Just a question because I am not sure how to feel about it the more I think about it.
Okay so DH and BM fight a lot via text and email about SS's clothes. There have been times when BM yelled at DH while she was supposed to be talking to SS and knew she was on speaker phone. There have been other times when she has told SS that he needs to make sure Daddy returns the clothes in his backpack or else, SS was incredibly upset that time and it only happened once. BM has raged at drop offs. But since court and her getting yelled at by lawyers, judges and social workers she has backed off because she was told she was wrong to put SS in the middle. So now she sticks to text and email which doesn't bother me because it doesn't concern me. And when she yells at me in texts I've learned to ignore it.
Anyways the issue is that BM only sends SS in the clothes on his back and then expects us to return him in the same clothes which works unless it's a school day because DH has expanded standard. So he picks up Thursday and drops off Friday at school. DH has told BM that he is not going to send SS to school in the same clothes two days in a row. or even Thursday and the following Monday. DH told BM she could send two outfits and both would be returned at the end of the visititation or she could just keep sending the one and we would keep washing it and sending it back two weeks later on his body. The other option being that we send him in clean clothes to school and her dirty clothes in the back pack and then replace the wardrobe every two months because she never returns clothes or sends extra clothes. She throws a fit about this every week in a threatening text or email normally and DH ignores it since the lawyers and social worker do not see an issue with the way he is handling it. Except today when DH went through SS's back pack to sign his daily folder and look at his report card etc ... DH also found a note from BM in SS's things addressed to DH saying that he needs to return all of her articles of clothing (for the record we currently have ONE shirt of hers in our house). She goes on to say that she extends the same courtesy to him and she included in the back pack one of the outfits we have sent him in (pajamas from pj day at school last week) and not even the entire outfit mind you. Anyways that's a side note. The real questiong I have is about the note. It wasn't in an envelope and SS can read... I initially felt like it was an inappropriate form of communciation because she has email and text so why put a note that your child can read in his backpack if you are just going to accuse his father of doing something wrong and say that you are doing something right when you technically aren't?
Is it putting SS in the middle? Is it an appropriate way to communicate when you have other options? DH said I need to relax and I thought about it and it's probably not that big a deal to most people, but I was a sk and I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't have appreciated reading a note like that or being the messege carrier.