Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

If you're a CSM...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 58 Replies
Does BM pay child support?

When DH and I got custody of SD, DH did not request that BM be ordered to pay CS because at the time she was pregnant, not working, being evicted etc. he just wanted custody without a fight or drama.

We recently found out that she has been staying at casinos and enjoying 'the good life' ... DH and I can more than support SD, but it bothers DH that she doesn't help with SD and he's been considering asking the lawyer to petition for support from BM. I told him that if that's the decision he wants to make then it's one he needs to make himself and that I support whatever he decides to do. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about the potential for drama from BM but I do in my heart feel like if she can afford to do all these things then she can afford to at least help support SD. BUT that's for DH to decide if he wants to go down that path.

Have any of y'all been through this before? How did it turn out?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:22 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:32 AM
We gave BM a year to financially adjust. In that time, she contributed nothing to SD.

We were successful in getting support, however we probably paid five tines as much in legal fees. Then, BM was in an accident and filed to have it reduced - more legal fees. THEN, BM died from pneumonia. Two years old social security payments have almost paid off the legal fees.

All in all, not worth it. Especially not worth it when you factor on time and stress.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:53 AM

The original plans was that DH would not go after CS, because BM promised that she would be taking all of her visits and that she would help with anything SD needed.

About 6 weeks after the new CO was signed by a judge BM decided she was moving from 4 hours away to the same city as us, oh, but she couldn't take her EOWE visits with SD because she'd be living with a new boyfriend and his 2 kids in a 2 bedroom place and "there's no room for SD". DH asked BM twice for things that SD needed, and both times DH was ignored.

About 8 months after the CO changed the Department of Child Support caught up with their paperwork and realized that SD was getting medical benefits (it's secondary to our regular insurance to cover the high cost of co-pays for therapy and specialists). DCS sent DH paperwork requiring DH to establish CS for SD, so he filled out the paperwork and sent it out. BM claimed she works part time at $7 an hour (which is BS because minimum wage in our state is $9.19 and minimum wage in the state she's working in is $8.95 so it would be illegal for her to be making only $7 an hour. Anyways, DCS imputed her income at 40 hours a week at our state's minimum wage. CS has been set at $148 a month. DH has yet to see any payments and probably never will.

It didn't really create a lot of drama as it was kinda out of our hands.

If you can, it's better to go through the Department of Child Support Enforcement to establish and enforce CS. There's no cost to you and DH and BM are limited as to how often they can ask for a review. 

packermomof2
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:55 AM
How did you get custody?
leanntx
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:03 PM
We have custody of SS, but BM doesn't have any contact and doesn't pay CS at all.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I stay at casinos quite often, I live a good life (I have custody though) and the casinos are comped because I know people (lots of people) and I shop sales often.

If you have custody BM should be paing CS, that is part of her responsibility as a parent.  However, when speaking to the attormey do not take the position of "BM lives a good life."  Each party is entitled to live a good life.  Make it about being responsible for her child.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this

yes. In our sitch, BM pays CS.

We had to file for CS too. BM wasnt' happy (who would be?), but in the end, she was ordered to pay CS. Are you sure you even need a lawyer? we did it without a lawyer. It is pretty cut and dry.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this
isn't it just worth it to you to have SD?? If you can afford to not have CS, why rock the boat if SD is with you and is happy and in a stable environment? Giving up some $$$ for a drama free life seems entirely worth it to me.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:10 PM
No, I'm a CSM too and when DH got custody BM was fed up w/the kids and gave custody to him. He did not push the cs issue bc where we live courts usually side w/the mom and he did not want a fight bc he knew he would loose. So after about a yr or two we found ourselves struggling and looked into getting cs but he would of only gotten $50 a month and we decided that wasn't worth the drama or stress of him taking her back to court.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:15 PM
1 mom liked this
She chose her bf and drugs over SD at the time. We filed for emergency custody and when no changes were made and she was evicted for the second time we were granted custody. She quit when she got pregnant with baby#2, then went back on it and now she's pregnant with #3 and off it for now.

Quoting packermomof2:

How did you get custody?
tymama1022
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:29 PM

IF YOU GUYS ARE DOING OKAY AND HAVE BENE ALL THIS TIME I WOULDNT GO ASK FOR CS ESPEICALLY IF BM WILL KEEP UP DRAMA.  MY DH AND BM SHARE 5/50 JUST RECENTLY BM WENT BACK TO CS TO MODIFY IT BECAUSE BM CLAIMS SHE HAD ALL THESE JOBS AND ACTS LIKE SHE "GOT IT LIKE THAT"  MY DH FOUND OUT BM AS BEEN LYING AND BERELY MAKING ANY MONEY THAT EXPLAINS WHY SD DOESNT HAVE MUCH AT HER MOTHERS HOUSE.  SO WITH DH AND BM HAVING 50/50 DH STILL PAYS BM 300/MONTH AND IF HE WOULD OF KEPT GOING THREW WITH THE MODIFICATION THE JUDGE WOULD OF MADE DH PAY 390/MONTH TO BM EVEN THOUGH HE HAS SD %56 IN A WHOLE YEAR, HE HAS OTHER CHILDREN THAT LIVES WITH HIM. BM INCOME DID DROP A BIT. SO DH REQUEST TO STOP THE MODIFICAITON AND IT WAS APPROVED.  OUT HERE THEY GO BASED OF TAXES AND MY DH AN I DID FILE JOINTLY SO THEY COMBINED IT.  SO NEXT YEAR DH AND I WILL FILE SEPERATELY SO WHEN HE DOES GO BACK TO ASK FOR A MODIFICATION THEY WILL ONLY SEE WHAT HE MADE THE ENTIRE YEAR.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)