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I can not stand to look or hear from my daughters father!!!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

So today I was picking up my dd4 and her father approached me and said that our dd4 is at the age where she tells everything and that I need to watch what i say around her or to her about her dad and stepmom.  I asked him what was he talking about and he said thats all he is going to say to me, then he kissed our daughter and got into his car and drove off.


I texted him when i got home but he is not responding to me.  I do not know what he is talking about, I do not talk bad about him or his wife infront of my dd4. 

The only issue that i have with them is that my Dd4 calls his wife mommy.  My dd4 has been doing that since she started talking but now My dd is getting older and I want her to know she only has 1 mother.  I do talk with my dd4 about me being her mother and that her stepmother is not her mother, the more I talk to my dd4 about it the more she refer to her sm as mommy and when I ask her who is her mother she says my name then when i ask her how many mommies do she have she says 2.  I did mention to her father mulitiple times about him needing to talk to our dd4 about calling his wife mommy but he basically said he's not talking to dd because dd knows who her mother is and obvisously calling her sm mommy  is how our dd4 is feels about her sm. 

My dd4 do not call my dh daddy because i respect her father as her father.  Why cant I earn the same respect!!


My dh seems like he is on my ex's side because he is always telling me to stop drilling my dd about her sm not being her mother because dd knows that already.  He also does not see the problem with dd calling her sm mom as well.  I just cannot let that go it hurts me so bad to hear her refer to her sm as mommy!!!  He says sd probably feels that way because she spends so much time with her dad and his family (we share 50/50).  He said that her father and sm and their kids is her  family unit at her dads, which I understand but i do not see the reason that sm can deserve to be called mommy by my dd4.

i wonder if my dd4 is going to her dad and telling her dad or sm that sm is not her moth or something because that is the only conversations that i have with my dd4 pertaining to her dad and his wife.  I do ask her how was her time with her dad etc when I pick her up but nothing bad.


Why do i feel so disrespected that my dd calls her sm mommy and the more my dd talks about her father and his wife she gets so excited.  That makes me happy to see that she is happy over there but why cant she just call her sm by her name.

My ex has 1 dd4 with me, his wife has 2 dd 5 & 9 and my ex and his wife has 2 together 1 & 2, Which all of them call my ex daddy even his wife kids.  i wonder if they teach all of the kids to call my ex daddy and his wife mommy. also my ex gave our dd4 and his wife dd 5 a birthday party together and i did attend and so did my ex;s sd5 BF and he seemed okay with his dd5 calling both him and my ex daddy. I do not care what all the other kids do but I care that my dd4 is calling another woman mommy and I want it to stop!!


My dh said thats part me being controlling but i do not think so I looking at it as a respect issue




Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Replies (41-43):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 5:46 PM

 Your child wanting to call a step mother mom has nothing to do with what your ex did or didn't do.

 

Quoting Pero2:

I'd like to comment on this specifically ...

First of all, I'm not bitter. But I sacrificed a lot in my role as a mother, for my daughter, throughout the duration of my relationship with her father ... because I thought (and to some extent still do think) that the best for a child would be a nuclear family.

We are talking continous cheating (more than seven years of it), financial problems (gambling etc. ... and no, I wasn't the one who did), mental issues (again, not mine) ... I thought I'd be able to ignore ... and I was wrong.

Effectively, my life was put on hold for about 7 years ... his problems, his issues, his needs had priority.

Post-separation, and this is where I am ... I've got a great job (which allows me to fund my DD's needs pretty much on my own), a nice(ish) house of my own (working on sprucing it up), a lovely man to share my life with, a cat, a horse ... HAPPINESS.

The only minor problem is the dealings with BF ... but hey, that's my own fault. So why on Earth would I add another problem to spoil what I certainly think I deserve in the form of adding another "vote" to the mix? I am busy enough ensuring to fulfill my own DF's needs (and all that without inconveniencing BF) ... do I really need another person with views/needs/wishes to take into account? Plus, bear in mind that that person brought two further kids into the marriage with BF ... more needs and wishes. Then there is an ex (who has needs and wishes), his second wife (needs and wishes), more children (needs and wishes).

I'm not martyr material! Not even for my child!

Quoting Anonymous:

If you can't put the bitterness aside and let YOUR child make that decsion for his or herself then you are no better than my mother.

 

 

Pero2
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 6:04 PM

 It certainly  does!

See, I have no intention on relying on an "unknown quantity", who (according to statistics) has a 66% chance of disappearing sooner or later!

I have to be able to rely on her father ... and check out my previous posts to see where that got me!

I covered for him back then, covered for him post-separation ... covered for him only recently when SM decided that contact should be reduced. So no way she would be calling her "mom" (not that she'd want to).


Quoting Anonymous:

 Your child wanting to call a step mother mom has nothing to do with what your ex did or didn't do.

FoodIsLife
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 6:18 PM

All I will say is that I respect your feelings and position...but I 100% do not agree with them.

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