who gave birth to those children.  But, what happens when Second Wife Syndrome is an issue and you can’t co-parent?


Here is a letter for all of the second wives out there that have Second Wife Syndrome, and I would like to share it with you.



Dear Second Wife:


He’s all yours now, and I wish you the best of luck in your new life. I hope he treats you better and loves you more. I pray for you that he is a better step-father than he is a father and although I would love to tell you some of his habits and personality traits, I think it is best you find out for yourself, and don’t ignore those large pieces of luggage in the closet, you’ll be sorry if you do.


I realize from the way you are treating me you have problems with me.   But, it’s a fact of life that I was married to him and am the mother of his children, and I don’t like it anymore than you do, so please get over it.  By the way, I am sorry he is not trained yet.  I’m sorry that he still makes messes on the carpet and sniffs other dogs, but remember these adages; a leopard can’t change his spots and you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.


Is he complaining to you about paying the child support?  I’m so sorry to hear that!  But, these are his children too, and you knew he had them before you got married, or did you?


We could have been friends, if nothing else, than for the sake of the children, but you have rebuffed all my offers of getting to know each other.  It’s a shame, because I could have told you so many things.


I realize you think I am jealous of you, but I’ve been where you are, and know there is nothing to be jealous about.  You do, however, have my blessing and my sympathy.  I wish you the best of luck, and when he does to you what he did to me, please don’t knock on my door for sympathy.  All I ask is that you treat my children well when they are with you, and please don’t take your insecurities out on them.


From,


Wife #1 (or 2 or even 3)


If any of you are dealing with Second Wife Syndrome and would like to borrow this letter, feel free to do so.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 11:11 AM

I would never send a letter like this.  Pointless and not worth my time.  Truth is I didn't have to say a damn thing about my ex... she called me in tears.  If I had told her about all the times he cheated she would have made it out to be my fault or something.  Until it happens to you it isn't your issue right? LOL  And when she did call me I did not list all the thing he had done or not done because I know that cycle.  She wasn't going to leave him and then it would be this big fight.  No thanks I'll sit over here and be a good mom to my son and they can figure out their marriage.  I did hope that he would change.. but ya that isn't going to happen.

PrettyPenny711
by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 11:27 AM

THis one is more like it. When I am the full-time SM and BM is nothing more than a "friend" and hindrance to proper parenting, it seems a little ridiculous to assume that a second wife is the one who needs advice. She does, but not from BM. THank you anyway.... Wishing all SMs lots of strength and grace.

pepper504
by Gold Member on Apr. 12, 2013 at 12:17 PM
2 moms liked this

Ummm Wow. 

It appears that someone is not quite over their exDH.  This letter screams of insecurities. 

If I got a letter like this from BM, I'd send it back to her with my comment "Thanks for the laugh.  Sincerely, the upgrade."  Nah, not really.  I'd throw it away as if it never appeared.  Done that a few times with the shit drivel that BM has already sent in my mail. 


needsupport100
by on Apr. 12, 2013 at 12:27 PM

nope, because bm sucked royally, and i know she doesn't even compare to me. she and dh moved FAST. like met, moved intogether, was pregnant and married within a matter of months. Although i respect that she openly admited her life is not ok for sd to be around and that's why she's not really active with her, i also disrespect her on the level of allowing her live to get to that point and taking precidence over her DAUGHTER (barf)

i there is no jealousy with me to her simply because i'm nothing like her on any level (other than we are females, and she at one time was in love with the man who now calls me his--THAT'S IT)........we get along on a "working" basis, we are friends on facebook. she has asked me about sd once, but i directed her to dh because it was in the begining of what's currently going on with the state-i'm not even giving her the chance to bring that up with me.

nope, no jealousy here

as far as smom, the ONLY jealousy is that there is another woman taking care and being "mom" when she's with my dd, but that's part of the package deal with a divorce.

as long as she treats dd right, i don't give a damn

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 12, 2013 at 12:29 PM

LOL!  I am a second wife and am anything but jealous of first wife.  I love my step kids with all my heart and am very involved in their lives as well as my step-grandkids lives.  BM doesn't have time for anyone but herself and her new husband and my oldest SS can't stand to be around her and doesn't allow his kds to spend time with her alone.  My DH has said very few things to me about her specifically, but the kids have told me plenty.  She posts all the time about me even though she has never met me. It's so sad. 

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