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Step daughters 1st birthday

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:35 AM
  • 35 Replies

I am a soon to be step parent to a little girl who's turning one. Should I just go all out like she's my own child or leave it to her dad to plan? Our celebration would be a few days before her 1st birthday so it's probably before her's mom's celebration and I don't want to step on any toes. Any suggestions?

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:35 AM
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whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:39 AM

Are you inviting the same people as mom is inviting to her party?

What's the parenting schedule, who has custody?

How long have you been dating the dad?

Pamcakes74
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:56 AM

No it would be all different people. The parenting schedule is 2 days a week.  The dad and I have been dating a year. The mom has custody and when she was 4 months pregnant moved away with no contact with the dad. He went through the courts to get visitation and name on the birth certificate.  So it took almost 4 months before we got to meet the little girl and I've been in her life since the beginning :)  I just am conflicted because I have 2 girls, 11 and 9 and I don't know how I would react if someone else was throwing them such a milestone birthday party. 

Pero2
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:00 AM
1 mom liked this


I doubt that at 1 years old she'd report back to BM!

Quoting Pamcakes74:

  I just am conflicted because I have 2 girls, 11 and 9 and I don't know how I would react if someone else was throwing them such a milestone birthday party. 



ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:02 AM
I'd mainly let the dad to the planning, but with some strong input from you. I'd talk to him and see what he wants and if he isn't sure give him various options.

Your probably gonna step on BM's toes no matter what you do, so the best you can do is let the dad take lead on planning with you giving ideas. If he's anything like my DH is he doesn't think about a party at all. He just thinks a party happens lol. If he asks you to do something like say do invitations do it. By all means help out just don't try to run the show kwim...
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:02 AM



Quoting Pamcakes74:

No it would be all different people. The parenting schedule is 2 days a week.  The dad and I have been dating a year. The mom has custody and when she was 4 months pregnant moved away with no contact with the dad. He went through the courts to get visitation and name on the birth certificate.  So it took almost 4 months before we got to meet the little girl and I've been in her life since the beginning :)  I just am conflicted because I have 2 girls, 11 and 9 and I don't know how I would react if someone else was throwing them such a milestone birthday party. 


Wouldn't she assume the "someone else" was Dad? Why would she mind if dad threw her a party?

In all likelyhood, she won't care one way or the other. she will be focused on her own party. Of course, the 1yo will never remember any of it.

Birdseed
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:11 AM

If by "throwing a party" you mean:  going to the grocery store and buying stuff, inviting people, baking a cake, and taking pictures then I don't see why it would be an issue to plan a party.  No one has to even know it's you..you're just doing the work.  LOL  Does Dad WANT a party?  


Pamcakes74
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:18 AM

The dad wants to throw a party. True I'm just doing all the work because that's my personality. I like to handle things.  True - she's 1 and won't remember but through pictures. I'm overthinking the whole thing. 

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Dad should invite his family over and celebrate.  You should do nothing like she's your own, because well, she isn't.

Pamcakes74
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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Well, I have tried my best to treat his children the same as my children. So even though she's not my own. I love her and I'm part of her life. Its much better than treating her like a "red-headed step child".

packermomof2
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting Pamcakes74:

Well, I have tried my best to treat his children the same as my children. So even though she's not my own. I love her and I'm part of her life. Its much better than treating her like a "red-headed step child".


There is middle ground.  You can love a kid like they are other people's kids and not be a wench to them.  


"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
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