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It's Always Something

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:11 PM
  • 11 Replies
I really thought that after my MIL passed away, we were done taking in people. I've completed my second clinical rotation & nursing classes until summer semester. I have 3 tests remaining & really thought that I would really get in some quality studying time...

Wrong!! Apparently, we really need to consider a teeny tiny house to move to. My SD18, who apparently was sharing a man w/ her aunt & some other relative got put out of where she lived with her mom & 9 others.

She isn't in school, no job prospects, no HS diploma or GED. She thinks that she can become a funeral director or chiropractor WITHOUT a HS diploma or GED. I was floored as I listened to her plan. So, as it stands, she's just 400# stinking up my house.

I'm just out done bc when I tried to help the child, I was told to stay in my lane. I did. So, now she's in my house? Why did the lanes cross? Ugh!!! I was hoping that the dust will clear & she'll leave. We're 4 days in now. Not looking good.

I'm conflicted: I want to do what's necessary to get her up on her feet & of course out of my house. My other ME wants absolutely nothing to do with any of the bc I really need to graduate next year.

Any suggestions???
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kgsharber
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 8:31 PM
2 moms liked this

I would avoid the situation at all costs. Keep focused on yourself and let her self destruct on her own. 

400#?!?!

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 9:16 PM
1 mom liked this

Nope.  Id give her a week to find something else.  not your kid, not your problem.

ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:44 PM
2 moms liked this
I would lay down household and financial expectations to your DH in regards to your SD. Let him know if he wants to take care of HIS did that's fine, but it will not become your job. Lay down the law NOW before something actually goes down between you and her...

Hopefully nothing goes wrong, and she figures something out. Until then keep your distance with her. Good luck!
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Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:43 AM
1 mom liked this
Lay down some clear boundaries and refuse to allow this situation to interfere with your goals. But I would definitely allow DH to help her.
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macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 8:21 AM
1 mom liked this

This is obviously a troubled kid.  Hopefully your dh will do what he needs to do to get her on the right path.

Good luck!  Both with the sd and school!

blaquechinadoll
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:05 AM
I don't have a problem with him helping his child, but he has to make some parameters for her. I suggested that we all have a meeting of the minds bc she seems to want to be babied & I don't baby my 11 yo. So, in that regard there's gonna be friction. Her mom sits home all day & they watch the soaps together. I barely watch tv & I'm usually in my books, so a simple hello & small talk is all I have for her.

I enjoy CM & haven't been here in a while. I think that the ground rules should be set that includes goals, plan A & B. I believe the idea is that my son lives in a utopia while they live in squander. That some how he's privilidged and they want in on it. True, he is, but he earns his privileges. He has to make good grades, have good behavior, keep his space clean, and do his chores. When he has to be directed too much the prividges are lost.
She's been here 5 days now & wants someone to teach her to drive. No mention of school of job, but expecting to be catered to.
So, I agree that the laws should be laid down. After hearing the expectations & consequences behind them, she won't want to stay. I don't believe in visitors, parties, late nights or anything like that for a person whose not handling business. I know that there are going to be some changes, but I don't expect to be rearranging my life or accommodating heir as she expects.
Dh made the comment of helping her & he'll handle my son. I'm not interested in undoing 18 years of bad parenting & PAS. She's a problem within herself. My son is easy breezy.
So yesterday, it was "your dog tried to bite me cuz I was trying to get him out of your room". So I asked what else she did, she said nothing. My dog is too lazy to attack anyone unless she was coming into my room. He stays under me & won't let anyone hurt me. But he has to be provoked. So, I'm kinda suspicious that she thought she could go snooping in my room & my dog wasn't going for it. All I could say was, " you're welcomed to leave & go where there are no dogs. This is his home.
bottomline
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:51 PM

 Oh my goodness. First and foremost DH needs to inform this adult daughter what life's expectations are. It's simple, no college in this country accepts applicants with no HSD or GED. So "her plan" as she sees it will not happen without that piece of paper. She can have a job and work on her GED simultaneously, many people have done it. I would be informing her that those 2 items will be taken care of in 2 weeks or she will have to find other accommodations.  It may sound harsh but I have little time to devote to those who won't help themselves.  If she was special needs that would be a different story of course, but sounds like she has the lazy bug and there's only one way to get rid of that bug, RULES.  House rules, chores, hygiene, language, etc, etc, need to be established by you and DH and communicated to her by DH.  If she can't abide by these rules then she must know of a place that would better suit her? I won't address the weight issue because being heavy doesn't make you lazy automatically, but not being educated and expecting a college degree is something I would address this instant, and set a time limit as to accomplishing.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I would suggest that just you and DH sit down and go over what you expect out of this situation, then let DH inform SD. She's grown, and likely is not going to respond well to you laying down the law. I would also suggest that you find some positive way to go about things. Rather than making the rules with the knowledge that she is going to want to leave, try coming up with a game plan for how she can improve things. Like if she does A, B, C, she gets so and so privileges.  


Quoting blaquechinadoll:

I don't have a problem with him helping his child, but he has to make some parameters for her. I suggested that we all have a meeting of the minds bc she seems to want to be babied & I don't baby my 11 yo. So, in that regard there's gonna be friction. Her mom sits home all day & they watch the soaps together. I barely watch tv & I'm usually in my books, so a simple hello & small talk is all I have for her.

I enjoy CM & haven't been here in a while. I think that the ground rules should be set that includes goals, plan A & B. I believe the idea is that my son lives in a utopia while they live in squander. That some how he's privilidged and they want in on it. True, he is, but he earns his privileges. He has to make good grades, have good behavior, keep his space clean, and do his chores. When he has to be directed too much the prividges are lost.
She's been here 5 days now & wants someone to teach her to drive. No mention of school of job, but expecting to be catered to.
So, I agree that the laws should be laid down. After hearing the expectations & consequences behind them, she won't want to stay. I don't believe in visitors, parties, late nights or anything like that for a person whose not handling business. I know that there are going to be some changes, but I don't expect to be rearranging my life or accommodating heir as she expects.
Dh made the comment of helping her & he'll handle my son. I'm not interested in undoing 18 years of bad parenting & PAS. She's a problem within herself. My son is easy breezy.
So yesterday, it was "your dog tried to bite me cuz I was trying to get him out of your room". So I asked what else she did, she said nothing. My dog is too lazy to attack anyone unless she was coming into my room. He stays under me & won't let anyone hurt me. But he has to be provoked. So, I'm kinda suspicious that she thought she could go snooping in my room & my dog wasn't going for it. All I could say was, " you're welcomed to leave & go where there are no dogs. This is his home.


 

FoodIsLife
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:56 PM
1 mom liked this

find a nice library to spend all your time

blaquechinadoll
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:21 PM
These are all good suggestions. I really needed an outside-looking in set of opinions. I'm working on a list of things that I would expect to do if I were her, so that the rules won't seem too far out.

What about requiring a doctor's exam since she's sharing a bathroom with my son. Her odor bothers him bc it lingers. I'm not sure of why she has the odor. I can't put my finger on it. It's beyond sweat & musk. It's something else with a tinge of feces. I think maybe a doctor can test her & inform her. I don't think medical care was a priority even though dh pays dearly for good insurance. Any suggestions?
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