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Childless Step-mom struggling with infertility

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 10:20 PM
  • 29 Replies
4 moms liked this

I wondered if there are any childless SM who are also struggling with infertility...  I feel like the only one.  

I've been looking online for information about step parenting and also about infertility and came across a post on StillStandingMag.com that seriously hit home...

Can anyone relate to this?  Or am I the only one out there struggling with the "shattered heart" and the strong marriage with the divide of not experiencing having a child together?


http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/04/being-a-stepmom-and-infertility/

"... in due time Hannah gave birth to a son and named him Samuel, for she said, I asked the Lord for him." 1 Samuel 1:20
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 10:20 PM
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ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 10:37 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this! I know your not the only one on here going through this, and I hope you find someone who can relate to your story. Good luck to you!!!
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aeELE
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 10:51 PM
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I'm not, but it's something I fear. 

We are not just yet ready to add to the family, but it is on the horizon. My sister and one of my best friends each had a very difficult time conceiving. It was a long, often painful road, but both of them now have beautiful children to show for it! My nephew is 8 months old and the twins are a year and a half.  

I infer from your quote that you are a woman of faith; it will see you through. And I can promise that you'll have at least one supportive ear here. Love and well wishes! 

SassySM
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 11:08 PM

Thanks for the kind words.  I can't wait for the day I can say, that was all in the past.  For now I'm trying to balance being a stepmom and trying to get pregnant.  I enjoy my stepchildren when they come visit and for the most part we get along well.  It's just difficult knowing that our relationship will never be like one I would have with my own biological child.  Additionally they are in their teens and about to turn 21 so those formative years are pretty much over.  They already have a mom.  Looking forward to the day where I'll have a little one to call me Mommy.  :)

Quoting aeELE:

I'm not, but it's something I fear. 

We are not just yet ready to add to the family, but it is on the horizon. My sister and one of my best friends each had a very difficult time conceiving. It was a long, often painful road, but both of them now have beautiful children to show for it! My nephew is 8 months old and the twins are a year and a half.  

I infer from your quote that you are a woman of faith; it will see you through. And I can promise that you'll have at least one supportive ear here. Love and well wishes! 



"... in due time Hannah gave birth to a son and named him Samuel, for she said, I asked the Lord for him." 1 Samuel 1:20
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 11:19 PM

I can't imagine...

infertility is hard enough without loving a man who already has kids.

i went through it with BF.  I'm sorry.  It is hard.  And I was married to someone who didn't have kids so he was going through it also...

MrsHurley08
by Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 11:26 PM
I am going thru this.. my ss will be 9 in june lived with us since 4.. we have been ttc for almost 5 years.... I feel that divide sometimes altho I never discuss it with dh!! Lately I have been having a really hard time with it.. sometimes I want to just throw my hands us and say I'm done!!
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Giver222
by Member on Apr. 14, 2013 at 12:31 AM
I'm going through the same thing. My thought process about our chances conceiving are up and down. I really want to be pregnant now... :) I just try to focus on my marriage and making sure when we have the skids were all happy and having fun. I understand 100% !!! :) Keep focusing on all that you do have. I'm here for you !!


Quoting SassySM:

I wondered if there are any childless SM who are also struggling with infertility...  I feel like the only one.  

I've been looking online for information about step parenting and also about infertility and came across a post on StillStandingMag.com that seriously hit home...

Can anyone relate to this?  Or am I the only one out there struggling with the "shattered heart" and the strong marriage with the divide of not experiencing having a child together?


http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/04/being-a-stepmom-and-infertility/


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KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Apr. 14, 2013 at 12:34 AM

Nope you're not the only one. I am walking this path but coming out on the other end. Everything will be okay no matter how it turns out. 

princesskt
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 12:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm going through the same thing, so I definitely know the pain you are experiencing.

MY SS's mother passed away and he calls me mom.  I'm treated as a mother not a step mother by him.  I actually see my habits/traits in his personality..I guess it's nature v/s nurture...So it is like I have my "own".   I love him and treat him like he is my own, but I would like to have a biological child with my husband.  If it doesn't work out I feel like I am blessed to have my SS in my life...

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 14, 2013 at 12:53 AM
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It really sucks and you have feelings that you just can't hash out with anyone in your situation. I think it greatly affected my feelings toward BM. In my first marriage I struggled with it too. We tried for 4 years and finally moved on to further treatments. It added stress to a marriage that was questionable anyway. We fought a lot. Then during one of my counseling sessions with the infertility practice I decided that we weren't good for each other anyways.


That stress/anger/who knows what it was while DH and I TTC was focused on BM. Why could she get pregnant at the drop of a hat then not take care of her kids. It really pissed me off to no end. We had been not preventing/NFP for 3 years and nothing. But it wasn't something I could talk about. So I internalized a lot. My friends and family saw me basically raising 3 young kids so why would I need my own? DH got BM pregnant with in the first month or two then had 3 kids bam bam bam.... Obviously the problem wasn't with him. It's hard to know its you and the experts not be able to come up with a reason.

But then it happened. Just when we decided not to pursue any treatments. Baby dust to you.
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EachNewBreath
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 1:28 AM

http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2013/03/icomleavwe-april-2013/ 

One woman's DH had a vasecitmy (ms I know) after having 2 children with his 1 wife. Wife #2 is IF. I cant remember which one of these blogs is hers

She is not the only one though. 

I would seriously consider checking out that website

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