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Incoming student, parents night

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:41 PM
  • 14 Replies

SD is going to middle school next year, there's an incoming student parents' night at the school in June. DH can't take that time off, he's taking off an extra day the week before to go to SD's eye specialist and a week later for SD's 5th grade graduation. So, SD and I were going to go to the parents night.

The question here is should I invite BM?

DH and I only know about the parents night because I've been watching the online calendar for the new school. BM could easily do the same thing, she knows what school SD will be going to.

I mean, BM isn't involved with school, she's communicated with SD's current teacher 3 times (the PTC, and the first and third IEP meetings). If DH gives BM the option of taking SD we're never going to get any of the information, and DH is CP, and I am primary care taker who deals with the school a majority of the time. The parents night is mostly for the CP who will be dealing with the school, but technically the right thing to do is make sure BM knows, right?

I'm fairly certain BM and I could sit near each other for an hour and treat each other properly, especially with SD there and numerous other parents (several of which I will know). But, I always get so anxious/stressed when around BM because her behavior/reactions are never predictable.

Would DH and I be horrible if we didn't update BM about the parents night? Or should I just suck it up for SD and BM and tell her?

by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:43 PM
1 mom liked this

DH would let BM know because it's the right thing to do.  

He knows she doesn't watch the calendar and he knows she probably won't go.  If we go and she doesn't then all hell will break loose and she will take it out on SS's.  It takes him a few seconds to say "Parent night. June X @ X"

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:44 PM

If it were me I would let her know about it.  

packermomof2
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:47 PM

I don't let my ex know about those things anymore.  i figure he can read a reader board same as I can.  Or a newspaper.  Or even call the school. 

I used to let him know, but he never showed, so I stopped.  I decided to let him sink or swim... he sank.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM

 This is the exact same for me. 

Quoting packermomof2:

I don't let my ex know about those things anymore.  i figure he can read a reader board same as I can.  Or a newspaper.  Or even call the school. 

I used to let him know, but he never showed, so I stopped.  I decided to let him sink or swim... he sank.

 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:52 PM

See, that's kinda where DH and I are. I get a calendar every other week from school with updated information about events for the next 3-4 weeks. I've emailed or texted BM each and every time over the last 8 months about everything (school carnival, art show, open house, movie nights, etc). She's never shown up to anything school sponsored and she missed SD's IEP meeting where the specialists explained all of the tests and their results (and DH and I had purposely scheduled the meeting during a time that BM could be there and she just didn't show).

If it were important to her, she'd look at the calendar the same as DH and I. And the chances of her actually showing up are slim to none.

But, on the off chance she wants to show up to that, shouldn't she be given the chance??


Quoting packermomof2:

I don't let my ex know about those things anymore.  i figure he can read a reader board same as I can.  Or a newspaper.  Or even call the school. 

I used to let him know, but he never showed, so I stopped.  I decided to let him sink or swim... he sank.



packermomof2
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 1:59 PM

 


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

But, on the off chance she wants to show up to that, shouldn't she be given the chance??

 She knows she has a kid going into Middle School.  She knows there are things they do to make the transition easier (if she has any sort of brain about her).  Here they throw up the dates on the sign that is on a busy road.  Easily read by anyone passing.  We've had them on the community calendar on a local channel.  I'm not saying everywhere does that - but where there is a will there is a way.

Will she blame ex if she finds out?  Maybe.  But if you're not interested and you make no effort you have to start pointing those fingers at yourself instead of at the parent doing the work - and remember that the parent is only the parent of their children, not an ex who is capable of getting their own information.

"What country can preserve its liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance. Let them take arms."
Thomas Jefferson
to James Madison

"They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Ben Franklin
American Statesman
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:14 PM

You're right.

When SD was living 300 miles away DH knew every single event that went on at her school and was in communication with SD's teacher every week. BM lives 5 miles away and can't be bothered.

I guess this may be one of those times where we just have to suck it up and realize that we can't make her be the parent we want her to be. 


Quoting packermomof2:



Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

But, on the off chance she wants to show up to that, shouldn't she be given the chance??

 She knows she has a kid going into Middle School.  She knows there are things they do to make the transition easier (if she has any sort of brain about her).  Here they throw up the dates on the sign that is on a busy road.  Easily read by anyone passing.  We've had them on the community calendar on a local channel.  I'm not saying everywhere does that - but where there is a will there is a way.

Will she blame ex if she finds out?  Maybe.  But if you're not interested and you make no effort you have to start pointing those fingers at yourself instead of at the parent doing the work - and remember that the parent is only the parent of their children, not an ex who is capable of getting their own information.



Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:17 PM

That's your DH's choice.  Since the information is readily available online, I wouldn't call it "horrible" if you didn't extend a personal invite.  BM has the capacity, I assume, to be proactive about what's going on.  And if she decides to go, there's nothing to stop you from contacting teachers and requesting copies of whatever information is handed out.  BM of my SKs only recently (this school year) decided to be involved, and it was no big deal obtaining two copies of each of the handouts.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:26 PM

This just will not do.  You'll never keep up your pro-BM/anti-SM reputation with such situational logic.  Tsk, tsk...

Quoting packermomof2:

 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

But, on the off chance she wants to show up to that, shouldn't she be given the chance??

 She knows she has a kid going into Middle School.  She knows there are things they do to make the transition easier (if she has any sort of brain about her).  Here they throw up the dates on the sign that is on a busy road.  Easily read by anyone passing.  We've had them on the community calendar on a local channel.  I'm not saying everywhere does that - but where there is a will there is a way.

Will she blame ex if she finds out?  Maybe.  But if you're not interested and you make no effort you have to start pointing those fingers at yourself instead of at the parent doing the work - and remember that the parent is only the parent of their children, not an ex who is capable of getting their own information.

;-)

 

bottomline
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 2:33 PM

 It's not your DH's responsibility to inform bm of any such thing.  She can be as involved as she wants to be and is seems she chooses not to be. If you are going to feel bad about it then inform her. We stopped informing bm because unless it was payday friday, bm didn't want anything to do with the boys.

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