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Father's Rights.....HA

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:28 AM
  • 43 Replies

My ex husband is one of those guys who is involved as little as possible, I have friends whose fathers were never even in their lives SO what my husband's going through really makes me ANGRY!!

When DH's ex left him for another man she made him take both of her kids (one his, one was someone elses!)  She visited once a week.  This went on for close to a year, when we started dating.  She flipped out, jealous, and took both kids.  She told him he would never see either one again until we broke up.  Eventually she got sick of having them and within a month she was calling for him to take his daughter.  He filed for joint custody.  Trying to be civil he wrote in the court papers that his daughter needed both parents and how good of a mom bm is (lie).  She responded by filing custody papers saying he has never been part of their daughter's life(lie), he cant hold a job(BEEN AT THE SAME JOB FOR YEARS) and he should only see her eowe.  of course the judge sided with her.  Another year past and even though she requested eowe we have had her every weekend, a lot of times weeks at a time.  we are paying for her to go to our daycare half the time and mom is around when she wants to be.....but decided she needed more child support.  even though we have proof from our daycare bills how much we really have her, bm told the child support office dh has her only 12% they sided with her.  My husband will now only bring home $700 A MONTH!!!!  The rest of his checks will go to child support.  When he tried to fight it stating its an absurd amount to pay and he can't pay bills they said "that doesn't matter, your ex is on daycare assistance, cash assistance, food stamps and medical assistance so you need to cover what your daughter is getting from the state."  Make sense?!?!  So we give more money to someone already on assistance, now we cant pay our bills but we still dont qualify for any assistance??  Oh theres more!!  SD told us and her peditrician that she is being molested by mom's boyfriend.  We turn it in, the investigator on the case accuses us of "using sd to fight with the ex" and "making up stories to cause drama".  the boyfriend moved 3 hours away and skipped out on his interview.  doesnt that make him look guilty?  instead of finding him the case was dropped and we were accused of lying.  because bm was angry her boyfriend moved away she made false allegations on my husband and placed a restraining order on him.  we have text messages from her that state she is angry with him and is going to falsely accuse him of harrassment because he "made her lose her boyfriend" BUT if we want to fight the court order for protection we must pay over $300 even though she lied on a notorized document and we have proof of that.  In the order it states she requests supervised child exchanges and he can only see her every other weekend.  within days of filing the restraining order bm dropped sd off at my sil's house and said "she misses her dad."  She never gave instructions when to have her home or how and my dh isn't allowed to contact her.  AWESOME MOM HUH.  When dh contacted to courthouse to ask how to handle the situation, they told him they couldn't answer his questions and if he has a problem he needs to pay the $300 to fight the restraining order.  Basically treated him like a criminal.  Thanks to this restraining order and increase in child support we can no longer afford the lawyer and he already told us to not even continue our case for more custody because he felt the courts will continue to side with bm.

Father's Rights.....

The right to be treated like a deadbeat no matter how hard you try.  The right to never get ahead financially.  The right to watch your daughter go through hell and no one cares because of MOTHER'S RIGHTS.

What about children's rights??

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
stashia
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:38 AM

oh and i didn't mention that bm has been in and out of rehab for meth.  currently using :(  has moved homes 3 times in the last 2 months.  we have a stable home, stable jobs and have used the same daycare for years.  we just want whats best for sd

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this

I was listening to Dennis Prager's male/female hour when I went to lunch yesterday, and the topic of discussion was why a person who wants to get married will spend years in a relationship with a person who has no intention of marrying.  Something came up about fear of divorce and financial ramifications for the man.  He commented that it was a valid point and that sadly it's the nicest guys who stand to lose the most.  The more cooperative and involved a divorced dad tries to be, the easier it is to take him for CS, funds above CS, etc.  I'd never thought of it that way, but it's kind of true.  If BM is hostile and sue-happy, and BD is willing to bend over backward to ensure he gets visitation and stays involved with his kids, she can screw him six ways to Sunday in court.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:44 AM

 This is awful, what a mess.  Where is the justice here?  Who is looking out for the child?  I don't know what you can do except to contact every agency and advocacy group to get your story out, maybe someone can help.

ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:46 AM
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Your DH should get a NEW lawyer. His lawyer isn't doing enough to fight his case! Also, hire a private detective to get evidence against BM. It.sounds to me your DH got screwed and his lawyer didn't care. Look into pro bono lawyers in your area and lawyers who do income based fees.
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:48 AM

The only thing he can do is get a lawyer. Can he take out a loan? Get an advance from work? Ask family?

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:49 AM

That's a really good suggestion.  If you have evidence of BM lying and filing false reports against your DH, lawyers love cases that look cut and dried.  A justice-driven pro bono father's rights attorney would probably be all over that.


Quoting ramita:

Your DH should get a NEW lawyer. His lawyer isn't doing enough to fight his case! Also, hire a private detective to get evidence against BM. It.sounds to me your DH got screwed and his lawyer didn't care. Look into pro bono lawyers in your area and lawyers who do income based fees.


 

ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:54 AM
This reminded me many states have 'Father rights groups'. Contact them. If you have proof of these lies they will get involved. They may be on the other side of your state, but the trip would be worth it in the end. If there's not one in your state check neighboring states they may have one willing to help somehow. Good luck!


Quoting Derdriu:

That's a really good suggestion.  If you have evidence of BM lying and filing false reports against your DH, lawyers love cases that look cut and dried.  A justice-driven pro bono father's rights attorney would probably be all over that.




Quoting ramita:

Your DH should get a NEW lawyer. His lawyer isn't doing enough to fight his case! Also, hire a private detective to get evidence against BM. It.sounds to me your DH got screwed and his lawyer didn't care. Look into pro bono lawyers in your area and lawyers who do income based fees.



 


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pepper504
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:54 AM

Did the pediatrician notify the proper authorities with regards to the molestation allegations?  They are mandated to do so and that would have been more weight than your DH alleging same. 

BM totally screwed your DH over bigtime and the courts allowed her to do so.  Document when you all have SD.  Even when anyone in the family has her.  Just keep documenting everything.  Eventually, it can be used when the time is right.  Do not give up. 

I cannot even imagine the injustice that you feel with regards to this, but with it being child support office, its hard to get the justice that you want/need.  This has to be before the judge and get modified.  Also, they are not supposed to take more than 50% of his income either.  He has to live as well. 

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Wtf BM is on meth and the courts feel it's in the child's best interest to keep her w/a meth head. We're not talkin about just smokin pot here. Also maybe she wouldn't need public assistance if she didn't spend her money on drugs. Too bad your DH didn't file for custody when she left them w/him for a year but I think the best thing he can do now is take out a loan and get a different lawyer on the case.
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Panda113
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:08 AM
DH went through madness similar to this. He needs to fight the restraining order for sure. Our solution was about $20,000 spent on a lawyer. Make sure they specialize in family law. It sucks and we didn't have the cash at the time. DH took out some salary advances and we put a bunch on a credit card. It's all paid off but it still sucks.
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