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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I don't even know what to think!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

Exdh and I have been split up for about 3 1/2 years. Our DD is almost 5. Exdh has always had issues with sticking to custody agreements. Neither of us get CS, we have 50/50 legally. So anyway, April 18th I get a facebook message from someone I don't know. I checked her facebook page before I read the message--she's in recovery as a part of AlAnon and NarcAnon (Alcoholics and Narcotics anonymous) since April 16th (so...two days?!), a recovering "sexxx trafficking survivor" and "I drift in between this world and the next, sometimes dreaming of the day I can take my life and forget about all this mess I've created", etc. I copied and pasted those from her page. The message said:

"Hi there i'm dating (ex) and im (dd's) new stepmom so hi"

I was like...what the fuck?! I don't care if he dates...whatever, more power to him. But, this chick I don't know who, according to fb, started dating exdh on the 18th now thinks she is my child's stepmom? No. Not just no, but hell no. 

So, fast forward. Exdh works at Starbucks and works 40 hours a week or less. He got this whole last weekend off. It was dd's first tball game and he was supposed to come  pick her up and spend the weekend with her (his timesharing is weekends). He never showed. Sunday night, I held my dd as she cried until she almost vomited because she couldn't see her dad. She was really, really upset. She asked if it was because she was bad or wouldn't eat her dinner...was that why daddy didn't love her and want to see her? I just told her he was busy and he would try again soon :/.

Today, he sends me a message on facebook and says he has a girlfriend now. I said fine...you have my phone number, we aren't in highschool, calll me...wtf? He said he can't she's asleep O.O okay...

And, he texts me today and says "btw i forgot to tell you (girlfriend) and i are going to fly out to cali for the week" We might be back for (dd's) birthday". Her birthday is May 6th. This is the man who asked me for $4 for a gallon of milk last week when he took DD so I could go to the doctor! WTF!!!!

So, is this normal? What would you do? I've already contacted my attorney and we're going to amend timesharing and enact child support. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 10:38 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 10:55 AM

Just try stay civil with him for sake of your little girl. Hopefully that realationship won't last! Sorry that sucks! Girlfriend doesn't mean stepmom...oh my oh my...

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:02 AM

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:07 AM

He hasn't been very consistent at all. Even when we were married and living together, he would literally go to the bathroom for HOURS at a time to avoid us. He lived with his mom after we split, and many times his mom called and asked me to come get DD because exmil is 68 and very sick, and can't take care of a baby alone. So, even when I'm not around, he pawns dd off on others. It's pretty pathetic. 

Now, he MAYBE takes her for an afternoon if he can "make time" he says.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 



DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this

 Ok, yep, time to get the order to reflect reality more closely.  You need to be able to provide a more stable environment for your DD.  I'd add in an ROFR clause too, because if he's making bad SO decisions, you don't want him leaving your DD with one of them.   

Quoting Anonymous:

He hasn't been very consistent at all. Even when we were married and living together, he would literally go to the bathroom for HOURS at a time to avoid us. He lived with his mom after we split, and many times his mom called and asked me to come get DD because exmil is 68 and very sick, and can't take care of a baby alone. So, even when I'm not around, he pawns dd off on others. It's pretty pathetic. 

Now, he MAYBE takes her for an afternoon if he can "make time" he says.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 

 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:15 AM

rofr?

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Ok, yep, time to get the order to reflect reality more closely.  You need to be able to provide a more stable environment for your DD.  I'd add in an ROFR clause too, because if he's making bad SO decisions, you don't want him leaving your DD with one of them.   

Quoting Anonymous:

He hasn't been very consistent at all. Even when we were married and living together, he would literally go to the bathroom for HOURS at a time to avoid us. He lived with his mom after we split, and many times his mom called and asked me to come get DD because exmil is 68 and very sick, and can't take care of a baby alone. So, even when I'm not around, he pawns dd off on others. It's pretty pathetic. 

Now, he MAYBE takes her for an afternoon if he can "make time" he says.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 



 



amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:16 AM
Hopefully this relationship will fizzle out... Uthen I'd ask him to get his 2 livesl separate for now.
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DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:34 AM

 Right of First Refusal - basically says that when the child needs a babysitter, the other parent is given the option of taking the time instead of a sitter. 

Quoting Anonymous:

rofr?

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Ok, yep, time to get the order to reflect reality more closely.  You need to be able to provide a more stable environment for your DD.  I'd add in an ROFR clause too, because if he's making bad SO decisions, you don't want him leaving your DD with one of them.   

Quoting Anonymous:

He hasn't been very consistent at all. Even when we were married and living together, he would literally go to the bathroom for HOURS at a time to avoid us. He lived with his mom after we split, and many times his mom called and asked me to come get DD because exmil is 68 and very sick, and can't take care of a baby alone. So, even when I'm not around, he pawns dd off on others. It's pretty pathetic. 

Now, he MAYBE takes her for an afternoon if he can "make time" he says.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:10 PM

Do you have this all documented?  Would you MIL be willing to provide a statement that she is the one providing care on his time?

You've already done what I would have suggested (contacted attorney for modification of possession order).  I would probably attempt to get the visitation worked out before filing for CS, if that's possible.  It doesn't make sense with the history you've given that he would fight a custody change, but when money is involved, people that otherwise couldn't care less about custody will sometimes put up a fight to avoid payment. 

Good luck! 

Quoting Anonymous:

He hasn't been very consistent at all. Even when we were married and living together, he would literally go to the bathroom for HOURS at a time to avoid us. He lived with his mom after we split, and many times his mom called and asked me to come get DD because exmil is 68 and very sick, and can't take care of a baby alone. So, even when I'm not around, he pawns dd off on others. It's pretty pathetic. 

Now, he MAYBE takes her for an afternoon if he can "make time" he says.

Quoting DDDaysh:

 I wish I could say that sounded totally crazy and unheard of to me.  Sadly..  it doesn't. 

How consistent has he been in DD's life up to now? 

 

 


 

lnr187
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:41 PM
1 mom liked this

 i agree with the previous poster... i modify the custody order and THEN go for cs. now that he has a gf, he might start taking his time to avoid paying cs. i'l take screen shots of her fb if you can... she is clearly unstable and that could be beneficial in court.

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