Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

She asked for it!

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:00 PM
  • 341 Replies
5 moms liked this

Its our weekend to have SD16.  We're excited, she's excited...afterall, she's been gone out of town for Cheerleading Nationals the last 2 weekends, so we've missed her!

BM decides to tell DH a line-up of things for us to do with SD this weekend, which of course, costs money and unravels the plans we already had.  Things like "take her to pick out a purity ring," and "take her to XYZ car lot, they have many cars in our budget," and "she has a hair appointment SUNDAY morning, be on time."  When he showed me the text, I called BM and told her that our weekend is already planned out, and that we need MORE than ZERO notice when she would "like" to schedule things on our time; a proper discussion needs to take place BEFORE plans are made.  And since I paid for her last hair appointment (barely 3wks ago), I do believe that this go-round belongs to her!

She asks to speak to DH, and I said "did you hear me?  We already have plans for this weekend and SD is excited about them all.  You are not able to put things on OUR to-do list without 1st talking to DH/us about it first."  Dead silence, so I said "do you understand how inconsiderate & balsy of you to do things like this?"  Ooh wee, then it was on!  She yelled "put DH on the phone, I don't have to talk to you.  He promised her a purity ring and seems like he's putting everything before her ring and its up to me to make sure her feelings aren't hurt."  I asked her if she even bothered to ask SD what she wanted, because the last time I checked (3 days ago), SD wanted a car over a ring!  "And yes we do need to talk because you have been inventing things out of the blue lately for DH/us to pay for.  What's up with that? Things of no importance or non-essentials (then I named 3 of them).  Any money that comes from DH, comes from me and I have a say-so on how its spent.  You're no stranger to this sweetheart.  Next weekend, you can take her to the salon and look at cars.  We are going XYZ this weekend."    THEN, I gave DH the phone. 

It wasn't as bad as it sounds, because I don't argue.  Well, that's a lie but anyway!  I mostly say what the hell I need to say and leave it at that. BM gives DH a bunch of attitude but is a docile sheep whenever I talk to her.  She sat there in total silence, like she always does, the whole time.  I wasn't mean, I was firm.  I was rational and gave factual accounts of why our weekends and our household will NEVER be subject to her approval.  Nobody can argue with facts, and that's why she sat there. 

A few known facts:  BM has been pissy ever since DH upgraded my ring recently.  SD took pictures of it, plastered it all over Instagram or wherever, family in other states have WOWED the ring and...BM cannot stand it!  I promise you, she has called with the most outrageous demands on DH's money its not even funny.  Even called my MiL!  I have a great relationship with my SD; I just deep conditioned her hair on Wednesday and trimmed the ends again.  Plus, as I mentioned, she just went to the salon 3wks ago!She's a happy camper!  Where this sudden "hair appointment" came from is beyond me!   And the car?  Well, that's one of things planned for this weekend.  She is going to WORK with DH on tomorrow so she can continue to EARN money for her "car account."  We're not just handing her the keys to a car, without her lifting a finger!  Again, she's excited about going to work with him; that's their QT alone.  We talked to her last night and she was like "do I have to pack my uniform or will I just be in the back, Daddy?"  We're also having a clothing & food drive on Sunday for the less fortunate and she's excited to make the posters and meet the people.  See, BM just needs to chill out and quit trying to pick-pocket my man!  Or else!

This was mainly a vent.  I think the rain has me all worked-up!  Lol!

 

 

by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:00 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:05 PM
While I personally wouldn't speak to my SS's BM, id it works for y'all then great. I hope she gets the message and as long as SD is happy then I say y'all are doing a great job on the planning!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:11 PM
9 moms liked this
You should have let your husband handle it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
WorkingOT
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:18 PM

I know.  Sometimes, I just let loose.  I usually let DH deal with her and he does an amazing job.  This time, I guess I was just fit-to-be-tied because of all the recent "episodes" regarding money demands.  If I named the ridiculous things she has asked for, y'all wouldn't even believe me.  In her defense, they've been asked for while she was drunk or drinking, but nevertheless! 

I typically take the high road and I think I did so this time too.  I just lost it, guys!  I never raised my voice, I was just blunt as hell.  And in actuality, BM & I have a pretty good rapport.  We correspond peacefully almost daily, if she can't reach DH or wants a "woman's touch" on something.  I would do nothing to jeopardize our "energy" but she, along with everyone else, will respect me.  DH is a part of me. 

Bad bad SM, huh?  LMAO!

packermomof2
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:56 PM
7 moms liked this

I'd have hung up on you and just called him back when I had a good chance of getting him.  You were pretty ballsy yourself thinking you had a right to do that.

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:07 PM
OP, I would have hung up on you too if you refused to let me talk to BD.


Quoting packermomof2:I'd have hung up on you and just called him back when I had a good chance of getting him.  You were pretty ballsy yourself thinking you had a right to do that.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
pepper504
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:16 PM
2 moms liked this

Personally, I would not have called much less spoken a peep to BM.  That is between DH and BM.  He made that his mess when he knocked her up and he gets to deal with that lovely mess for a lifetime, not me. 

I do understand the whole planning of things when it is the OP's time.  That is just not right, IMO.  I do not do that to my ex with regards to DD16.  I try to plan things when I have her and if I cannot, I get with him before I book ANYTHING on his time.  Common courtesy and some people just do not have that.  DH's ex is one of those people.  She missed out on the common courtesy/common sense classes, I suppose.

Ice-Angel
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:18 PM

You're right, BM should not be planning anything for SD on BD's time. That is not right, and I would be angry about that. 

But let me tell you how much more angry I would be if SM called me to handle something my EXHB should be handling and then asked me "did you hear me?" Right there is where the boxing bell would have been dinged.

WOW~thats all I can say to you...WOW 

WorkingOT
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I know, I know.  Let me have it, ladies lol! She's already texted us saying "I think we all should talk when SD isn't around b/c this morning was uncalled for and I apologize.  I have some clothes for the drive."

I myself would've been livid if the tables had been turned around.  HOWEVER, I would've never imposed on my EX's time with our kid, without discussing it first.  We never plan things on her time, and if a dentist appointment (just happened a couple of months ago) can only be filled on HER time, I'd call her, which is what I did.  I also explained to her the charges due on said appointment.  She didn't have it, so we covered it completely ($450).   

What ticked me off is the audacity of, yet again, giving DH "orders" as if he/we report to her.  They were never married, hell, SD has lived with DH for all-but-one-year of her life.  Long before me, he handled everything from pads, bras to ponytails and sports...because BM worked 3 jobs and just didn't have the maternal instinct.  SD asked  me to adopt her after knowing me for about 7 months.  She latched on to me like a cast would a broken leg, all because I spent time with her, I invested in her, I listened to her, I provided etc. 

So I get it.  I accept my SM paddle from you guys!  My behavior was less than classy BUT, ok there are NO buts. DH only got on the phone and said the SAME thing I had just told her, and if she had hung up and called back, she would've gotten me because I was using HIS phone, lmbo! 

OK I'm done, its over.  Happy Friday! 

ejsmom4604
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:50 PM

Well you already said you know you done did wrong, but I personally will not and do not ever deal with BM. Yes my DH will tell me about situations, get my opinion and how I would handle it, but ultimately he would have to put his foot down. And sometimes he won't even waste his breath and just do what was planned in the first place. Of course in our situation, BM has fled half way across the country and has little to no contact with SS, so eh. 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:58 PM

Why couldn't DH have told her those things?

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)