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BM and the hurtful things that come out of her mouth

My SD told that while she was visiting BM this weekend that she told my SD that they were going to take her to the place where you take kids you don't want and just leave her there. She also told her that we would be happy about it and said we would say yay we didn't want her here.

There are so many hurtful things that she says to my SD. It's almost like it's the only way she can talk to her. I don't know how many times she's come home and said BM or SF said this and it hurt her feelings. She cries about it sometimes too. BM knows she's sensitive and doesn't seem to either notice or care that she is hurting her.

We don't care what she says about us but my SD does. She considers me to be her mommy. I do everything I can for her and then some.

It just breaks our hearts seeing her so hurt all the time.

My SD lives with us full time. She has lived with my DH for 6 years. I've been here for about 4 of those years.

EDIT: My SD has been seeing a therapist for close to 2 years now. She has  ahard time opening up so sometimes the horrible things BM and her family say or do to SD don't come out for months which does not help her. Even though we've had many talks with her about getting everything out so she can get help with it all she has not gotten to that point yet.

Thank you al for the support. I know there is no real advice you can give me that will help. We are already doing all we can to get her through this but the support helps.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Replies (31-39):
KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:34 PM

 BM has not been able to poison her against us. We tell we love her all the time. I wish we could just worry about her being home and happy. That would be wonderful. Luckily she lives with us so there's not as much to worry about as far as her being away.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. The best thing you can do is tell SD every time you see her you love her, you love spending time with her, you will always be there for her. Spoil her and let her go crazy lol your the "other mom" that is just supposed to worry about her being happy in your home, let her eat ice cream for breakfast, take her shopping, take her places and just have fun!!! She'll soon come to realize that you love her and the things her mother is saying to her is not right.
Quoting KimberlyMKasten:



 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 4:49 PM

Amen! 

In my case, it's DH's exwife, but I am friends with her current DH's exwife and lets just say...they are perfectly suited for one another and miserable.  My friend gets it on her end from them as well. 

Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.



Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?






brandyk705
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:11 PM

BM are crazy sometimes!  They will do everything in there power to make the Skids hate the other parents, or to make them have a miserable time when they are with NCP.  I would get her into counseling now and keep records of everything that is going on.  You may someday need it to save that little give from a verbally abusive home.  This is not a good situation for SD if this is actually happening.  She will never have any seance of security in her life.  Those words will haunt her every time she leaves your home.  Will they want me to come back?  Do they really not love me?  Those kinda questions and fears to instill in a child is so wrong on so many leveles. 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:35 PM
Why do you generalize? Sure there are some crazy mom's out there but there are equal dads that are doing the same thing. It would be very unfair for me to generalize that all dads are deadbeats or all dads attempt to replace mom with their new spouse, right? Not all moms are crazy. Some moms are crazy. So are some dads. Parents can be crazy.


Quoting brandyk705:

BM are crazy sometimes!  They will do everything in there power to make the Skids hate the other parents, or to make them have a miserable time when they are with NCP.  I would get her into counseling now and keep records of everything that is going on.  You may someday need it to save that little give from a verbally abusive home.  This is not a good situation for SD if this is actually happening.  She will never have any seance of security in her life.  Those words will haunt her every time she leaves your home.  Will they want me to come back?  Do they really not love me?  Those kinda questions and fears to instill in a child is so wrong on so many leveles. 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FoodIsLife
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:46 PM

Chaoz... momof2 is not trying to make you feel like you're wrong (in case you're feeling offended)... she is trying to let you understand how to present your comments on this site. If you are not careful those tiny little wording mistakes can cause some anon poster to go crazy on you...in case you didn't already notice lol She is a wise woman :-)

Quoting momof2ex1:

That is very true. But you generalized with some BMs. The correct statement would be some parents if we are speaking of a group of people. If we are speaking of just one BM, then we would say, specifically this BM.


Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

oh no im not excluding some BFs and other parental figures but in this situation, It is BM who is being so heartless to put her child in the middle, and will be the one who is responsible for her child potentially developing emotional problems later on down the road (if in this case it keeps going on)



Quoting momof2ex1:

I would not generalize this to BMs. Dad's and their wives are just as crazy. I have a crazy ex and he is married to his perfect match. Parents that hate their ex more than they love their child, come in equal numbers.





Quoting Chaoz_Girl7311:

It shocks from what some BMs are capable of, even if it meant hurting their own child and putting them in the middle.




Quoting bottomline:

 Is bm on drugs or something? Why on earth would a parent say that to a child?












dlolley88
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:07 PM

seam's to me she is using her daughter as a weapon witch is common and not fair. They don't see it as there hurting there kid there trying to hurt the sp and bp. My ss6 BM does the same thing to him sometimes. One time she asked my ss when he was 5 if he loved me. he told her yeah. she asked him how can you love that fat bitch. That night he came home he said my mom said your a fat B. I said really why she say that? he said cause she asked me if I loved you and I told her yeah. I never asked him what was said, I guess it was bothering him and he wanted to tell me. People know kids repeat things. Its sad and when your SD gets older she will see who hurt her and who was there to hold her to tell her everything was ok.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:08 PM
Since she was speaking of BM I'm thinking she just referred to her as that good god people take a chill pill would ya?
KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:15 PM

 She's been seeing a therapist for close to two years now. I wish it wasn't necessary but it helps at times. Other times n ot so much because she seems afraid to open up.


Quoting brandyk705:

BM are crazy sometimes!  They will do everything in there power to make the Skids hate the other parents, or to make them have a miserable time when they are with NCP.  I would get her into counseling now and keep records of everything that is going on.  You may someday need it to save that little give from a verbally abusive home.  This is not a good situation for SD if this is actually happening.  She will never have any seance of security in her life.  Those words will haunt her every time she leaves your home.  Will they want me to come back?  Do they really not love me?  Those kinda questions and fears to instill in a child is so wrong on so many leveles. 


 

KimberlyMKasten
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:18 PM
1 mom liked this

 She's been using her as a weapon for years. It doesn't work though. She doesn't hurt us with what she says. The only hurt we get it seeing my SD is pain. We could care less what she says about us. She hurts my SD far more than she could ever hurt us. I wish she would see how much pain she is causing her.

My SD already sees what a hurtful person she is. We are just trying to teach her to ignore the nastiness.


Quoting dlolley88:

seam's to me she is using her daughter as a weapon witch is common and not fair. They don't see it as there hurting there kid there trying to hurt the sp and bp. My ss6 BM does the same thing to him sometimes. One time she asked my ss when he was 5 if he loved me. he told her yeah. she asked him how can you love that fat bitch. That night he came home he said my mom said your a fat B. I said really why she say that? he said cause she asked me if I loved you and I told her yeah. I never asked him what was said, I guess it was bothering him and he wanted to tell me. People know kids repeat things. Its sad and when your SD gets older she will see who hurt her and who was there to hold her to tell her everything was ok.


 

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