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step kid on the way, more added. Update 12/27

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

12/27 The babies are here. It was twins! I myself am doing pretty good during this. I had to meet with the other woman before she let the kids come over. We are getting to see them 2x a month (how DH wanted it) for just a couple hours at a time.  It was a boy and a girl. They are a month and a half old. She doesn't want child support and her husband is on the birth certificate. Im not really sure where to go from here as far as leagal stuff but im leaving that up to them.  So far all communication is through me... thats how i wanted it but she is the one that brought it up first. When she drops them off she tells me how they are doing and whats changed with them. So far everything is civil. She knows that when they are here i am mostly doing all the work and that i will be part of the their life and discipline while at my house... she knew this from day one and seemed to be ok with it.

When i 1st posted this... it was all freash and i didn't know what to do/think and my mind was going everywhere. so reading back its kinda like.... really! LOL

 

I have posted about my situation before. DH got another woman pregnant but we are staying together and working on things.
Right now she is about 9 weeks pregnant and DH has had no contact with her for about 25 days. I only asked for him to cut contact for 2 weeks and our counselor suggested no contact with the other woman with out me or an email that only I know the password to. So she will not be dealing with him but with us. If we ever meet in person ( I think it will be next month) I will not speak, I will not email her but I will be with my husband 100% of the time he speaks to her now.

My question is what can we do now to ensure that dh can get 50/50? I know dh wanted to tell her all the benefits of adoption and how the will help her but I told him that if he emailed that to her she could use it against him in court so he won't get 50/50. From a legal point I know I have no rights to this child. Also dh doesn't want to be made to pay half of daycare because I am at home all day and I can watch the baby while mom or dad work. We also don't think it would be fine for the baby to bond to a temp caregivers when I will be here its whole life.



I was just using this to kinda think out loud. Dh and I do have problems but as I said we are working on them. He still living at his parents but spends time here aftervwork. No I don't trust him , not right now. I know the trust level will never be the same and he knows that. Yes he made a huge mistake. I gave him the option to leave, heck since he doesn't live here he doesn't really have to come over everyday. He decided to stay ( after I had already decided to stay) he was at a point in our marriage that he didn't love me. He us willing to stay and fall back in love with me.
I know you ladies will think I'm stupid but I do still love him. My whole world was my husband and kids. When he did this it made my world come crashing down. Now we are picking up the pieces .
We are both trying to better our self's, he is improving on things that bothered me and I am improving on things that bothered him.

All of this is hard for me. Our situation has so many moving parts and only a limited amount of time for our marriage to get strong.
I'm sorry a bunch of you think Im crazy. i

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Replies (31-40):
hburnette3
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:09 AM

her two kids are already going to suffer from Daddy's actions. financially and emotionally.   Wouldn't a divorce tell her kids this is not right and I can't stand for it?  They will understand it when they get older.  My husband cheated on me once and I forgave him but there was no baby made from his wrong doing. 

If I was in that situation I don't think I would be able to deal with the child.  It sounds horrible.  I know.

Granted if it happened I may feel different. Who knows.



Quoting whatIknownow:


I wouldn't bash you for that. Basically what you're saying is, if the child is born alive and is still in the mother's care (meaning, in your DH's life in any way), then you would not stay married.

It's a valid choice.

But this poster has two children with her husband. so if you make that choice, you are creating a divorce situation for your own children. Maybe she is trying to find a way to avoid her own divorce and therefore avoid allowing her children to maintain their intact family. That is also a consideration.

Quoting hburnette3:

I'm going get bashed.  I can feel it.

but if I was in that situation DamnHubby would have two options if he wanted to stay with me.

Option 1 Baby Mama get an abortion

Option 2 Baby Mama give the baby up for adoption.


I under thank Baby Mama may not be willing to do either.  Then it would be too bad for DH.  Bye Bye DH.






whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:13 AM


I don't disagree, I left my cheating husband when my kids were 7 and 5. So I made that decision, but it was not a decision I took lightly. I did consider the effect on my kids and that weighed into my decision, but in the end I decided it wasn't enough to keep me with him. But, the OP may have reached a different conclusion. Her financial position and her ability to support herself may also influence that decision - as I was employed and able to support myself. If I had been a SAHM it would have been harder to leave.

Also I was pretty sure I would get primary custody. I would not have left, I don't think, if there was a chance I would only get 50/50.

Quoting hburnette3:

her two kids are already going to suffer from Daddy's actions. financially and emotionally.   Wouldn't a divorce tell her kids this is not right and I can't stand for it?  They will understand it when they get older.  My husband cheated on me once and I forgave him but there was no baby made from his wrong doing. 

If I was in that situation I don't think I would be able to deal with the child.  It sounds horrible.  I know.

Granted if it happened I may feel different. Who knows.



Quoting whatIknownow:


I wouldn't bash you for that. Basically what you're saying is, if the child is born alive and is still in the mother's care (meaning, in your DH's life in any way), then you would not stay married.

It's a valid choice.

But this poster has two children with her husband. so if you make that choice, you are creating a divorce situation for your own children. Maybe she is trying to find a way to avoid her own divorce and therefore avoid allowing her children to maintain their intact family. That is also a consideration.

Quoting hburnette3:

I'm going get bashed.  I can feel it.

but if I was in that situation DamnHubby would have two options if he wanted to stay with me.

Option 1 Baby Mama get an abortion

Option 2 Baby Mama give the baby up for adoption.


I under thank Baby Mama may not be willing to do either.  Then it would be too bad for DH.  Bye Bye DH.








hburnette3
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:14 AM

yes I probably would.

If I was the other woman I definantly would not give up my baby.


Quoting WifeyC:

You would have to go with option 3 - divorce.  You can't reasonably expect a woman to give up her child because Dad is a cheating whore and his wife has a problem with it.

Quoting hburnette3:

I'm going get bashed.  I can feel it.

but if I was in that situation DamnHubby would have two options if he wanted to stay with me.

Option 1 Baby Mama get an abortion

Option 2 Baby Mama give the baby up for adoption.


I under thank Baby Mama may not be willing to do either.  Then it would be too bad for DH.  Bye Bye DH.






MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this
How insanely creepy is it that she is first of all preparing a room for a child that isn't hers and secondly doing it in a house that she kicked her only connection to the child out of?!!! Seriously I think op needs to seek counseling for herself, it sounds like she , understandably, is headed for a serious mental break and it is still the first trimester of this pregnancy - it is only going to get hard when the pregnancy get further along when there are ultra sounds and then it becomes real and then the child is born and then going to court. She hasn't even begun to get to the real tough stuff.


Quoting whatIknownow:


yes, but I presume he is back living with her again?


Quoting amantonacci:

Doesn't she say in that post that her dh isn't living with her? Is that the same one?





Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 







amantonacci
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:19 AM
Oh... Idk she was talking about painting the nursery without him living there...


Quoting whatIknownow:


yes, but I presume he is back living with her again?


Quoting amantonacci:

Doesn't she say in that post that her dh isn't living with her? Is that the same one?





Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 







whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:36 AM


yeah, strange.

Then  again the whole thing is strange. It seems to me, as someone said above, that taking this kid and assimilating this baby into the family seems to be a way for the OP to deal with the affair. That is so wrong on every level and a sure-fire path to complete disaster.

Quoting amantonacci:

Oh... Idk she was talking about painting the nursery without him living there...


Quoting whatIknownow:


yes, but I presume he is back living with her again?


Quoting amantonacci:

Doesn't she say in that post that her dh isn't living with her? Is that the same one?





Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 









LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:51 AM
This whole thing is just odd. Focus on your marriage and let them focus on THEIR child.
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:58 AM


What is the post named?

Quoting whatIknownow:


yes, but I presume he is back living with her again?

Quoting amantonacci:

Doesn't she say in that post that her dh isn't living with her? Is that the same one?


Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 






MommySabs
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:01 AM
It was bumped by WIKN. 50/50 child support something something


Quoting pdxmum:


What is the post named?


Quoting whatIknownow:


yes, but I presume he is back living with her again?


Quoting amantonacci:

Doesn't she say in that post that her dh isn't living with her? Is that the same one?





Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 










JLang
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:14 AM

Walk away from this situation and go find happiness with someone else. I don't know you but anyone deserves better than this.

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