This is my first time talking on one of these things, but I really need some advice. My husband has 3 children and i have 2......together we have 5. We have been married 2 years now and have just hit a really rough area. His 15 yo son is starting to manipulate his father and it is truly driving a wedge between us, we grow further and further apart each day. My husband is a very loving and caring man and couldn't hurt a fly in any way! With that being said, he is terrible at discipline. If the kids do something bad, he will talk to them softly and then feel terrible about it and take them out shopping. I on the other hand am Drill instructor mom! I believe in raising children to do chores around the house, teach them life lessons that will carry them through life, and I don't put up with any BS. If you did something wrong, you will have to pay the pipper. Action=Conciquence.
Well like i said his oldest 15 year old will do thing to drive us apart. He is a smart kid, and knows each of our weaknesses and strengths. Well last week, he was on his way out the back door with my 6 year old to jump on the trampoline. I told him no hard objects on the trampoline and to put them down. He said "Gawwwhhhhlll!!!". So off they went to jump. Well 5 min later i went to check on them, and he had given my daughter the hard plastic gun and he had the broom handle on the trampoline. The very thing I told him not to do, he did. Well I take the run away from my daughter and told her i told you "NO", she said but Nico said it was ok. I took his broom handle and said your father will hear about this. I had to walk away because I was sooooooooooo angry. I went into the kitchen 10 min later, where my husband and his son were. Nico tried to give me an excuse, and I told him NO excuses, you deliberately defied me, and you could have hurt yourself or Isabella. I didn't tell you NO to be mean, I told you NO because a security issue. Just who do you think you are to tell Bella that it was OK, when it wasn't? Of course there was no answer. Let me remind you that my husband talks to his kids softly, I spoke to him in a very stern voice (did not yell). His father then tells me that he didn't mean it, and that i was being too hard on him.
Anything these kids ask for, they get. I have decided to pull my child support out of "our" bank account because his kids were going on vacations with groups, getting all sorts of electronics, etc, etc. My children couldn't do anything because all the money was going to them. I have a seperate bank account for child support now so I can make sure my girls will finally get vacation this year, and I have been able to buy them clothes that they need. I work as well and make 3x as much as he does and that still goes into the Joint bank account. So the children are still able to do things but they will not be using child support meant for my two kids.
So last week Nico tells his father that he doesn't like going to our church (Baptist) and he no longer wants to go. My husband fills me in on this last night and said that he will not make the kids go to our church if they don't want to because they are catholic. I feel this is seperating the family, and that at times you have to tell your children NO, secondly we are trying to teach the children respect for other religions. This is not teaching them respect, we are teaching him that he gets his way no matter what. I support them being catholic even though I do not believe in it. When they are here on religious holidays I try to help them meet their goals in it.....ie:good friday, lent.
I feel the kids are pushing us apart and that my husband needs to learn that he is their father, not their friend. It is up to him, as the head of the house to guide the family especially to church. I am so frustrated, irritated, and fed up.