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BM and the hurtful things that come out of her mouth

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM
  • 39 Replies

My SD told that while she was visiting BM this weekend that she told my SD that they were going to take her to the place where you take kids you don't want and just leave her there. She also told her that we would be happy about it and said we would say yay we didn't want her here.

There are so many hurtful things that she says to my SD. It's almost like it's the only way she can talk to her. I don't know how many times she's come home and said BM or SF said this and it hurt her feelings. She cries about it sometimes too. BM knows she's sensitive and doesn't seem to either notice or care that she is hurting her.

We don't care what she says about us but my SD does. She considers me to be her mommy. I do everything I can for her and then some.

It just breaks our hearts seeing her so hurt all the time.

My SD lives with us full time. She has lived with my DH for 6 years. I've been here for about 4 of those years.

EDIT: My SD has been seeing a therapist for close to 2 years now. She has  ahard time opening up so sometimes the horrible things BM and her family say or do to SD don't come out for months which does not help her. Even though we've had many talks with her about getting everything out so she can get help with it all she has not gotten to that point yet.

Thank you al for the support. I know there is no real advice you can give me that will help. We are already doing all we can to get her through this but the support helps.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
DDDaysh
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 How old is your SD?  Are you sure she's giving an accurate report? 

bottomline
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?

WorkingOT
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Hurt people hurt people.  So sad that this actually happens.  SD taped her mom yelling at her with random, evil, hurtful things like "you  get on my nerves with your Daddy's nose" and "you can go live with your Daddy, I don't care, both of y'all can go straight to hell. I hate the 2 of you!"  Sadly, we still have the recording...just in case we ever need it.

Sometimes, in my experience, I've learned that bitter, troubled people lash out, even at their innocent children. Document everything, just jot the things your SD tells you without drilling her or "looking for dirt." 


KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

She's 9. This is not the first thing they've said or done to her. She has a good imagination but she can't fake the hurt that was on her first when she was talking about it. 


Quoting DDDaysh:

 How old is your SD?  Are you sure she's giving an accurate report? 


 

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:24 PM

I have no idea if she's on drugs. I know she used to do them all the time. I can even try to understand what would go through her head to say something like that.


Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?


 

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:26 PM

 I'm already in the habit of writing thing down. She sees a therapist twice a month so I try to have everything that the therapist needs to know so she can help her better. Sadly she's been in therapy for close to a year and a half or more. It helps at times but then BM or SF do or say something that just knocks her right back down.


Quoting WorkingOT:

Hurt people hurt people.  So sad that this actually happens.  SD taped her mom yelling at her with random, evil, hurtful things like "you  get on my nerves with your Daddy's nose" and "you can go live with your Daddy, I don't care, both of y'all can go straight to hell. I hate the 2 of you!"  Sadly, we still have the recording...just in case we ever need it.

Sometimes, in my experience, I've learned that bitter, troubled people lash out, even at their innocent children. Document everything, just jot the things your SD tells you without drilling her or "looking for dirt." 

 


 

Sept-babies2
by Patriot's Fan on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:27 PM
1 mom liked this
It is sad that mothers say mean things like that. Sd has come here saying that her mother told her that i don't want her part of the family. Sd also said one time "my mommy hates you." She was only 3 at the time. It is sad because sd loves me.and i love her but her mom i think tries to get sd not to like me or something. Jealousy i assume. It is ridiculous and i have never said anything mean about her mom infront of sd. It is just something you don't do. They are only hurting the kids.
Chaoz_Girl7311
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:35 PM

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.


Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?



momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Is this child in therapy? She needs to be. My daughter is told a lot of hurtful things. Just last week, when she brought home all high B's and A's on her report card, she was told that the only reason she got those grades is because the teachers gave them to her so they could keep their ranking with the state.... Wtf!?
So she shared that with her therapist and the therapist really helped her to navigate through those feelings and to find her self worth and ignore those comments. I suggest therapy. Nothing more you can do. Because you can't change them. You can only make sure she has the tools to emotionally survive this time.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.



Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?





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