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step kid on the way, more added. Update 12/27

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 183 Replies

12/27 The babies are here. It was twins! I myself am doing pretty good during this. I had to meet with the other woman before she let the kids come over. We are getting to see them 2x a month (how DH wanted it) for just a couple hours at a time.  It was a boy and a girl. They are a month and a half old. She doesn't want child support and her husband is on the birth certificate. Im not really sure where to go from here as far as leagal stuff but im leaving that up to them.  So far all communication is through me... thats how i wanted it but she is the one that brought it up first. When she drops them off she tells me how they are doing and whats changed with them. So far everything is civil. She knows that when they are here i am mostly doing all the work and that i will be part of the their life and discipline while at my house... she knew this from day one and seemed to be ok with it.

When i 1st posted this... it was all freash and i didn't know what to do/think and my mind was going everywhere. so reading back its kinda like.... really! LOL

 

I have posted about my situation before. DH got another woman pregnant but we are staying together and working on things.
Right now she is about 9 weeks pregnant and DH has had no contact with her for about 25 days. I only asked for him to cut contact for 2 weeks and our counselor suggested no contact with the other woman with out me or an email that only I know the password to. So she will not be dealing with him but with us. If we ever meet in person ( I think it will be next month) I will not speak, I will not email her but I will be with my husband 100% of the time he speaks to her now.

My question is what can we do now to ensure that dh can get 50/50? I know dh wanted to tell her all the benefits of adoption and how the will help her but I told him that if he emailed that to her she could use it against him in court so he won't get 50/50. From a legal point I know I have no rights to this child. Also dh doesn't want to be made to pay half of daycare because I am at home all day and I can watch the baby while mom or dad work. We also don't think it would be fine for the baby to bond to a temp caregivers when I will be here its whole life.



I was just using this to kinda think out loud. Dh and I do have problems but as I said we are working on them. He still living at his parents but spends time here aftervwork. No I don't trust him , not right now. I know the trust level will never be the same and he knows that. Yes he made a huge mistake. I gave him the option to leave, heck since he doesn't live here he doesn't really have to come over everyday. He decided to stay ( after I had already decided to stay) he was at a point in our marriage that he didn't love me. He us willing to stay and fall back in love with me.
I know you ladies will think I'm stupid but I do still love him. My whole world was my husband and kids. When he did this it made my world come crashing down. Now we are picking up the pieces .
We are both trying to better our self's, he is improving on things that bothered me and I am improving on things that bothered him.

All of this is hard for me. Our situation has so many moving parts and only a limited amount of time for our marriage to get strong.
I'm sorry a bunch of you think Im crazy. i

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:12 AM
11 moms liked this

She is 9 weeks pregnant.  9 weeks ago your husband was fucking another woman.  And that is best case.

STFU about 50/50 and adoption and day care costs.

Anon drama.

Gah.

Godlymom87
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:21 AM
This is a joke right? I was with you until you said we feel that you should keep the baby while they work! Ummm I'm pretty sure that BM is not going to want a stranger watching her newborn baby!
Melina74
by Melina on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:05 AM
8 moms liked this

You've posted before about this, and everyone already told you that your DH will not get 50/50 out of the gate, no judge will take a infant away from it's mother even for overnight if she's breast feeding.  The best he can do is pay child support, take as much visitation he can get and be active in the child's life until the child is old enough to be in a 50/50 situation.  

I think you and your DH are focusing on 50/50 and childcare because you can't talk about the elephant in the room, which is your husband got another woman pregnant. You are honing in on that issue, and feeling indignant over it, and he's letting you, because it keeps you from focusing on HIS actions.  

packermomof2
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:24 AM
1 mom liked this

Nothing.  You let them work things out and you stay out of it.  He isn't going to get 50/50 of a newborn.  You are dad's wife, sure, but she doesn't have to agree with you babysitting her kid.  You are the wife, he slept with her and screwed up, but that doesn't mean she has to agree to anything you want or think should happen.

lnr187
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 3:06 AM
1 mom liked this

i've read your other posts, and i think you're putting WAY too much effort and thought into this other woman and the baby and not focusing on your marriage. your whole life and marriage can not revolve around this other baby. you will fail. you are nto going to get 50/50 for AT LEAST a year. it just won't happen. he'd have to prove that she was unfit. and what is this adoption thing? im assuming that she's not planning to give the baby up. and she's sure as hell not going to give it up to you! he might be able to say that you can provide child care, but that's totally up the a judge. you also have to remember that dh isn't looking so good right now seeing as HE is the one who cheated and got a nother woman pregnant. he's not looking too stable. and you say that you will be there its whole life.... what is he cheats again. or what if focusing on this baby comes between you and you AREN'T their its whole life....

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 5:43 AM
2 moms liked this
I think you best bet is too stay far away from it.... I might suggest a second opinion on the therapists theory you should be involved in everything.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 6:56 AM
1 mom liked this

are you seeking 50/50 just so you can control things, as a way of dealing with your husband's affair?

Does the future mom want 50/50?

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:00 AM

I agree with all of the ladies above who say you should not be focusing on this baby, but on your marriage.

Right now you say you are staying together, but you might change your mind. When I learned my husband had cheated on me, my first impulse was to stay together. But eventually I left him. 

How long ago did you find out about this affair? It is still early in your grieving process.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:09 AM
As you were informed you will not be getting 50/50 of a newborn. Mom does not have to even consider you as a care giver and you have no place in this situation. You probably won't be allowed in the court room and your dh won't be calling the shots a judge will. What is going to continue to hurt your husband as a part of this child's life is trying to thrust you into it. Bm doesn't have to accept you or allow you around her child especially with how unbalanced you sound.
What will your dh do when the baby is born? I can guarantee to you that YOU will not be welcome and no one is going to let you in of you aren't. Will dh then not see his child bc you can't be there?
You have unrealistic expectations.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:13 AM
4 moms liked this

 You lost control of your husband and your marriage. This is not the way to get it back.

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