Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Do you feel that you're biased when you read about step kids who are very young?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:15 AM
  • 84 Replies

I have a bit of a weird bias I think.

When I read posts by SMs who have 1-2YO step kids, I honestly think to myself "WTF kind of douche is the Dad?"  I realize this is not the right way to think and that there are all sorts of reasons people divorce or split up.  But I guess somewhere in my head, I think that if people actually planned to have kids, being divorced and remarried before the kid is even 1 or 2 years old means you didn't try too hard.  Or..that you failed to use proper BC.

Like I said, I know that's not an appropriate assumption to make in all cases.  But on another board, it certainly does seem to fit.  BF has bunches of little kids with several different ladies and here's SM saying she's SM to multiple kids <3YO.  That's just...ugh.


by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:15 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Pamcakes74
by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:24 AM

Well in my case my BF was in a relationship and the girl got pregnant. She left when she was 4 months pregnant. Has an older son who she did the same thing to that dad. So had 2 kids...no father listed on the birth certificate. My BF went after her to be a father to a baby who was conceived out of marriage. He tried for months to get back with her when she was pregnant but she didn't want a man in her life. My case only....but this was not the dad's fault. She just wanted babies!

Boobear110
by Audra on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:27 AM

It's not always the Dad that wants out.. In my BF case his ex wanted out when SD was barely 2

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:28 AM

I can see that the thought has crossed my mind when I read some posts on here. SK is less than two I have been here since birth type thing. I think it just boils down to timing and personal things .I wouldn't date someone with a pregnant exgf or a very young child but lots of people do. BF left when our kids were not quite 2 (22 months to be exact) several of my friends told me I should start dating right away. I always thought who the heck would date me!! I mean not one but two 2 year olds?

I  was extremely surprised I didn't have trouble getting dates when i did decide to start dating (kids were 2 1/2). Not my cup of tea but whatever floats your boat

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:28 AM

I got together with DH when SD was a year and a half old, we were married the month after she was 2. And yea, he didn't use proper birth control with BM, but, SD is amazing, and i couldn't imagine our lives without her. BM left the moment SD was born and wanted nothing to do with being a mom or having a family.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:37 AM

No, I don't.  But perhaps assumptions tend to be shaped by personal experience.  My SS was only a few months old when my DH and BM split.  She fell off the wagon and bolted.  It wasn't the first time, but it was the final straw the ended their marriage.  She didn't hit rock bottom and commit to rehab until SS was 4, after I'd entered the picture. 

A friend of mine, incidentally a narcotics officer, became a single dad when his daughter was still an infant and he learned his wife was doing drugs behind his back.  I think it'd be awesome if he found someone new, but I'm not sure a SM could hack that situation just yet with all the court drama still going on.  That dosen't stop me from trying to set him up on dates though, lol. 

The situations I'm familiar with where the kids are really tiny are all with CBDs though because mom went nucking futs (drugs, alcohol).  I suppose I might have a different assumption if I were to meet a NCBD and SM of a very small child. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:40 AM


I have no personal experience with this but I noticed myself thinking negative thoughts when reading a post today and thought "Gee, that's awfully judgey of you...WTH?" 

Quoting Derdriu:

No, I don't.  But perhaps assumptions tend to be shaped by personal experience.  My SS was only a few months old when my DH and BM split.  She fell off the wagon and bolted.  It wasn't the first time, but it was the final straw the ended their marriage.  She didn't hit rock bottom and commit to rehab until SS was 4, after I'd entered the picture. 

A friend of mine, incidentally a narcotics officer, became a single dad when his daughter was still an infant and he learned his wife was doing drugs behind his back.  I think it'd be awesome if he found someone new, but I'm not sure a SM could hack that situation just yet with all the court drama still going on.  That dosen't stop me from trying to set him up on dates though, lol. 

The situations I'm familiar with where the kids are really tiny are all with CBDs though because mom went nucking futs (drugs, alcohol).  I suppose I might have a different assumption if I were to meet a NCBD and SM of a very small child. 



twinklebites
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:43 AM

This post makes me think of the poster that was on here a while ago (she still might be) That had a DD and BM had a DS but the two were only a few months apart. I will admit I was judgmental as all hell. All I could think was what a cluster , poor babies and isn't he quite the "catch".

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:47 AM

yes, that is my thought process too.

SM to multiple kids <3yo? Different moms? Yeah. I would think Dad was sleeping around.

Panda113
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Yeah, I totally have to agree with you. I do this a lot.
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2013 at 11:47 AM

I try not to judge (though I will admit when there's lots of young children and different BMs I think 'what's going on here').

our situation -

BM and DH only dated for six months when BM found out she was pregnant. They were forced to get married. When SS was two and a half, BM told DH that she was seeing someone else. She moved in with her friend and started the paperwork. DH tried to make it work. They were on and off for the next few months, but BM never stopped seeing SF. Eventually SF proposed, so BM started pushing along the divorce.

I came into the picture about five months after SS turned three. Three months later the divorce was finalized. BM married SF weeks before SS turned four.

 

 

❝ I found it is the small everyday
deeds of ordinary folk that keep
the darkness at bay. Small acts
of kindness and love. ❞

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN