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MARRIAGE 1ST!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 59 Replies
6 moms liked this

Putting your marriage 1st often turns heads espcially in blended and stepfamilies as MY KIDS COME 1ST.  Also putting your marriage 1st is compeletely different than putting your marriage over your kids.

Example 1

Of course if baby needs shoes but parents want to take a weekend vacation to bond as husband and wife you will buy your baby shoes instead of a weekend vacation so your putting your babies needs over your marriage.

you have 15 year old david being disrespectful towards sf because ss dislike his sf because  he believes in rules and bm knows what ss did was disrespectful but  instead of standing behind her dh she takes her son side.  How long do you think sf will deal with that?  BM will be found left alone 3 years later and her son will move on with his life

THE REASONS WHY I FEEL THAT PUTTING YOUR MARR IAGE 1ST EQUAL OUT TO MORE HAPPY FAMILIES BECAUSE.....

 

For one you having 2 adults thats supportive of each other, have each others back, and stand strong the kids will follow.

secondly, when you have 2 parents thats both doing different things how can you expect your children to learn morals, respect and responsibilities.

 

Last reason is being in a unhappy relationship for what ever reason kids look at it as if my parents cant even get it together why should I. Kids do what they see not hear.

 

My dh and i try our best to keep our marriage up and moving smoothly for our families sake.  We do things together we stand together so we can set by example.  Even though I have no bio daughters I do have a sd and I do not do anything that I wouldnt want my lil daughter doing at a certain age.  Goes for my dh with our children.  I really believe that my dh and I have been standing so strong together and being very supporting and working together on everything that is why bm have not been success on trying to ruin my dh and my sd relationship and my sd relationship as a family with us.  My sd sees this as well how where one strong family unit regardless if its not both bio parents.  My sd respects me and listens to me very well and im glad for that we started our united front while she was at a young age and now that she is 13 and her mother feeds her with negativity she see that it isnt true because her father,myself or her siblings treat her any different.  she does understand that our life still goes on when she is with her mom but we do still love and think about her.

 

 

 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:54 PM
3 moms liked this

I love my husband and we have a great marriage. But we both know, our kids come first. We both put all the kids first, even the other spouse's. Together, as a couple, we put our kids first and make sacrifices for them. If we have plans for a date night but someone has a project due and needs help? Date night gets cancelled. We want to go out but we have a dance recital? We go to the dance recital. Our lives revolve around our kids. All of them (his and mine).

So, whatever works for you.


kss12
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:55 PM
5 moms liked this

It absolutely turns heads. Yeah, kids come first as far as attention sometimes and you need to tend to your kids more than you have to tend to your partner.. but a strong relationship is the foundation of the functionality of a strong family. If the parents aren't happy the kids read off that vibe and aren't happy themselves. DH and I always stand together. Honestly, even if I don't agree with him right away I take his side infront of my SS then talk to DH privately about the matter. When our DS is older we will do the same with him. We back each other up 100%, no matter what. That's an amazing foundation to have, blended family or not!

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:59 PM

This is our approach as well. We've spent the last 11+ years this way and obviously it's worked out well for us. We're very happily married and all 4 of the kiddos are happy and well adjusted.

I just figure, in 13 years when our youngest is 18 and making her way out into the world, DH and I will be able to focus on us. right now, the focus is the kids. Their needs come first, and there's nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for them, SD included. 


Quoting whatIknownow:

I love my husband and we have a great marriage. But we both know, our kids come first. We both put all the kids first, even the other spouse's. Together, as a couple, we put our kids first and make sacrifices for them. If we have plans for a date night but someone has a project due and needs help? Date night gets cancelled. We want to go out but we have a dance recital? We go to the dance recital. Our lives revolve around our kids. All of them (his and mine).

So, whatever works for you.




whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 4:10 PM

10.5 years for us! 2 of the 4 chicks have left the nest (well, partially, they're in college, one about to graduate in a month), one chick about to fly off to college, leaving only one chick at home. All the teamwork of us raising our kids together (and putting their needs above our own) has made us very strong as a couple.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

This is our approach as well. We've spent the last 11+ years this way and obviously it's worked out well for us. We're very happily married and all 4 of the kiddos are happy and well adjusted.

I just figure, in 13 years when our youngest is 18 and making her way out into the world, DH and I will be able to focus on us. right now, the focus is the kids. Their needs come first, and there's nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for them, SD included. 


Quoting whatIknownow:

I love my husband and we have a great marriage. But we both know, our kids come first. We both put all the kids first, even the other spouse's. Together, as a couple, we put our kids first and make sacrifices for them. If we have plans for a date night but someone has a project due and needs help? Date night gets cancelled. We want to go out but we have a dance recital? We go to the dance recital. Our lives revolve around our kids. All of them (his and mine).

So, whatever works for you.






packermomof2
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 4:45 PM

If only people would do that before a divorce... 

Marriage first is for those who marry before there are children.  You get to know your spouse, fall in love, then have kids.  

When you have kids, divorce, and remarry your marriage is important, but there is a balancing act that comes into play that doesn't come into play with a first marriage.  Kids are used to their parents being the primary relationship when the parents are still together.  And both parents together work on raising the kids, when the marriage comes first, etc.  When that split happens kids shouldn't be relegated to the back burner because new girl wants to pretend she isn't coming into the kids lives/situations.  

I have a happy marriage, a good one but I do not put it first 100% of the time.  My kids and my husband are both equally important and all will come first at one point or another.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 5:42 PM

Great post. I agree with you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 5:42 PM

of course you do those things.......IM SPEAKING ABOUT RUNNING A HOME, SETTING GOOD EXAMPLES for the children ETc.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I love my husband and we have a great marriage. But we both know, our kids come first. We both put all the kids first, even the other spouse's. Together, as a couple, we put our kids first and make sacrifices for them. If we have plans for a date night but someone has a project due and needs help? Date night gets cancelled. We want to go out but we have a dance recital? We go to the dance recital. Our lives revolve around our kids. All of them (his and mine).

So, whatever works for you.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 5:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Of course a childs needs is more important than anything!!!.  I'm speaking in General in a house hold rather if its a blended family, 2nd marriage etc.  I am a firm believer that when 2 parents(steporbio) Can show stablility, support and respect for one another kids tend to do what they see majority of the time.  If you have two couple that are party animials no self respect most likely kids will grow up doing what they were exposed to all their life  Or if its  1 adult doing what ever they want not setting good examples than your child is being exposed to it.

Quoting packermomof2:

If only people would do that before a divorce... 

Marriage first is for those who marry before there are children.  You get to know your spouse, fall in love, then have kids.  

When you have kids, divorce, and remarry your marriage is important, but there is a balancing act that comes into play that doesn't come into play with a first marriage.  Kids are used to their parents being the primary relationship when the parents are still together.  And both parents together work on raising the kids, when the marriage comes first, etc.  When that split happens kids shouldn't be relegated to the back burner because new girl wants to pretend she isn't coming into the kids lives/situations.  

I have a happy marriage, a good one but I do not put it first 100% of the time.  My kids and my husband are both equally important and all will come first at one point or another.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this


what does RUNNING A HOME have to do with putting your marriage first? Do you think if you type in capital letters it makes more sense?

I just don't agree with you. Some people think their marriage comes first and some people think their kids come first. I'm with the latter. Can't we just have different opinions without screaming, miss anonymous-too-afraid-to-even-post-from-your-already-anonymous-screenname??

Quoting Anonymous:

of course you do those things.......IM SPEAKING ABOUT RUNNING A HOME, SETTING GOOD EXAMPLES for the children ETc.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I love my husband and we have a great marriage. But we both know, our kids come first. We both put all the kids first, even the other spouse's. Together, as a couple, we put our kids first and make sacrifices for them. If we have plans for a date night but someone has a project due and needs help? Date night gets cancelled. We want to go out but we have a dance recital? We go to the dance recital. Our lives revolve around our kids. All of them (his and mine).

So, whatever works for you.





whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 6:14 PM
1 mom liked this


I agree. I bet if a lot of these people had really put their marriage first, they would not be in these stepfamilies to begin with.

I'm divorced because my Ex put himself first. Himself, and his myriad affairs. Not our marriage, and not the kids. Just himself.

I like our current  revolves-around-kids life that my DH and I have.

Quoting packermomof2:

If only people would do that before a divorce... 

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