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I feel bad, but its how I feel and I can't help it

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:21 PM
  • 190 Replies

So, we found out that we are having another baby.....I went from two kids to now four ( SD 9 just moved it). My kids are very clingy and want to touch my stomach and cuddle and do all that mushy stuff because they are intrigued with the idea of a baby in my belly. (My oldest is 8 and my youngest is 3) I see that it seems like SD wants to do the same thing, but I am not comfortable with it at all. I feel horrible because its not like she lives with her mom and only visits on EOWE like before. I really don't feel comfortable with her rubbing my belly or trying to cuddle, is this normal? am I wrong for feeling this way?

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Nobody bothered my belly when I was pregnant so I don't know how it feels to get agitated with ppl pawing at you lol however let me try it this way-you gave birth to your kids, you're connected to them. So, naturally you feel its okay for them to be around you 24/7 because you have the new fascination in your belly!

And maybe SD just wants to be a part of the excitement? A new baby is a huge thing for a kid her age!

Eyelashes23
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:26 PM
2 moms liked this
I wish my step son would cuddle with me:( he doesn't like anyone hugging or kissing him
kss12
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:27 PM
1 mom liked this
I can totally understand how you feel. I kind of felt the same way but acted as if nothing about it bothered me. SS was kind of disconnected anyway, he's never been one to really show his feelings so it wasn't too bad.
I have a ds now and we are going to try when he's a bit older. I wouldn't mind him being all over me but would feel awkward with ss trying to do the same. It's a natural feeling so don't feel bad!
ramita
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:29 PM
3 moms liked this
I get were you are coming from, but you need tobe sure you're not pushing her away or giving bad vibes to her when she tries to touch your belly. If you do this intentially or not not she will feel like you don't like her, and it will cause resentment especially once the baby comes.

Congrats and hope all goes good for you and family!
CodeBlue
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:32 PM
9 moms liked this
Fake it til you make it or don't let your kids touch the belly. That sounds harsh and mean, but it isn't meant to be. I think if you don't go with one of those two options you have the potential for a lot of resentment and feeling like an outsider due to exclusion.
Good luck.
Tpayne2011
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:40 PM

I know she doesn't mean any harm, but I feel so violated.....I wish I didn't feel this way

Quoting Tigress22304:

Nobody bothered my belly when I was pregnant so I don't know how it feels to get agitated with ppl pawing at you lol however let me try it this way-you gave birth to your kids, you're connected to them. So, naturally you feel its okay for them to be around you 24/7 because you have the new fascination in your belly!

And maybe SD just wants to be a part of the excitement? A new baby is a huge thing for a kid her age!



momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:45 PM
2 moms liked this
I believe you have a right to your feelings and I'm not sure that they are right or wrong. What concerns me in situations like these is that there are two other children allowed to do those things and one child is excluded and probably at her age, can tell that you have the feelings you have. I don't blame you for your feelings, it's the reason I chose not to date men who had children bc I can't say that I wouldn't feel the same way. I am already not a kid person. I love my kids but I know I don't really like other people's kids. It's when you choose to be in a situation with other people's kids and then they live with you, that i think it is sad. For the kid. But I still do believe you have a right to how you feel. I never liked anyone touching my belly. So I can't help you there either. I am not a touchy person. I just hope you sd doesn't feel your feelings and anxiety because that can be damaging to her. Again, though I don't blame you for your feelings.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:47 PM
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And don't forget: resentment towards the new baby who is 1/2 sibling to her sd.


Quoting CodeBlue:

Fake it til you make it or don't let your kids touch the belly. That sounds harsh and mean, but it isn't meant to be. I think if you don't go with one of those two options you have the potential for a lot of resentment and feeling like an outsider due to exclusion.

Good luck.

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Tpayne2011
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:47 PM

I don't mistreat her at all but I feel like there needs to be a line that is drawn. I haven't said anything to my DH but I plan to. I wish I was one of those people who could pretend, but I think deep in my heart I am feeling some kind of resentment and I can't pinpoint where it is coming from. She is a result of my husband cheating on me back when we were dating......I often think I am over it, but there are times when I say to myself I have my own kids to raise and her mother couldn't even raise the one she had.....I know its not a great thought process, but I can't shake it...I'm trying to


Quoting ramita:

I get were you are coming from, but you need tobe sure you're not pushing her away or giving bad vibes to her when she tries to touch your belly. If you do this intentially or not not she will feel like you don't like her, and it will cause resentment especially once the baby comes.

Congrats and hope all goes good for you and family!



Tpayne2011
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 9:49 PM

I think its unfair to not bond with my children during this exprerience because of my SD ( just being honest, I do understand what you are saying though). It is hard to fake something like that, I'm trying to find a medium between not feeling uncomfortable and not making her feel like an outsider


Quoting CodeBlue:

Fake it til you make it or don't let your kids touch the belly. That sounds harsh and mean, but it isn't meant to be. I think if you don't go with one of those two options you have the potential for a lot of resentment and feeling like an outsider due to exclusion.
Good luck.



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