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BMs new abandonment issues theory...

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:38 PM
  • 18 Replies
This,weekend SD will be staying at BMs friends (as in BMs stbxh other BM) while she is outta town for the,weekend with the new boyfriend. She offered to let us know we can have her Sunday if we liked...no to the point BM goes on a,rant saying SD has,been "clingy", freaks out when she leaves (which since getting her divorce is more frequent, which is ok all moms deserve a break) and has been quote "up her,ass"... She then goes to tell DH she needs more "Daddy" time and thinks she's developing "abandonment issues" because DH "left" and STBXH "left"... I have an issue w this THEORY.... it takes two parents to be held accountable if a child feels abandoned and I feel like she's placing the blame but not taking any of it... SD,has already mommys boyfriend is always over and she doesn't spend time with her ..hm?
I am leaving this to DH and not saying a,word.


But do you not agree it's not ONE parent that effects a Childs emotional well being?

Also I don't get how it's,just DH,and SFs fault, they didn't just "leave" she wanted to run them off w less than admirable deeds...
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:50 PM
2 moms liked this

One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.

CFSTBSM27
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:56 PM
Although I'm sure that can be possible however is the blame game realistic...it's like she is blind to the,fact it's HER time she wants.... She,admitted SD doesn't want to,be with us or STBXH w,her sisters only her mother. She's just 9 moms,got a new bf over all the time practically days after her SF (of +7years) moved out,because,of,her infidelity...now is really true to say it's "Daddy" time she needs? My husband left BM (for the same issues) she was barely two


Quoting leegirl_jm:One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.
leanntx
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:01 PM
I agree with this. At the same time, I agree with OP, BM needs to realize that "Daddy time" is not the solution, her child is emotionally screaming that she wants attention from her mother, not to be sent to stay with someone else while BM spends time with a new boyfriend.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.


CFSTBSM27
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:09 PM
Im in no way saying during this crazy time for SD that,my husband shouldn't be more sensitive or spend extra,time with the little,one at,all but she is in obvious denial SD is,crying out for HER,attention not DH she didn't even want to see us when it was our,weekend.


Daddy is only HALF the solution.... She refuses to see that

Quoting leanntx:I agree with this. At the same time, I agree with OP, BM needs to realize that "Daddy time" is not the solution, her child is emotionally screaming that she wants attention from her mother, not to be sent to stay with someone else while BM spends time with a new boyfriend.


Quoting leegirl_jm:One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:09 PM

A child can be clingy to parent A and it isn't because they are suffering from abandonment issues due to parent A. Can you guys keep SD for the entire weekend, so she is with a parent and not with a friend?

Mom does seem like she should be paying more attention to SD but that just seems like time you guys can stay with her instead.

leanntx
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:11 PM
I agree with you. Hopefully things will get better!


Quoting CFSTBSM27:

Im in no way saying during this crazy time for SD that,my husband shouldn't be more sensitive or spend extra,time with the little,one at,all but she is in obvious denial SD is,crying out for HER,attention not DH she didn't even want to see us when it was our,weekend.





Daddy is only HALF the solution.... She refuses to see that



Quoting leanntx:I agree with this. At the same time, I agree with OP, BM needs to realize that "Daddy time" is not the solution, her child is emotionally screaming that she wants attention from her mother, not to be sent to stay with someone else while BM spends time with a new boyfriend.





Quoting leegirl_jm:One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.




CFSTBSM27
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:15 PM
I wanted too but my husband said simply "if she wants,to stay she will call and we will get her" He doesn't seem that bothered especially since last weekend BM kept her our weekend. Friday was a night out w,the,new BF and bm took SD, then last Saturday she,wanted to stay at her friends (funny Daddy time isn't a issue when BM has someone to cover babysitting....) But regardless this weekend we,haven't heard a,word. I myself wanted to call SD and just offer her to stay w Daddy and I, but I feel it should be my husband that does it (even tho he won't he's,adamant if she,wants,too she'll call) but she is missing the,point of,what,she's,saying to DH....


Quoting leegirl_jm:

A child can be clingy to parent A and it isn't because they are suffering from abandonment issues due to parent A. Can you guys keep SD for the entire weekend, so she is with a parent and not with a friend?

Mom does seem like she should be paying more attention to SD but that just seems like time you guys can stay with her instead.


CFSTBSM27
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:19 PM
Thank you :)
Well BM would,NEVER admit anything with SDs emotions is her fault. DH,isn't perfect either and I can't save,the,day that's for sure I just,hope she's ok


Quoting leanntx:I agree with you. Hopefully things will get better!


Quoting CFSTBSM27:Im in no way saying during this crazy time for SD that,my husband shouldn't be more sensitive or spend extra,time with the little,one at,all but she is in obvious denial SD is,crying out for HER,attention not DH she didn't even want to see us when it was our,weekend.


Daddy is only HALF the solution.... She refuses to see that

Quoting leanntx:I agree with this. At the same time, I agree with OP, BM needs to realize that "Daddy time" is not the solution, her child is emotionally screaming that she wants attention from her mother, not to be sent to stay with someone else while BM spends time with a new boyfriend.


Quoting leegirl_jm:One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.



leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:23 PM

In that case, you have to leave it to them to figure it out, most parents are going to be sensitive to this type of criticism and it isn't easy to see one's own fault or even our loved ones.

Quoting CFSTBSM27:

I wanted too but my husband said simply "if she wants,to stay she will call and we will get her" He doesn't seem that bothered especially since last weekend BM kept her our weekend. Friday was a night out w,the,new BF and bm took SD, then last Saturday she,wanted to stay at her friends (funny Daddy time isn't a issue when BM has someone to cover babysitting....) But regardless this weekend we,haven't heard a,word. I myself wanted to call SD and just offer her to stay w Daddy and I, but I feel it should be my husband that does it (even tho he won't he's,adamant if she,wants,too she'll call) but she is missing the,point of,what,she's,saying to DH....


Quoting leegirl_jm:

A child can be clingy to parent A and it isn't because they are suffering from abandonment issues due to parent A. Can you guys keep SD for the entire weekend, so she is with a parent and not with a friend?

Mom does seem like she should be paying more attention to SD but that just seems like time you guys can stay with her instead.



Wife, Mother and Career Woman living in Jamaica

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:30 PM

This, but I would add that the other parent can do things that make it more severe.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

One parent's behaviour can have an effect on a child's emotional well-being, no matter how great the other parent is. Yes, a child can have abandonment issue if only one parent disappears.


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