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Stepdaughter Ruling The Roost???

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:14 AM
  • 54 Replies

My stepdaughter is 15 and is currently giving me all kinds of hell at home.  I get so frustrated and have to really bite my lip on a daily basis.  She is so negative the whole time and it creates such a bad atmosphere in the house.

She has previously told me that I am taking her dad away from her, and things were much better before I came into the picture.  She has said so many mean, ugly and hurtful things to me, and I feel so trapped in the house.  I don't want to tell my fiance about all these things, because that would just create another atmosphere in the house.

So, last week she told her dad that she wants nothing to do with me (even though I do everything in the house: cooking, cleaning, taking them to school, etc.).  He gave her what she wanted, and told me that I should leave her alone completely - I shouldn't ask her for anything, and she is to do the same.

After he left to take her to school, I went looking for one of my hair clips in her room, and found a notepad on her bed where she had written so many awful things.  She is making a point of it to write down something negative and ugly every single day.  Even things that are done with care and with no negative intention are turned around to make it appear as if I am doing everything to influence her day-to-day life in a negative way.  I haven't confronted her about it, nor have I told her dad about it. 

I have been sneeking into her room every morning, and she is literally thinking out stuff to write in there!  Her family doesn't help either - they all think that she is the innocent little girl who was given a rough live.  She wrote in her book that she hates her life, and that I am the cause of all her unhappiness.  Even something simple as asking her politely to please turn down her music or alternatively close her door was turned around to sound like she is allowed to do nothing in the house.  Do I confront her or tell her dad about the book, or do I just let it be and carry on in our very unhappy home?

by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero2
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:22 AM
1 mom liked this

Has it occured to you that she is leaving the book where you can find it so you actually read it?

stepmom007
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:25 AM

The thought actually dawned on me yesterday.  She is just so frustrating at times and I honestly don't know what to do anymore.  I love my fiance very much, but have actually come to the point where I just want to throw in the towel and tell her that she has won.

Peggysueplus2
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 5:44 AM
I wouldn't tell my husband I read her diary. It sounds like a diary and those are private things.
stepmom007
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 6:25 AM

I understand that what she writes is private, but she has a tendency to tell her grandfather EVERYTHING that goes on in the house.  I know that she had a rough childhood and she needs someone to confide in - but she makes up her own stories about everything that happens.  A stupid example: our geyser is broken at the moment, and last night I had to boil water on the stove in order for everyone to have a hot bath.  I boiled a few pots in the main bathroom for myself and then hot water in the kids' bathroom for her.  I did not boil enough water to her liking, and what she wrote in her writing pad (not a diary) is that I am such an ugly person and gave her cold water to bathe in (even though I ran back and forth to her bathroom with more hot water than for myself).  I guess my thinking was that I needed to know what lies she was writing down so that I could make mental notes for myself about what actually happened.  She is so obsessed about writing something bad about me every day, that when she had nothing to write on Monday evening, she just wrote that she thinks that I cut her hair while she was sleeping because she had a bad hair day?  I mean, really - I have much better things to do than play tricks on her, and in my wildest dreams I would never even think about cutting her hair while she sleeps?!  I just want to yell at her "GROW UP".  Uhg!

AMBG825
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 6:29 AM
3 moms liked this

 Then do as DH said. Don't do a damn thing for her. That includes locking up your hair things that apparently she likes to use.

 

If it were me, I'd make a big day with my bio kids to go bowling or something and leave her spoiled ass at home. And I'd do it every week.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 7:08 AM
This is unfortunate, I am sorry you are in the situation. Your SD is clearly an unhappy little girl and her Dad lacks the skills to properly attend to her, this isn't for you to fix but ignore her and in situations where you can't, handle it like an adult, be dignified and put the child in her place.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 7:24 AM
1 mom liked this

You've been sneaking into her room? That is very creepy. Do you think maybe your own behavior is the reason she hates you?

I would consider the things she has written, which is your insight into why she hates you, and make some changes.

BioNerd
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:04 AM

 This.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

This is unfortunate, I am sorry you are in the situation. Your SD is clearly an unhappy little girl and her Dad lacks the skills to properly attend to her, this isn't for you to fix but ignore her and in situations where you can't, handle it like an adult, be dignified and put the child in her place.

 

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM

 

I believe the childs bedroom is in the OP's house......nothing creepy about entering a bedroom in your own house. The OP also said the child is making up things such as the OP cut her hair in the middle of the night, which never happened. smh. Let's point some fingers at the parent, the Dad who just refuses to handle his childs bad behavior. He's obviously clueless on how to handle his teenage daughter. The daughter is hurting, her parents split up, he moved in with another woman, their not married and the daughter is having a very hard time of it. What does Dad do? He just suggests that the two females have nothing to do with each other, under the same roof, while he's not home. That's not going to work Dad!

Quoting whatIknownow:

You've been sneaking into her room? That is very creepy. Do you think maybe your own behavior is the reason she hates you?

I would consider the things she has written, which is your insight into why she hates you, and make some changes.


 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 9:29 AM

She "sneaks in" to her room every morning. That is totally creepy. In any case, it is clear the OP does not respect this girl, and so it is easy to see why she doesnt' like her.

If she wants to improve her relationship with this girl, she needs to start by examining her own behavior.

What the dad has done to fix the situation is he has told his girlfriend to stay away from his daughter. She should comply with that request.


Quoting Frustrated10:


I believe the childs bedroom is in the OP's house......nothing creepy about entering a bedroom in your own house. The OP also said the child is making up things such as the OP cut her hair in the middle of the night, which never happened. smh. Let's point some fingers at the parent, the Dad who just refuses to handle his childs bad behavior. He's obviously clueless on how to handle his teenage daughter. The daughter is hurting, her parents split up, he moved in with another woman, their not married and the daughter is having a very hard time of it. What does Dad do? He just suggests that the two females have nothing to do with each other, under the same roof, while he's not home. That's not going to work Dad!

Quoting whatIknownow:

You've been sneaking into her room? That is very creepy. Do you think maybe your own behavior is the reason she hates you?

I would consider the things she has written, which is your insight into why she hates you, and make some changes.





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