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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

WTH do you do??

Posted by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM
  • 37 Replies

My Skids live with DH & I. So, I'm the "day to day" Mom. I cook for them, get them to school, shop for them/with them. Make sure they have what they need for school or sports or whatever. You know, normal Mom type stuff. I enjoy doing these things. They're my family.

What I'm having a hard time with is when to step back... For example... SS is a Senior in HS this year. He plays baseball. They have what's called "Senior Night", where the parents go out on the field when the Senior players are announced. BM (who lives about 2 hours away) is coming in for this. I'm glad she can be there! We have a great relationship, so there's no jealousy or anything like that. What I'm struggling with is knowing that I have to step back & let BM & DH go out there with SS, even though I'm the "Mom" type person in my SS's life every day. It's the little things like that that I'm having a hard time stepping away from. It's kind of like, "But, I'm here every day for them. Why do I have to stand in the shadows?" I don't begrudge BM ANY of these things. She's a great person & a great Mom, & she should certainly be involved in all of these things. But, how do I stop feeling like I want to be involved too, when I know it's not my place? I just don't know how to be a part-time SM, I guess.

Any suggestions?

by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 Does BM not want you out there with them? 

My cousin has a step-son that's my son's age.  For things like the boy's first communion, the kid had both bios and both steps coming up with him.  The world didn't end.  I've seen that in a few other places too. 

I can see stepping back if it'll cause drama with BM, but if not, why not have all 3 of you out there? 

BethBritton
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:46 PM

 I don't think BM would mind, but is it my place to ask if I can go? I just wish there was a handbook for this stuff!!! HAHA


Quoting DDDaysh:

 Does BM not want you out there with them? 

My cousin has a step-son that's my son's age.  For things like the boy's first communion, the kid had both bios and both steps coming up with him.  The world didn't end.  I've seen that in a few other places too. 

I can see stepping back if it'll cause drama with BM, but if not, why not have all 3 of you out there? 


 

TobeyMomma4
by Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:46 PM
Stepparents are usually invited to walk out too at my kids schools. I would ask what your ss wants.
As a BM whose ex is absent I wouldn't put up with them showing up and expecting to walk out, but if they were involved and had helped at all in the raising of my kids I would have no problem with it. My husband will definitely be there!
DDDaysh
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:48 PM

 Do any of his friends have step-parents? 

Are you sure he's not just expecting that you'll be there too? 

Maybe you could ask the coach what is normal in this situation at your school. 

Quoting BethBritton:

 I don't think BM would mind, but is it my place to ask if I can go? I just wish there was a handbook for this stuff!!! HAHA

 

Quoting DDDaysh:

 Does BM not want you out there with them? 

My cousin has a step-son that's my son's age.  For things like the boy's first communion, the kid had both bios and both steps coming up with him.  The world didn't end.  I've seen that in a few other places too. 

I can see stepping back if it'll cause drama with BM, but if not, why not have all 3 of you out there? 

 

 

 

BethBritton
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:50 PM
2 moms liked this

 SS sees BM & SD every couple of months, & for most of the summer, so they're involved. They are struggling financially right now, so they're not as financially involved, but that isn't even an issue with DH & I. We know that they'll do what they can, when they can. We can support my Skids, so money isn't anything we expect from them. They're good parents.

I just feel like of like a 3rd wheel sometimes, I guess. I came into this thinking, "Oh, this'll be easy. I'll just love them & treat them like they're mine." Wrong. Not that easy. I mean, loving them is easy. Stepping back & not being Mom, not so easy.


Quoting TobeyMomma4:

Stepparents are usually invited to walk out too at my kids schools. I would ask what your ss wants.
As a BM whose ex is absent I wouldn't put up with them showing up and expecting to walk out, but if they were involved and had helped at all in the raising of my kids I would have no problem with it. My husband will definitely be there!


 

BethBritton
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:53 PM

SS asked me 'If Mom can't come to Senior night, will you be my honorary Mom?" But, since BM is going to be able to be there, nothing more has been said about me being there too. I know this may sound really petty to some, & maybe it is. This whole "raising someone else's kids" thing is a lot trickier than I ever thought!! :D

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:54 PM
Is there a reason you must step back? Can you not join in? My stepdad did all of these things. But my dad wasn't around so there were no toes to step on. Can you all three show support on the field? In these situations I side with the SM. because she is doing all of the stuff. I won't call it mom stuff but you are doing parent stuff and you have been a huge part of his life. If mom doesn't mind, why can't you join in?
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MilkLover0203
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:55 PM
I'd be standing right there next to DH, BM, and SS. You're proud of him just like they are I'm sure. Just ask BM if she wouldn't mind. You should be included in things like that.
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BethBritton
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:56 PM

 I guess this is where I feel so lost. I just don't know what's OK to join in, & what I need to step out of.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Is there a reason you must step back? Can you not join in? My stepdad did all of these things. But my dad wasn't around so there were no toes to step on. Can you all three show support on the field? In these situations I side with the SM. because she is doing all of the stuff. I won't call it mom stuff but you are doing parent stuff and you have been a huge part of his life. If mom doesn't mind, why can't you join in?


 

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 4:59 PM

 From what I understand....they only allow up to two parents out on the field or lets face it, there would be five or more going up and walking with their senior. How long have you been the CSM?

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