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BM and the hurtful things that come out of her mouth

My SD told that while she was visiting BM this weekend that she told my SD that they were going to take her to the place where you take kids you don't want and just leave her there. She also told her that we would be happy about it and said we would say yay we didn't want her here.

There are so many hurtful things that she says to my SD. It's almost like it's the only way she can talk to her. I don't know how many times she's come home and said BM or SF said this and it hurt her feelings. She cries about it sometimes too. BM knows she's sensitive and doesn't seem to either notice or care that she is hurting her.

We don't care what she says about us but my SD does. She considers me to be her mommy. I do everything I can for her and then some.

It just breaks our hearts seeing her so hurt all the time.

My SD lives with us full time. She has lived with my DH for 6 years. I've been here for about 4 of those years.

EDIT: My SD has been seeing a therapist for close to 2 years now. She has  ahard time opening up so sometimes the horrible things BM and her family say or do to SD don't come out for months which does not help her. Even though we've had many talks with her about getting everything out so she can get help with it all she has not gotten to that point yet.

Thank you al for the support. I know there is no real advice you can give me that will help. We are already doing all we can to get her through this but the support helps.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:45 PM
It's very sad when dad's do it too. It is no more sad than anyone else emotionally abusing a child. Abusers are all genders.


Quoting Sept-babies2:

It is sad that mothers say mean things like that. Sd has come here saying that her mother told her that i don't want her part of the family. Sd also said one time "my mommy hates you." She was only 3 at the time. It is sad because sd loves me.and i love her but her mom i think tries to get sd not to like me or something. Jealousy i assume. It is ridiculous and i have never said anything mean about her mom infront of sd. It is just something you don't do. They are only hurting the kids.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:50 PM
It disgusting regardless of which parent is doing it. Exh informed ods that it was his fault they got caught stealing Internet and now he was going to cost them $30 a month to pay for it. His gf chimed in with how good they have it there and how they don't appreciate anything they do for them.


Quoting momof2ex1:

It's very sad when dad's do it too. It is no more sad than anyone else emotionally abusing a child. Abusers are all genders.




Quoting Sept-babies2:

It is sad that mothers say mean things like that. Sd has come here saying that her mother told her that i don't want her part of the family. Sd also said one time "my mommy hates you." She was only 3 at the time. It is sad because sd loves me.and i love her but her mom i think tries to get sd not to like me or something. Jealousy i assume. It is ridiculous and i have never said anything mean about her mom infront of sd. It is just something you don't do. They are only hurting the kids.


Amy1973Potts
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Exactly.

Just because a woman has the ABILITY to have a child, doesn't mean she should. There are people out there NOT meant to breed, but unfortunately, they do.


Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:25 PM
F*ck her ....who says that?!
Chaoz_Girl7311
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:30 PM

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)


Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.



Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?







momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:41 PM
That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)



Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.




Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?











Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anidawehiwahya
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:48 PM

I know exactly how you fell. My Sson's mother is the same way. For some of the same kinds of reasons, she only gets 8 hours of visitation a week with her 11 1/2 year old son. She is hurtful to him emotionally and has been physically. She is mean to me. He has come home in tears and I am the one who is here (dad works afternoon shift, so I am full-time step-mom 24/7- he sees mom 8 hours a week and dad on the weekends), and cries on my shoulder. It breaks my heart. I have been up until 1am on the nights before he has to go visit her with him having chest pains from anxiety. It is soo hard. If you need to talk, PM me.. 

Hugs, Wahya

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 29, 2013 at 10:51 PM

It also could have been most BM's...


Quoting momof2ex1:

That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)



Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.




Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?













momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:37 PM
2 moms liked this
I really do not think that is fair either anonymous. Most mom's love their children and don't care about their ex's and his new wife. Most mom's that I personally know are good mom's and get along with their ex's. sure there Are some crazy cases out there especially here on this board but in real life, that number is pretty low. Most mom's of this world aren't here on this board. Most mom's are taking care of their children and not fighting with their ex husbands ex wife and posting anonymously on cafe mom. Most mom's would be inaccurate anon.


Quoting Anonymous:

It also could have been most BM's...



Quoting momof2ex1:

That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)




Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.








Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.





Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?



















Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:46 PM

 She is in therapy. She has been for close to 2 years.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Is this child in therapy? She needs to be. My daughter is told a lot of hurtful things. Just last week, when she brought home all high B's and A's on her report card, she was told that the only reason she got those grades is because the teachers gave them to her so they could keep their ranking with the state.... Wtf!?
So she shared that with her therapist and the therapist really helped her to navigate through those feelings and to find her self worth and ignore those comments. I suggest therapy. Nothing more you can do. Because you can't change them. You can only make sure she has the tools to emotionally survive this time.


 

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