SD is 12, almost 13, but developmentally about 6-9 depending on the skill. Socially/emotionally she's about 6-7ish. BM is CO'ed EOWE but only takes one visit a month, anywhere from a few hours to a full weekend. She lives 5 miles away.
SD keeps coming to me and talking about how she's upse with BM for not wanting to spend time with her. I keep encouraging SD to talk to BM or to her counselor about it. SD says she's scared to talk to BM because when she does BM just yells at her about how busy she is. SD spent 4 days away on Spring break. BM dropped SD off with BM's mom on Wednesday and then came back Friday night. BM went out Friday night, slept all day Saturday, went out Saturday night, slept most of Sunday, and then drove SD the 4 hours back to our city.
SD also said she's nervous to talk to the counselor about it because she doesn't want Miss J to think BM is a bad mom. Apparently BM's mom calls BM a bad mom for not spending time with SD, neither DH or I have EVER called BM a bad mom to or around SD, not even around our other kids. I said so in here, and he and I have had conversations about BM away from the house (we're always really worried about SD accidentally over hearing something so we don't talk about anything at home).
I don't know what to say or do to help SD. I'm here to talk to any time she needs me, but nothing gets solved. Every weekend we go through the same issues. SD gets upset because DH and I do things with the kids and it reminds her how BM doesn't; or it's BM's weekend but BM didn't want to take SD; or it's BM's weekend and SD got pawned off to BM's mom...
I tell SD that nothing SD can or can't do effects the choices BM makes, and that it's not SD's fault. But, she still REALLY wants to spend time with her mom. Any time DH has mentioned anything to BM about it she's accused him of lying and just making it up. I just spend 30 minutes comforting SD because BM hasn't had any contact with her since the 7th and doesn't plan to see her at all until Mother's day weekend.
Suggestions, advice, anything to help SD?