Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

SP Gaining Custody of SKs AFTER Divorce?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 40 Replies
Posting Anonymous because it really has nothing to do with me or my personal sitch... My DH's mom actually gained custody of her SD after divorcing SD's father. Was wondering if anyone else actually heard of this happening?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 26, 2013 at 3:00 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
AMBG825
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:18 AM

 Yes but it's EXCEEDINGLY rare. The only time I've heard of it happening is when one parent is gone completely (jail, death etc) and the stepparent has been a long time parental figure.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:29 AM
Quoting AMBG825:

 Yes but it's EXCEEDINGLY rare. The only time I've heard of it happening is when one parent is gone completely (jail, death etc) and the stepparent has been a long time parental figure.

Just one parent has to be mostly absent? Does the child's age play a factor? This is a completely new concept to me... Never heard of it before.
AMBG825
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:34 AM

 Like I said, the only time I've heard of it is in extremely rare instances. I've only seen one case and in that case it was a SF that gained custody. His circumstances were the bio father was in prison (no chance of getting out) and mom had drug issues. It was a really extreme situation.

 

I have never heard of a SP gaining custody without there being some really extreme circumstances. Visitation yes. Custody no.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting AMBG825:

 Yes but it's EXCEEDINGLY rare. The only time I've heard of it happening is when one parent is gone completely (jail, death etc) and the stepparent has been a long time parental figure.

Just one parent has to be mostly absent? Does the child's age play a factor? This is a completely new concept to me... Never heard of it before.

 






 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:54 AM

MIL says that there was a advocate group that helped her... BD wasn't entirely unfit, and BM had requested visitations just a few years before (not sure on all the details there TBH)...  I'm not thinking about leaving DH, it just shocked me when I found out about this, so I thought I'd ask here for some different insight...

Quoting AMBG825:

 Like I said, the only time I've heard of it is in extremely rare instances. I've only seen one case and in that case it was a SF that gained custody. His circumstances were the bio father was in prison (no chance of getting out) and mom had drug issues. It was a really extreme situation.

 

I have never heard of a SP gaining custody without there being some really extreme circumstances. Visitation yes. Custody no.

Quoting Anonymous:

Quoting AMBG825:

 Yes but it's EXCEEDINGLY rare. The only time I've heard of it happening is when one parent is gone completely (jail, death etc) and the stepparent has been a long time parental figure.

Just one parent has to be mostly absent? Does the child's age play a factor? This is a completely new concept to me... Never heard of it before.

 


WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:13 AM

I'm sure it happens in certain situations.  My DH is DS's SF.  If we were to divorce and I went batshit crazy that I couldn't have custody of my kids I'm sure DH would get it.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:26 AM
I have heard of a stepparent being left with their stepchildren after separation or death of the bioparent.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
peregrinus
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:14 AM

I got physical custody of dsd when I left dh last year.  It wasn't hard for me because both of her bio parents wanted her with me.  I know it's abnormal and rare.  I've been the primary parent for 9 years, while bm moved away and was more concerned with her art career, and three years ago dh moved to another state for a job leaving me with my three bios (with dh) and dsd.  BM was given the opportunity at that point to have primary and chose not to.  When the kids and I joined dh a year later our marriage was barely hanging on.  I left him shortly thereafter.  Again, bm was given the opportunity to have primary physical custody and chose not to.  At one point dsd was acting out violently (and had started a fire!) I begged one of them to take her because I felt that she needed someone who could watch her all the time, my babysitters were quitting because of her actions, and I couldn't provide emotionally for all four children when she was demanding so much of me, and both of them had a million and one excuses for why they couldn't/wouldn't, which ulitimately resulted in me loosing my job and having to go back to dh.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:18 AM

So, you're in a relationship you don't want because of a child that's not biologically yours?


Quoting peregrinus:

I got physical custody of dsd when I left dh last year.  It wasn't hard for me because both of her bio parents wanted her with me.  I know it's abnormal and rare.  I've been the primary parent for 9 years, while bm moved away and was more concerned with her art career, and three years ago dh moved to another state for a job leaving me with my three bios (with dh) and dsd.  BM was given the opportunity at that point to have primary and chose not to.  When the kids and I joined dh a year later our marriage was barely hanging on.  I left him shortly thereafter.  Again, bm was given the opportunity to have primary physical custody and chose not to.  At one point dsd was acting out violently (and had started a fire!) I begged one of them to take her because I felt that she needed someone who could watch her all the time, my babysitters were quitting because of her actions, and I couldn't provide emotionally for all four children when she was demanding so much of me, and both of them had a million and one excuses for why they couldn't/wouldn't, which ulitimately resulted in me loosing my job and having to go back to dh.



peregrinus
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:23 AM

At a very basic level, yes.  

Quoting Anonymous:

So, you're in a relationship you don't want because of a child that's not biologically yours?


Quoting peregrinus:

I got physical custody of dsd when I left dh last year.  It wasn't hard for me because both of her bio parents wanted her with me.  I know it's abnormal and rare.  I've been the primary parent for 9 years, while bm moved away and was more concerned with her art career, and three years ago dh moved to another state for a job leaving me with my three bios (with dh) and dsd.  BM was given the opportunity at that point to have primary and chose not to.  When the kids and I joined dh a year later our marriage was barely hanging on.  I left him shortly thereafter.  Again, bm was given the opportunity to have primary physical custody and chose not to.  At one point dsd was acting out violently (and had started a fire!) I begged one of them to take her because I felt that she needed someone who could watch her all the time, my babysitters were quitting because of her actions, and I couldn't provide emotionally for all four children when she was demanding so much of me, and both of them had a million and one excuses for why they couldn't/wouldn't, which ulitimately resulted in me loosing my job and having to go back to dh.





momma2dnm
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I have a friend that was awarded custody of her stepson after the divorce and has now adopted him.  The sitiuation is even worse because he ex wasn't even the boys bio father.  From what she told me her ex's ex had a baby.  The real father had nothing to do with baby so her ex stepped up to the daddy role.  The bm was on drugs and an acholic.  Baby was born with dependences.   Because of the issues at his birth friends ex was awarded custody of the child.  Friend and ex then married and also had a child.  When they split she took both children and ex never stopped her.  Years later when ex took her to court fighting custody because of his childsupport order the judge granted her full legal of both children because she was the only caretaker these kids ever had.  She has had the child since he was a week old split from dad when he was three and he is eight now.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)