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Step daughters 1st birthday

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I am a soon to be step parent to a little girl who's turning one. Should I just go all out like she's my own child or leave it to her dad to plan? Our celebration would be a few days before her 1st birthday so it's probably before her's mom's celebration and I don't want to step on any toes. Any suggestions?

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Replies (21-30):
Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:22 AM


Quoting whatIknownow:

Birthday parties for a 1yo are for the parents and family, not for the child. I never had parties until my kids were old enough to be aware of them (around 3 or 4). I never did the 1yo party thing but my family did not live nearby, so there was no point.

But I see nothing wrong with SM planning this party. It's for the adults, the OP and her boyfriend and whatever family they invite. The fact that the baby is turning one is just an excuse for a party but I see nothing wrong with that.

Lol I laugh because I remember BD and I having DS 1st birthday. I hated every moment of it. We did it at the park and I was told we needed to provide food. It sucked in my opinion. I was stuck grilling hotdogs and missed DS playing with other kids. And then BD's grandma blew out the candle with DS. I was so mad. The only thing I had looked forward to was a picture of me, Bd and DS blowing out the candle. I wanted to relight it but she told me I was being silly and let DS grab a fist full of cake.

When DS turned 2, we went to the park again and it was after Bd and I split. I just provided cake and had way more fun watching him play with the other kids and balloons. It was great.

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:57 AM
I've had better ex's. in fact I'm friends with most of them. Just not those two. My sons biodad - in his defense is a good guy. He just had a bad moment where he did something very out of character. And I think his bad decision caused him to walk away. I don't know how you face every single day that you were a monster for 5 minutes. And I think that his walking away was his way of not dealing with his mistake. But in the beginning he thought he would be able to handle it and got kind of excited about being a dad. Seeing his son, was a different story. And in his wife's defense, she would have been a good stepmom. She is a good mom. From what I hear and I actually did like her. She was my best friend in junior high. I think once we got passed the trauma of events, her and I would have gotten along swell.


Quoting Tillymommie:

Seriously, the stories you tell of your exes. SMH. I am glad you found your current DH cause the rest make me wonder about the men (and women) in your state.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I remember when I was pregnant with my son. His BF started dating a lady, whom he is now married to. Their friends threw them a baby shower. At the time, it did upset me. She had a baby shower for a child that I was carrying? That seems creepy right? BF ended up never being involved and his wife only met my son once. My husband has now adopted my son. (Off topic) but yes as the bio mom my heart hurt over that. However, looking back, it has not made me who I am or caused me any real trauma. My ex husbands wife throws parties for my daughter every year. I have no idea what kind of party, who is there or what it was like unless my daughter tells me. Mom doesn't have to know unless you are wanting to invite her. It's a celebration and dad's family has a right to celebrate that milestone with his child. Maybe dad should really put forth the effort to be the one to actually throw the party. I'm just thinking here. My husband has never thrown my daughter a party but has always been very involved in our sons party planning. I made him address the invites last year lol



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Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:01 AM

LOL. You are too sweet. No its cool you can look past the crazy of it all. I do get incredibly creeped out that they had a baby shower and if I remember they thought they were going to take him home from the hospital. I couldn't even imagine thinking that would be ok. I would have probably blown a fuse if I was in your stitch.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I've had better ex's. in fact I'm friends with most of them. Just not those two. My sons biodad - in his defense is a good guy. He just had a bad moment where he did something very out of character. And I think his bad decision caused him to walk away. I don't know how you face every single day that you were a monster for 5 minutes. And I think that his walking away was his way of not dealing with his mistake. But in the beginning he thought he would be able to handle it and got kind of excited about being a dad. Seeing his son, was a different story. And in his wife's defense, she would have been a good stepmom. She is a good mom. From what I hear and I actually did like her. She was my best friend in junior high. I think once we got passed the trauma of events, her and I would have gotten along swell.


Quoting Tillymommie:

Seriously, the stories you tell of your exes. SMH. I am glad you found your current DH cause the rest make me wonder about the men (and women) in your state.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I remember when I was pregnant with my son. His BF started dating a lady, whom he is now married to. Their friends threw them a baby shower. At the time, it did upset me. She had a baby shower for a child that I was carrying? That seems creepy right? BF ended up never being involved and his wife only met my son once. My husband has now adopted my son. (Off topic) but yes as the bio mom my heart hurt over that. However, looking back, it has not made me who I am or caused me any real trauma. My ex husbands wife throws parties for my daughter every year. I have no idea what kind of party, who is there or what it was like unless my daughter tells me. Mom doesn't have to know unless you are wanting to invite her. It's a celebration and dad's family has a right to celebrate that milestone with his child. Maybe dad should really put forth the effort to be the one to actually throw the party. I'm just thinking here. My husband has never thrown my daughter a party but has always been very involved in our sons party planning. I made him address the invites last year lol




Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children. Do you understand? ~The Crow

feliciasmith
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Meh I'm the planner in the family and dh is the excitement lol I'll plan everything perfectly to a T and dh will enjoy every second of the party with the little ones. So usually it's me telling him hey we're having dd's birthday at such and such place at such and such time take the day off. And he shows up blows candles takes pictures and gets dad credit lol but Im too much of a control freak to let him plan because god forbid he gets plates that dont match our theme!!!
lovevamp
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:10 AM
This. I plan all the kids parties because Dh is no good at that stuff

Quoting mz_erica03:

If BM is doing her own party anyway (not inviting you and BF), then I don't see a problem in you two planning something separate. We do it every year.

lovevamp
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:11 AM
1 mom liked this
This is so me too. Lol

Quoting feliciasmith:

Meh I'm the planner in the family and dh is the excitement lol I'll plan everything perfectly to a T and dh will enjoy every second of the party with the little ones. So usually it's me telling him hey we're having dd's birthday at such and such place at such and such time take the day off. And he shows up blows candles takes pictures and gets dad credit lol but Im too much of a control freak to let him plan because god forbid he gets plates that dont match our theme!!!
Pamcakes74
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:41 PM

He is not a planner - at all. I enjoy making fun cakes for the kids. His response to me helping was " whatever you want babe -  I know you like parties". So I'm in the clear and I'm not stepping on any toes. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Yes. He thought a good custody split would be, I get him for the first three days at the hospital and then he get him for the next three days after and swap back and forth. I freaked a little. He was on security alert at the hospital just in case. When he came to visit they had security outside my door.


Quoting Tillymommie:

LOL. You are too sweet. No its cool you can look past the crazy of it all. I do get incredibly creeped out that they had a baby shower and if I remember they thought they were going to take him home from the hospital. I couldn't even imagine thinking that would be ok. I would have probably blown a fuse if I was in your stitch.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I've had better ex's. in fact I'm friends with most of them. Just not those two. My sons biodad - in his defense is a good guy. He just had a bad moment where he did something very out of character. And I think his bad decision caused him to walk away. I don't know how you face every single day that you were a monster for 5 minutes. And I think that his walking away was his way of not dealing with his mistake. But in the beginning he thought he would be able to handle it and got kind of excited about being a dad. Seeing his son, was a different story. And in his wife's defense, she would have been a good stepmom. She is a good mom. From what I hear and I actually did like her. She was my best friend in junior high. I think once we got passed the trauma of events, her and I would have gotten along swell.





Quoting Tillymommie:

Seriously, the stories you tell of your exes. SMH. I am glad you found your current DH cause the rest make me wonder about the men (and women) in your state.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I remember when I was pregnant with my son. His BF started dating a lady, whom he is now married to. Their friends threw them a baby shower. At the time, it did upset me. She had a baby shower for a child that I was carrying? That seems creepy right? BF ended up never being involved and his wife only met my son once. My husband has now adopted my son. (Off topic) but yes as the bio mom my heart hurt over that. However, looking back, it has not made me who I am or caused me any real trauma. My ex husbands wife throws parties for my daughter every year. I have no idea what kind of party, who is there or what it was like unless my daughter tells me. Mom doesn't have to know unless you are wanting to invite her. It's a celebration and dad's family has a right to celebrate that milestone with his child. Maybe dad should really put forth the effort to be the one to actually throw the party. I'm just thinking here. My husband has never thrown my daughter a party but has always been very involved in our sons party planning. I made him address the invites last year lol






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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:04 PM
I honestly don't think you are. Personally, I wouldn't want pictures but that's just me. Lol I take my own pictures and don't expect dad to share his pictures. I used to send pics to him thinking he would want to see his daughter but he said it hurt him to see what he is missing out on. So just don't rub it in her face. Keep the presents at your home. Bake a cake, buy her a frilly little dress and a pretty bow and celebrate her first birthday with family and friends. First milestones are hard to miss. It is hurtful and that's just honest. I missed my daughters first steps bc she was at daycare. I cried. It always seemed like the daycare was seeing everything before me. That first year was hard which is why I stopped working and decided to stay home back then. I was tired of missing things. But a party? She's having her own party so it's not like she is really missing it.


Quoting Pamcakes74:

He is not a planner - at all. I enjoy making fun cakes for the kids. His response to me helping was " whatever you want babe -  I know you like parties". So I'm in the clear and I'm not stepping on any toes. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 1:07 PM
We had 50 people show up to Dd's first party! Lol it was a mess.


Quoting Tillymommie:


Quoting whatIknownow:

Birthday parties for a 1yo are for the parents and family, not for the child. I never had parties until my kids were old enough to be aware of them (around 3 or 4). I never did the 1yo party thing but my family did not live nearby, so there was no point.

But I see nothing wrong with SM planning this party. It's for the adults, the OP and her boyfriend and whatever family they invite. The fact that the baby is turning one is just an excuse for a party but I see nothing wrong with that.

Lol I laugh because I remember BD and I having DS 1st birthday. I hated every moment of it. We did it at the park and I was told we needed to provide food. It sucked in my opinion. I was stuck grilling hotdogs and missed DS playing with other kids. And then BD's grandma blew out the candle with DS. I was so mad. The only thing I had looked forward to was a picture of me, Bd and DS blowing out the candle. I wanted to relight it but she told me I was being silly and let DS grab a fist full of cake.

When DS turned 2, we went to the park again and it was after Bd and I split. I just provided cake and had way more fun watching him play with the other kids and balloons. It was great.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
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