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step kid on the way, more added. Update 12/27

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

12/27 The babies are here. It was twins! I myself am doing pretty good during this. I had to meet with the other woman before she let the kids come over. We are getting to see them 2x a month (how DH wanted it) for just a couple hours at a time.  It was a boy and a girl. They are a month and a half old. She doesn't want child support and her husband is on the birth certificate. Im not really sure where to go from here as far as leagal stuff but im leaving that up to them.  So far all communication is through me... thats how i wanted it but she is the one that brought it up first. When she drops them off she tells me how they are doing and whats changed with them. So far everything is civil. She knows that when they are here i am mostly doing all the work and that i will be part of the their life and discipline while at my house... she knew this from day one and seemed to be ok with it.

When i 1st posted this... it was all freash and i didn't know what to do/think and my mind was going everywhere. so reading back its kinda like.... really! LOL

 

I have posted about my situation before. DH got another woman pregnant but we are staying together and working on things.
Right now she is about 9 weeks pregnant and DH has had no contact with her for about 25 days. I only asked for him to cut contact for 2 weeks and our counselor suggested no contact with the other woman with out me or an email that only I know the password to. So she will not be dealing with him but with us. If we ever meet in person ( I think it will be next month) I will not speak, I will not email her but I will be with my husband 100% of the time he speaks to her now.

My question is what can we do now to ensure that dh can get 50/50? I know dh wanted to tell her all the benefits of adoption and how the will help her but I told him that if he emailed that to her she could use it against him in court so he won't get 50/50. From a legal point I know I have no rights to this child. Also dh doesn't want to be made to pay half of daycare because I am at home all day and I can watch the baby while mom or dad work. We also don't think it would be fine for the baby to bond to a temp caregivers when I will be here its whole life.



I was just using this to kinda think out loud. Dh and I do have problems but as I said we are working on them. He still living at his parents but spends time here aftervwork. No I don't trust him , not right now. I know the trust level will never be the same and he knows that. Yes he made a huge mistake. I gave him the option to leave, heck since he doesn't live here he doesn't really have to come over everyday. He decided to stay ( after I had already decided to stay) he was at a point in our marriage that he didn't love me. He us willing to stay and fall back in love with me.
I know you ladies will think I'm stupid but I do still love him. My whole world was my husband and kids. When he did this it made my world come crashing down. Now we are picking up the pieces .
We are both trying to better our self's, he is improving on things that bothered me and I am improving on things that bothered him.

All of this is hard for me. Our situation has so many moving parts and only a limited amount of time for our marriage to get strong.
I'm sorry a bunch of you think Im crazy. i

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:51 AM
Replies (41-50):
DDDaysh
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:19 PM

 You will not be allowed into legal mediation.  This is not your child and you will not be allowed to be "replacement mommy" against the real mother's wishes.

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:40 PM

 My SIL is pregnant and further along than this BM (pregnant with her OWN child) and not yet decorating a room for the baby.  It's nuts! 

Quoting whatIknownow:

I just read your other post. I am really in shock at your level of denial.

You're already decorating a room for the baby. Your husband wants the baby to call you mom. 

 

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:45 PM

 It's not horrible.  A child changes EVERYTHING.  When your husband cheats, if you're trying to work through it, it's absolutely understandable that you wouldn't trust them for a while.  It's understandable that you'd want to closely monitor any interaction with other women.  It's understandable that you certainly wouldn't want them in contact with the OW. 

But NONE of those things is practical in a situation where he has a child with the OW.  No matter what you want, you'll always be an "outsider" to the relationship with that child.  He'll always share that bond with the OW, and it will always be a bond you're not part of. 

 

Quoting hburnette3:

her two kids are already going to suffer from Daddy's actions. financially and emotionally.   Wouldn't a divorce tell her kids this is not right and I can't stand for it?  They will understand it when they get older.  My husband cheated on me once and I forgave him but there was no baby made from his wrong doing. 

If I was in that situation I don't think I would be able to deal with the child.  It sounds horrible.  I know.

Granted if it happened I may feel different. Who knows.

 

 

 

Kayjace0411
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:47 PM
Wow this is a very sad situation I have no idea how you are dealing with a cheater
babynurse244
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:47 PM

 

Where are the other posts? Hard to track when they post anonymous...

Quoting BioNerd:

 Aaaahhh yes. I remember you. My advice is the same now as it was then.


 

BioNerd
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM

 Yes, but I do believe she deleted it.

Quoting babynurse244:

 

Where are the other posts? Hard to track when they post anonymous...

Quoting BioNerd:

 Aaaahhh yes. I remember you. My advice is the same now as it was then.

 

 

 

Melina74
by Melina on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:51 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting whatIknownow:

are you seeking 50/50 just so you can control things, as a way of dealing with your husband's affair?

Does the future mom want 50/50?

I'm willing to bet it's about control, and anger.  Striking back at the OW.  As in, "you slept with my husband, took my security away in my relationship, so I'll take YOUR baby!"

Not downing her, I understand she is pissed and hurt and lashing out.  But she's lashing out at the wrong person.  She needs to lash out at her husband.  

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:51 PM
3 moms liked this

Either your husband is incredibly stupid or he actually wanted to get caught.

Jesus, he has an affair and didn't put a sock on it!  He could have been passing all kinds of shit on to you, you don't know where the other woman's been.

All I know is that DH would find himself out on the front curb or living with his babymama because it would be PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS TO ME that he thought that I wasn't good enough to be faithful to.  I have no time for someone that can't keep his dick in his pants outside of the marriage.

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:54 PM

 Ya...  her being pissed is very understandable. 

But she's got to realize a baby isn't a pawn and can't be used for revenge like this.  She's also got to realize that the person who is really at fault here isn't the OW, but her husband. 

While I don't think knowingly being and OW is ok, technically the OW wasn't breaking any vows, her husband was! 

Quoting Melina74:


Quoting whatIknownow:

are you seeking 50/50 just so you can control things, as a way of dealing with your husband's affair?

Does the future mom want 50/50?

I'm willing to bet it's about control, and anger.  Striking back at the OW.  As in, "you slept with my husband, took my security away in my relationship, so I'll take YOUR baby!"

Not downing her, I understand she is pissed and hurt and lashing out.  But she's lashing out at the wrong person.  She needs to lash out at her husband.  

 

babynurse244
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 

Found it. I do believe "Clusterfuck" is an understatement.

I get that things happen and you can't control someone else's behavior, married to them or not, but there is something really  not right in this whole "if we could only take the baby and raise it as our own, things would be so much better and we're better caregivers for this child than the mother could ever be".

Quoting BioNerd:

 Yes, but I do believe she deleted it.

Quoting babynurse244:

 

Where are the other posts? Hard to track when they post anonymous...

Quoting BioNerd:

 Aaaahhh yes. I remember you. My advice is the same now as it was then.

 

 

 


 

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