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Stepmother's Bill of Rights

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:01 PM
  • 86 Replies
12 moms liked this

I hate to post and run, but I JUST came across this and wanted to hear your thoughts. 

 ________________________________________________________________________

 A STEPMOTHER'S BILL OF RIGHTS

1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

3. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.

9. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

 

 source : http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2009/09/on-national-stepfamily-day-a-stepmothers-bill-of-rights/ 

 

 

  

❝ I found it is the small everyday
deeds of ordinary folk that keep
the darkness at bay. Small acts
of kindness and love. ❞

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:01 PM
7 moms liked this

So dumb.

Godlymom87
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:06 PM
Soooo what if the skid live with you do you treat them like an outsider. What if its like my case and the skid mom has pretty much said the hell with the kid and your so works an odd shift like 2nd do you still stick to your bill of rights?
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:06 PM



Quoting progressandjoy:
______

 A STEPMOTHER'S BILL OF RIGHTS


1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.


2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

**Only in your home.  Skids are your family, but you don't get a say in anything concerning them outside of your home/spouse.**
3. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

**There is this thing called a CO that already determines how skids will affect your life.  This is subject to change at any time...without your consent**
4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

**Again, only in your home**


5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

**Again, there is a thing called a CO that determines when they visit and how long they will stay.  If something happens to Mom then of course they come to Dad, whether you like it or not.**


6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

**Should already be shared with DH**

7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

**Damn that CO and CS!  If BM is eligible for more money and take it to court, she will get it. Again, without you being consulted.**


8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.


9. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

**Why would you be?  If you are then you and DH need to have a serious talk**


10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

**Why would anyone be disrespectful?  Unless you deserve it....**

 

Birdseed
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:08 PM


Oh wow... I'll play.  I'm in red  I agree with these ideas but in practice?  Yeah freaking right!

Quoting progressandjoy:

I hate to post and run, but I JUST came across this and wanted to hear your thoughts. 

 ________________________________________________________________________

 A STEPMOTHER'S BILL OF RIGHTS


1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

I freaking wish.  
2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

Nope.
3. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

Ha ha ha!
4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

Okay, yes.
5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

Not ever.  Nor would I honestly try to impose my will on this one.
6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

agree and it does work like this for us.

7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

ha!  kids first.  Loved the day I was told I better get a job so we can afford to get the kids and DH back and forth as it could not be done on his income alone.  I left my good job to follow him for his new job and now I'm working a job I hate just to cover kid stuff.  I don't get much say in this.
8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.

Not an issue for us now.  Used to be.  Had to have major knock down drag outs with BM over this. 
9. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

But I am.  or at least was until we moved into a "neutral" home that wasn't DH and the kids' and BM's first.


10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

agreed

 source : http://www.wednesdaymartin.com/blog/2009/09/on-national-stepfamily-day-a-stepmothers-bill-of-rights/ 






twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:10 PM

 

Dumb this is all issues with BF not BM.

A STEPMOTHER'S BILL OF RIGHTS

1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together. Ok

2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times. I don't want to hear you opinion unless BF makes it his opinion. I.E -SM think...nooo don't care

3. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent. He has responsibilities to our children before you popped on the scene doesn't change because he is fucking you.

4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.Great agree

5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay. Then adopted the not you kid , not your problem  you wont dictate  any such thing, read the CO.

6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.Don't care

7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters. Stay out of the CS read the CO.

8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. OK

9. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home. OK

10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.OK

 

Godlymom87
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:22 PM
As sad as it is some SM do interfere with number 5 ESP if the skid don't like her and she's not willing to try. Some BF will start to neglect their kids declining weekends they can even affect the money issue if you have a co set but if you have a good BF that dose extra once a new sm comes in some try and stop the extra he's doing. I don't think it's right but I just had had an argument with one of my friends over this. So things like this bill of rights some sm have in their head can cause trouble
LittleMama2012
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:23 PM
4 moms liked this
I agree...in theory. It doesn't take into account child support and the CO. In my home, I am apart of all decisions regarding the family and finances. But the co does not order child support. No one makes decisions that affect me without involving me. I shut that down pretty quickly. Of course Dh and bm couldn't get along long enough to write their co so they let me write it for them.

Everyone helps maintain our house. If you eat here, shit here, and sleep here for any period of time, you will help out. The degree of responsibility depends on age and amount of time spent here.

Everyone has respect for everyone. We all use manners. If I am not allowed to punish/reward SD when Dh is not here and I am not backed up by him, he will find a sitter.

cynnie22
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:24 PM

I'm not sure about #5.  When you marry someone with children you have to accept them as well, which means they are part of the family and just like any child can have access to their parent whenever they want.

Aliyahnangelo
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:25 PM
2 moms liked this

 I like how this sounds. It sounds fair. All it really comes down to is equality in the household between the adults in the marriage and CO-PARENTING, that means making all parenting decisions TOGETHER. If parents are on the same page, then the children will benefit greatly by being in a smooth sailing environment.  What is with all of the over analyzed, negative feedback on this post about? Aren't we all here to support eachother and give eachother advice?

twinklebites
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:29 PM

 

Yes and No. Some SM really think they are a legitimateparent and have just as much say-so as a BP, sometimes that is the case ,but the majority ,no. Some ladies views and opinion are not based in reality.

Quoting Aliyahnangelo:

 I like how this sounds. It sounds fair. All it really comes down to is equality in the household between the adults in the marriage and CO-PARENTING, that means making all parenting decisions TOGETHER. If parents are on the same page, then the children will benefit greatly by being in a smooth sailing environment.  What is with all of the over analyzed, negative feedback on this post about? Aren't we all here to support eachother and give eachother advice?


 

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