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How can I not stand my own son? PIOG

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:53 AM
  • 10 Replies

 

 I don't know where to start.  This may just be a complaining/venting post but I would love to get any helpful suggestions or BTDT replies.

When DS was a toddler and small boy, he was such a joy.  So curious, smart, polite, sweet.  He amazed me every day with his endless questions and enthuiasm to learn about things. 

Now he is 12 and I can hardly stand to spend an hour with him!  Its driving me crazy and I feel like a terrible mom but anything I try does not work.

His grades are OK, not great but OK.  He doesn't want to do ANYTHING except to stay in his room on the computer or read his kindle (he loves to read, always has).  In school he does not eat lunch with other kids, he sits by himself and reads his kindle or goes to the library.  At home, I can't get him to play or get any excercise.  If I do get him out of the house for a 1/2 hour bike ride, he rides for 10 minutes and runs back inside.  On weekends he sleeps in until noon or later if I don't wake him.  I can't get him to do any activities and I have tried and tried.  He either quits or sits out on the side.

During Sunday school (which I force him to go) half the time he falls asleep.  He won't play with the other kids or even socialize. 

If I try to spend time with him, even just by sitting in his room or sitting with him at a meal, he only wants to talk about videos he saw (that are mainly sci-fi and really strange) or wants me to watch vidoes he liked, or watch video games he played (which last a long time) or tell me about book he's read.  I don't mind this, but there is little I can add to this other than 'that's interesting, that's facinating, wow, etc.'.  There is no way to have a follow on conversation.

I took him to see the movie '42' this weekend and he was really mad at all the racism in the movie and wanted to talk to me about it and why he didn't like the movie during the movie.  I told him I was watching the movie he would have to wait until after and we'd discuss.  He then fell asleep for the rest of the movie because he didn't like it.

I don't know what to do with him other than to let him be in his room by himself.  But this really bothers me--as a parent, I feel like I'm supposed to make sure he plays with friends or does activites or does things.  But I'm just always fighting him.

BTW, he is rude to other people now.  He used to be so sweet!  I feel like I don't want him to interact with people who come over to our house because he'll be rude.  We also went to his school's play this weekend and he complained to me the whole time that he had to watch it and wanted to, instead, take a nap.  I told him 'no' because his stepsister was in the play and didn't want to hurt her feelings.  So the whole time I'm telling him to pick up his head and open his eyes!

Right now, I am not enjoying being my DS's mom a whole lot.

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 11:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
femmefoyer
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Maybe he's depressed, or has some social anxiety or something?  It sounds like he's socially isolated and may be feeling alienated.  I'd hate to jump to the absolute worst idea, but I just read an article last night that talked about not seeing signs of depression and social isolation that can lead to suicide or worse. It's better to be safe than sorry though, so I would try to talk to someone either at school, a developmental psychologist, your even your pediatrician. Does he have a hard time connecting w/ other kids? Does he have interest in connecting with other kids? FWIW, I have a masters in clinical psych, so I'm not toottaly talking about of my butt. :)

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:08 PM

Has he always been like this or is it recent?  You should embrace the child you have, not the one you want.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:11 PM
It sounds like you spend a lot of energy trying to make him someone he isn't. So he is a quiet kid who likes to read and is a bit of a loner m, that's okay not everyone is the life of the party. When he tried to talk to you you shut him out think about that. What's more important the movie or the opening for a conversation with your child?
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OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:30 PM

 Yes, I should have mentioned.  He does have anxiety and I have him seeing a psych who prescribed Prozac last year. It has helped some.  Only some.  We go back to the psych every 3 months and the dosage or prescription has not changed.

I've been thinking about starting him in therapy again but its hard because of the timing when the therapist is available and I work fulltime.  Also DS is adament that he doesn't want therapy again.  So, that would be another battle.

Quoting femmefoyer:

Maybe he's depressed, or has some social anxiety or something?  It sounds like he's socially isolated and may be feeling alienated.  I'd hate to jump to the absolute worst idea, but I just read an article last night that talked about not seeing signs of depression and social isolation that can lead to suicide or worse. It's better to be safe than sorry though, so I would try to talk to someone either at school, a developmental psychologist, your even your pediatrician. Does he have a hard time connecting w/ other kids? Does he have interest in connecting with other kids? FWIW, I have a masters in clinical psych, so I'm not toottaly talking about of my butt. :)

 

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 12:34 PM

 This has been for the past few years, but he has exhibited these behaviors somewhat his whole life.

Yes, I agree, I would love to embrace the child he is but I don't know how to do that.  If I just let him be in his room he'll be there all the time.  I have to force him to come down and eat dinner.  And I don't think its healthy to be inside all the time.  There are days that I do just let him do whatever and I won't see him at all.

Quoting WifeyC:

Has he always been like this or is it recent?  You should embrace the child you have, not the one you want.

 

femmefoyer
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 2:56 PM

I hear you on the therapy problem. I think my SS would benefit from it too, but I don't think he is willing (he went before and then didn't want to continue). Maybe you can talk to someone to work with him more behaviorally, like putting together a reward system for time outside of his room, doing more active stuff.  Take what you know he loves/loves to do and use that as a reward. 

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Has he been checked for asperghers? My cousin has it and a lot of his symptoms sound very similar.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 6:26 PM
Yes, I should get him checked. He may have aspbergers and maybe there is a different way to deal with him??

Quoting Rae706:

Has he been checked for asperghers? My cousin has it and a lot of his symptoms sound very similar.

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femmefoyer
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:44 PM

Yeah, that's kinda what I was wondering as well. The wanting to talk about the movie in the middle of the movie thing struck me as pretty socially awkward/not understanding social norms.

Rae706
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 10:16 PM
At least you would know where to start.


Quoting OvrMyHead:

Yes, I should get him checked. He may have aspbergers and maybe there is a different way to deal with him??



Quoting Rae706:

Has he been checked for asperghers? My cousin has it and a lot of his symptoms sound very similar.


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