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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central
My name is April and I've been with my husbands for 8 years. His son was about 9 months old at the time. My husband I and have since then built a family together for my step son and our two daughters together. Unfortunately, I'm still having problems dealing with our sons mom. Even though I've taken on having him 3 to 4 days a week, picking him up from school, doing home work, taking him to baseball practices and games and everything else a mother does when he's with us, she still sees my role as her ex's girlfriend. Like I'm not our boys family. She also has complete boundary issues. Like when we go on trips, she'll reminds me how I'm going to have to pack for my husband, because he won't be able to do it on his own. Someone help me deal with her for my step sons sake.
by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Replies (21-30):
Wallacekidsmom
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Thank you!
Wallacekidsmom
by on May. 4, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Thank you! I'm trying to stay positive. I'm the only step mom in my work and just wanted to see how other step moms deal with the ex.
Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 10:13 PM
2 moms liked this

Thanks for pointing that out momof2. I noticed it after I posted my comment. The rest of my comment still applies however. Sometimes the women here are terribly rude and it gets hard to watch. I don't think I am the only one who notices this.

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2013 at 10:24 PM
2 moms liked this

HI wallace. It sounds like your husband needs to put the brakes on the ex wife. There is nothing you can really do, she doesn't value you it seems. He is the one who needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that you're both not interested in her little comments, like packing a suitcase. He also should be standing up for you to her and telling her that you are his wife, not his g/f. He needs to take charge of your family and protect you from the ex everytime he can. She is not your problem, she is his problem. Don't allow her to diminish the role you play in your own family. Personally, I would never be rude to a woman who had my child in her care 4 days a week. She seems a bit immature.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2013 at 10:57 PM

I personally don't deal with the ex.  :). She isn't my ex.  I didnt marry or procreate with her and she is not my concern. Nor am I hers, really.  I do what I do for my husband,who I love.  If bm wanted a good relationship with me, that would be fine. I had a very nice relationship with the bm from my first marriage.

But if bm doesn't want a relationship or doesn't acknowledge you.... Oh well.  

So long as your husband loves and appreciates you...  You are golden.  Don't look for validation from bm.  It will be easier on you :)

Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

Thank you! I'm trying to stay positive. I'm the only step mom in my work and just wanted to see how other step moms deal with the ex.



chanizen
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2013 at 11:13 PM
4 moms liked this

You will find that most of the time, people aren't rude to genuine seekers. There are differing viewpoints in here and, to me anyways, there is a big difference between someone looking for help and someone looking to have others join in their anger.


Sometimes it takes a bit of flat out honesty....No holds barred....To get someone who is really angry and really entrenched to see what they are really doing. I was such a sm (angry and frustrated, not entrenched). Some of the plain spoken advice that I found really rude and upsetting is the advice I now credit with helping me find balance in a tough situation.


if you stick around a while, you will definitely see why. We get some crazy women in here who are borderline abusive to kids, destroying their own lives with hatred or insist on rights which they would never give to, say, a mother in law. I get really animated, for example, when women want to give away ALL women's rights as mothers because they don't like their husband's ex.  But there are lots of personalities in here.  Some have been bantering for years.


So stick around.... Get to know folks :). Look for the good. Make peace, find happiness. 

Quoting Frustrated10:Thanks for pointing that out momof2. I noticed it after I posted my comment. The rest of my comment still applies however. Sometimes the women here are terribly rude and it gets hard to watch. I don't think I am the only one who notices this.


boysmom5
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2013 at 1:45 PM
Yea, the name is kinda deceiving. I'm a sm and a BM. My advice to you is to ignore BM's instructions when it comes to anything regarding your DH or your relationship with him. Acknowledge what she says in regards to ss and then go by what your DH says. Let him deal with BM. Other than that, figure out what works for you in your sitch and to heck with anyone else. Don't let anyone discourage you from finding what works for you and your family.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 



Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Are there other issues you're encountering?  Someone mentioning what to pack doesn't seem like a huge deal to me.  IMHO, it sounds like BM is trying to "pee on" your husband and pull the ol' "I was married to him first, I know best" routine.  Which is fine.  Hell, she might.  But she's not really trying to help you by mentioning this, she's just trying to get a response or prove that she knows best.  If you ignore it and don't react, it might go away.  MIght not.  

But what else is going on because that really doesn't seem indicative of a truly challenging situation. 

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2013 at 3:01 PM
2 moms liked this

Gah, the over sharing BM syndrome.  Telling you how to pack!  Ignore.  Seriously, just ignore.  And keep in mind that many of us were where you are, caring way too much about BMs validation of our role.  It's Ok, just figure out a way to see how unimportant it really easy.  Focus on your family, on your DH.  Pour your energy there.  Not Bm.

welcome and stick around.

minimoo
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 3:19 PM
What??? Since when???

Jk


Quoting momof2ex1:

Lol it's ok. Trying to prove here that we aren't cray cray!




Quoting KnowItAll:

Ah.  I reread it.  Wellll.....I guess I'll have to reword and say it's ok to be SM (instead of gf) and to embrace that.  :P

Quoting momof2ex1:

OP says she is married to her husband ... I got the impression that mom isn't accepting that she is married and still sees her as his girlfriend.








Quoting KnowItAll:

You need to accept that you are not the child's mother and will never be recognized as such. You aren't even officially the stepmother. There is nothing wrong with being dad's gf. It's what you are so embrace it.






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