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Frustrated with SD!

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:43 AM
  • 15 Replies

I have to vent about this because I feel like a heel when I do it to DH.  My SD is 16 and of course thinks she's an adult and can do whatever she wants.  I get that.  However, she actually DOES whatever she wants and will stay gone all weekend staying with friends!  We tell her to come home and she doesn't.  She doesn't respond when we try to find out where she is to go get her and when she comes home late Sunday night wants to tell us what a great weekend she had.  I don't want to hear it! 

Last night she came home at 8pm after being gone all weekend, asked about my weekend, wanted to show me things that her friend's mom bought  her and then proceeded to tell me she "needed a weekend away for some reason" and walked off after apologizing for being gone all weekend.

This is the same child that wants to go into the MARINES!  Really? I am new to this whole SM thing and am coming into her life later so I really don't feel I have the right to really tell her to do too much which is frustrating because her dad feels guilty for a lot of reasons (won't go into it because it's just too long).

Is it terrible that I'm just waiting for her to graduate high school and go into the marines?  I do love her but good grief!!!

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Youre better at it than I was. When dhs kids starting acting like they were grown and didnt wanna listen I booked it. They made mine and my kids life pure hell. Im sorry I have no advice for you. Hang in there, maybe the marines will help her. :-)
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:33 AM
4 moms liked this

She is not the problem.  Your dh is.

peterann68
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this

Her being disciplined is entirely up to your husband.  I assume that she has a car?  If she does have a car, the keys need to be taken away and her grounded. What she is doing is entirely unacceptable and she is ruling the house.  I have been a similar situation with a teenage stepdaughter. I found it was better to keep my mouth shut because as soon as I would say something, it would all come back on me. After several arguments I decided it was just not worth saying anything at all. So she will be gone soon and just try to ignore the best that you can.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:19 AM

I keep hearing that people refer to kids  at 16 & 17 being adults.  I dont agree.  I think until they are 18 they are not adults.  If they live in my house they follow my rules.    My SD who just wanted to be a doctor (just turned 17)  just went back to her BMs because BM thinks she is a adult also and agreed to let her live with her boyfriend.    That age still needs parents to encourage them and plan for a future and try to keep them from following the wrong path.  

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:44 AM
2 moms liked this

 Why is your DH not calling the cops to help them find this runaway daughter when she goes missing? 

Your DH is condoning this behavior simply by doing nothing to really control it.  If he's not worried, then you don't need to be worried. 

sutherngrl94
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:49 AM

I completely agree that she needs discipline and boundaries.  She's not my birth child so I can't say anything (although I do sometimes anyway).  I do not let her run all over me, however.  If she was any younger I don't know that I would be able to handle this without saying something.  I try to be her friend and a support to her but sometimes I know that she's lying to me and that's when I cut off the conversation.  I think DH and I will have a little chat tonight because while she is almost out of high school she does still live under our roof.  My parents would NEVER have let me get away with this stuff.  grrrr

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:55 PM
Hi,

I have a step son 17 years, his father and I have very different patenting ideas. I came into his life when he was 10 so have had no input into his make up. He is away at boarding school and when returns home does nothing other than sleep till 3pm play on his Xbox watch tv and eat!! He does very little study. In the past I have expressed my concerns for his well being and future but failed miserably to be heard!! So where I am today is detached with love. I don't get involved, I leave it all to my husband and accepted that any consequences ( poor grades etc...) are my ss own choices. It works for me. Less arguments, less stress and accepting that you are not responsible for this step child. If the birth parents decision is such then let it be. I am here if he wants to talk etc...but ultimately he only listens to his father so I leave them to it. NOT BEING HARSH just got sick of getting hurt everytime I got involved.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 5:59 PM
Oh forgot to say he wants to join the army and being honest the best thing for him, feel ashamed to say it but will be glad when he finally realizes what hard work is.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like your husband is a very permissive parent who lets his daughter run amok.


sutherngrl94
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 7:43 AM
I am honestly going to have to do the same thing you have done. It's just frustrating because she lives at home. The marines will be the best thing for her I think. She's going into the military because she wants to be like someone else. It will be a rude awakening.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh forgot to say he wants to join the army and being honest the best thing for him, feel ashamed to say it but will be glad when he finally realizes what hard work is.

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