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step kid on the way, more added. Update 12/27

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

12/27 The babies are here. It was twins! I myself am doing pretty good during this. I had to meet with the other woman before she let the kids come over. We are getting to see them 2x a month (how DH wanted it) for just a couple hours at a time.  It was a boy and a girl. They are a month and a half old. She doesn't want child support and her husband is on the birth certificate. Im not really sure where to go from here as far as leagal stuff but im leaving that up to them.  So far all communication is through me... thats how i wanted it but she is the one that brought it up first. When she drops them off she tells me how they are doing and whats changed with them. So far everything is civil. She knows that when they are here i am mostly doing all the work and that i will be part of the their life and discipline while at my house... she knew this from day one and seemed to be ok with it.

When i 1st posted this... it was all freash and i didn't know what to do/think and my mind was going everywhere. so reading back its kinda like.... really! LOL

 

I have posted about my situation before. DH got another woman pregnant but we are staying together and working on things.
Right now she is about 9 weeks pregnant and DH has had no contact with her for about 25 days. I only asked for him to cut contact for 2 weeks and our counselor suggested no contact with the other woman with out me or an email that only I know the password to. So she will not be dealing with him but with us. If we ever meet in person ( I think it will be next month) I will not speak, I will not email her but I will be with my husband 100% of the time he speaks to her now.

My question is what can we do now to ensure that dh can get 50/50? I know dh wanted to tell her all the benefits of adoption and how the will help her but I told him that if he emailed that to her she could use it against him in court so he won't get 50/50. From a legal point I know I have no rights to this child. Also dh doesn't want to be made to pay half of daycare because I am at home all day and I can watch the baby while mom or dad work. We also don't think it would be fine for the baby to bond to a temp caregivers when I will be here its whole life.



I was just using this to kinda think out loud. Dh and I do have problems but as I said we are working on them. He still living at his parents but spends time here aftervwork. No I don't trust him , not right now. I know the trust level will never be the same and he knows that. Yes he made a huge mistake. I gave him the option to leave, heck since he doesn't live here he doesn't really have to come over everyday. He decided to stay ( after I had already decided to stay) he was at a point in our marriage that he didn't love me. He us willing to stay and fall back in love with me.
I know you ladies will think I'm stupid but I do still love him. My whole world was my husband and kids. When he did this it made my world come crashing down. Now we are picking up the pieces .
We are both trying to better our self's, he is improving on things that bothered me and I am improving on things that bothered him.

All of this is hard for me. Our situation has so many moving parts and only a limited amount of time for our marriage to get strong.
I'm sorry a bunch of you think Im crazy. i

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Replies (11-20):
SnapIt
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Concentrate on fixing your marriage

You are putting too much effort on how to take the baby away from the mother and not enough of why did my husband cheat

This is a distraction to fixing your marriage

Question is why?
Why are you staying?
You are saying to him its ok you cheated , Its ok you fathered a child outside our marriage
You making him cut off contact is not going to keep him away. He shouldve cut his contact on his own. You cant prevent him from contacting her ever again and when the baby arrives even more so, that baby will always be the bond between them and he will have to make decisions without you, because you arent the mother.

I think you are staying because you dont want her to have him and to make yourself feel like top dog, run it your way. You want to win, when really you lost.
You are underestimating this other woman.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:20 AM



Quoting MommySabs:


You have unrealistic expectations.


^^^^ This.

I think over the coming months, your views on this situation will change. Like I said, it is very early.

Also, why did you only ask your husband to cut contact for 2 weeks? Why would he have any contact at all before the baby is born? There is nothing for them to be talking about. Strange that you are counting the exact number of days since he has had contact with her.

I think you should get your own counseling, in addition to the marriage counseling. Your own, personal counseling, because some of these issues are not couple issues, but your own personal issues - to see if maybe you should leave this marriage, and that would be a solo decision, not a couple decisions.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:21 AM


yes, this is exactly what I am hearing. As though taking the baby away from the mother is a means to undo the damage.

Quoting SnapIt:

Concentrate on fixing your marriage

You are putting too much effort on
how to take the baby away from the mother and not enough of why did my husband cheat

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:21 AM
1 mom liked this

 And you really shouldnt proclaim that you will be there for this childs whole life. This woman is only 9 weeks pregnant. You have NO idea how even the next 7 months will go. Even the strongest women may not be able to handle it. And you are NOT strong right now. There is no way you could be with the knowledge that your husband just had his dick inside another woman just a short 9 weeks ago. You really should be more like, let's wait and see mode.

CodeBlue
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:24 AM
2 moms liked this

What an absolute clusterfuck.

I cannot express how much I disagree with your therapist.  I donn't believe that this course of action will end well for you.  I suppose you feel the need to be involved because you don't trust your husband.  I wouldn't trust him either - seeing as he was with someone else just nine short weeks ago.  

I agree with everyone else. 

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:26 AM

All of what these ladies said.

I also think you should get a new counselor.  This one isn't giving very good advice.

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:29 AM
And not to mention 9 weeks is generous. The weeks in a pregnancy start at the first day of the last period not conception so you can probably knock off 2 weeks, so now you're down to 7 weeks ago and she didn't find out she was pregnant until she missed her next period so you can probably knock another 2 weeks off so now you're at 5 weeks. So 5-7 weeks ago your husband was with another woman intimately. Deal with that. The child is not now nor will ever be your business.


Quoting baparrot2:

 And you really shouldnt proclaim that you will be there for this childs whole life. This woman is only 9 weeks pregnant. You have NO idea how even the next 7 months will go. Even the strongest women may not be able to handle it. And you are NOT strong right now. There is no way you could be with the knowledge that your husband just had his dick inside another woman just a short 9 weeks ago. You really should be more like, let's wait and see mode.


BioNerd
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:38 AM
1 mom liked this

 Aaaahhh yes. I remember you. My advice is the same now as it was then.

tiredmama42
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 7:46 AM

If my DH got a woman pregnant 9 weeks ago I dont think I could jump on board so soon.  I would be pissed.    I couldnt even imagine having my infant taken away from me for a minute .. People make pretty reckless decisions but you being his "wife"  she didnt consider you at that moment when she spread her legs.. why would she consider you to help raise her baby?      I couldnt do it... either way.

givenshl
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:02 AM

 This left me speechless....Unbelievable

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