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BM and the hurtful things that come out of her mouth

My SD told that while she was visiting BM this weekend that she told my SD that they were going to take her to the place where you take kids you don't want and just leave her there. She also told her that we would be happy about it and said we would say yay we didn't want her here.

There are so many hurtful things that she says to my SD. It's almost like it's the only way she can talk to her. I don't know how many times she's come home and said BM or SF said this and it hurt her feelings. She cries about it sometimes too. BM knows she's sensitive and doesn't seem to either notice or care that she is hurting her.

We don't care what she says about us but my SD does. She considers me to be her mommy. I do everything I can for her and then some.

It just breaks our hearts seeing her so hurt all the time.

My SD lives with us full time. She has lived with my DH for 6 years. I've been here for about 4 of those years.

EDIT: My SD has been seeing a therapist for close to 2 years now. She has  ahard time opening up so sometimes the horrible things BM and her family say or do to SD don't come out for months which does not help her. Even though we've had many talks with her about getting everything out so she can get help with it all she has not gotten to that point yet.

Thank you al for the support. I know there is no real advice you can give me that will help. We are already doing all we can to get her through this but the support helps.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Replies (21-30):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:48 PM
Well that's good to hear. Just know that as she gets older, she will start to form that guard around her heart and those things won't hurt her. I never wanted my child to ever need to build a wall around her heart especially against someone she loves so deeply but it has prepared her for the ugly teen years. Those girls ain't got nothing on her. She stronger than nails. It's unfortunate but what matters in the end is that she does know that she IS loved and it really doesn't matter if that's her bio parent or someone else, as long as she is loved. My daughters therapist shared this with me the other day.


Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 She is in therapy. She has been for close to 2 years.




Quoting momof2ex1:

Is this child in therapy? She needs to be. My daughter is told a lot of hurtful things. Just last week, when she brought home all high B's and A's on her report card, she was told that the only reason she got those grades is because the teachers gave them to her so they could keep their ranking with the state.... Wtf!?
So she shared that with her therapist and the therapist really helped her to navigate through those feelings and to find her self worth and ignore those comments. I suggest therapy. Nothing more you can do. Because you can't change them. You can only make sure she has the tools to emotionally survive this time.



 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:51 PM

 My SD already has emotional issues because of everything BM and SF and their entire family has said and done.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)

 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.

 


Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?

 


 


 

 


 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:53 PM
That's so sad ... Just love her. That's really all you can do. And do what you can to boost her self esteem.


Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 My SD already has emotional issues because of everything BM and SF and their entire family has said and done.




Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:


oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)


 


Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.



Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:


It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.


 



Quoting bottomline:


 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?


 



 



 


 




 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:55 PM

 I wish she could build her wall now. She is so sensitive sometimes. They are always telling her that we don't love her and don't want her around. We get one step forward and they take her 20 steps back.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Well that's good to hear. Just know that as she gets older, she will start to form that guard around her heart and those things won't hurt her. I never wanted my child to ever need to build a wall around her heart especially against someone she loves so deeply but it has prepared her for the ugly teen years. Those girls ain't got nothing on her. She stronger than nails. It's unfortunate but what matters in the end is that she does know that she IS loved and it really doesn't matter if that's her bio parent or someone else, as long as she is loved. My daughters therapist shared this with me the other day.


Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 She is in therapy. She has been for close to 2 years.


 


Quoting momof2ex1:

Is this child in therapy? She needs to be. My daughter is told a lot of hurtful things. Just last week, when she brought home all high B's and A's on her report card, she was told that the only reason she got those grades is because the teachers gave them to her so they could keep their ranking with the state.... Wtf!?
So she shared that with her therapist and the therapist really helped her to navigate through those feelings and to find her self worth and ignore those comments. I suggest therapy. Nothing more you can do. Because you can't change them. You can only make sure she has the tools to emotionally survive this time.

 


 



 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I am really very sorry. I know the frustration and the pain because my daughter goes through it. She is 12. And just recently she has started seeing the light. She won't stand up to her dad but she blocks out what he says while he is saying it.


Quoting KimberlyMKasten:

 I wish she could build her wall now. She is so sensitive sometimes. They are always telling her that we don't love her and don't want her around. We get one step forward and they take her 20 steps back.




Quoting momof2ex1:

Well that's good to hear. Just know that as she gets older, she will start to form that guard around her heart and those things won't hurt her. I never wanted my child to ever need to build a wall around her heart especially against someone she loves so deeply but it has prepared her for the ugly teen years. Those girls ain't got nothing on her. She stronger than nails. It's unfortunate but what matters in the end is that she does know that she IS loved and it really doesn't matter if that's her bio parent or someone else, as long as she is loved. My daughters therapist shared this with me the other day.



Quoting KimberlyMKasten:


 She is in therapy. She has been for close to 2 years.



 



Quoting momof2ex1:

Is this child in therapy? She needs to be. My daughter is told a lot of hurtful things. Just last week, when she brought home all high B's and A's on her report card, she was told that the only reason she got those grades is because the teachers gave them to her so they could keep their ranking with the state.... Wtf!?
So she shared that with her therapist and the therapist really helped her to navigate through those feelings and to find her self worth and ignore those comments. I suggest therapy. Nothing more you can do. Because you can't change them. You can only make sure she has the tools to emotionally survive this time.


 



 





 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:07 AM
I'd like to believe that to be true but sadly is not always the case. It is what it is...

I know some good moms as well but I also won't deny the fact that there are horrible moms out there as well.


Quoting momof2ex1:

I really do not think that is fair either anonymous. Most mom's love their children and don't care about their ex's and his new wife. Most mom's that I personally know are good mom's and get along with their ex's. sure there Are some crazy cases out there especially here on this board but in real life, that number is pretty low. Most mom's of this world aren't here on this board. Most mom's are taking care of their children and not fighting with their ex husbands ex wife and posting anonymously on cafe mom. Most mom's would be inaccurate anon.




Quoting Anonymous:

It also could have been most BM's...




Quoting momof2ex1:

That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.








Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)





Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.











Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.






Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?

























momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:45 AM
You only know 'some' good mom's? I would hope that you have at least a handful of moms around you that are good. Your mom, grandma, an aunt? Are you a good mom? You really feel that there are only some good moms in this world? Wow


Quoting Anonymous:

I'd like to believe that to be true but sadly is not always the case. It is what it is...



I know some good moms as well but I also won't deny the fact that there are horrible moms out there as well.




Quoting momof2ex1:

I really do not think that is fair either anonymous. Most mom's love their children and don't care about their ex's and his new wife. Most mom's that I personally know are good mom's and get along with their ex's. sure there Are some crazy cases out there especially here on this board but in real life, that number is pretty low. Most mom's of this world aren't here on this board. Most mom's are taking care of their children and not fighting with their ex husbands ex wife and posting anonymously on cafe mom. Most mom's would be inaccurate anon.






Quoting Anonymous:

It also could have been most BM's...





Quoting momof2ex1:

That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.











Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)






Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.














Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.







Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?































Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:57 AM
I was pawned off on my grandparents for most of my younger years. I don't have any regrets about that. Most of my friends moms were my moms. That being said, my mom wasn't the greatest. I hope that just about sums it up.

I strive to be the opposite of her.


Quoting momof2ex1:You only know 'some' good mom's? I would hope that you have at least a handful of moms around you that are good. Your mom, grandma, an aunt? Are you a good mom? You really feel that there are only some good moms in this world? Wow


Quoting Anonymous:I'd like to believe that to be true but sadly is not always the case. It is what it is...

I know some good moms as well but I also won't deny the fact that there are horrible moms out there as well.


Quoting momof2ex1:I really do not think that is fair either anonymous. Most mom's love their children and don't care about their ex's and his new wife. Most mom's that I personally know are good mom's and get along with their ex's. sure there Are some crazy cases out there especially here on this board but in real life, that number is pretty low. Most mom's of this world aren't here on this board. Most mom's are taking care of their children and not fighting with their ex husbands ex wife and posting anonymously on cafe mom. Most mom's would be inaccurate anon.


Quoting Anonymous:It also could have been most BM's...
Quoting momof2ex1:That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)
Quoting momof2ex1:I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.
Quoting bottomline: Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?








momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:24 AM
Well then that explains your feelings towards moms. I'm sorry you went through that. But most of us moms are just like you. We are just being the best moms we can to our kids.


Quoting Anonymous:

I was pawned off on my grandparents for most of my younger years. I don't have any regrets about that. Most of my friends moms were my moms. That being said, my mom wasn't the greatest. I hope that just about sums it up.



I strive to be the opposite of her.





Quoting momof2ex1:You only know 'some' good mom's? I would hope that you have at least a handful of moms around you that are good. Your mom, grandma, an aunt? Are you a good mom? You really feel that there are only some good moms in this world? Wow





Quoting Anonymous:I'd like to believe that to be true but sadly is not always the case. It is what it is...



I know some good moms as well but I also won't deny the fact that there are horrible moms out there as well.





Quoting momof2ex1:I really do not think that is fair either anonymous. Most mom's love their children and don't care about their ex's and his new wife. Most mom's that I personally know are good mom's and get along with their ex's. sure there Are some crazy cases out there especially here on this board but in real life, that number is pretty low. Most mom's of this world aren't here on this board. Most mom's are taking care of their children and not fighting with their ex husbands ex wife and posting anonymously on cafe mom. Most mom's would be inaccurate anon.





Quoting Anonymous:It also could have been most BM's...

Quoting momof2ex1:That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)

Quoting momof2ex1:I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.

Quoting bottomline: Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?


















Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chaoz_Girl7311
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:43 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. The best thing you can do is tell SD every time you see her you love her, you love spending time with her, you will always be there for her. Spoil her and let her go crazy lol your the "other mom" that is just supposed to worry about her being happy in your home, let her eat ice cream for breakfast, take her shopping, take her places and just have fun!!! She'll soon come to realize that you love her and the things her mother is saying to her is not right.
Quoting KimberlyMKasten:


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