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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central
My name is April and I've been with my husbands for 8 years. His son was about 9 months old at the time. My husband I and have since then built a family together for my step son and our two daughters together. Unfortunately, I'm still having problems dealing with our sons mom. Even though I've taken on having him 3 to 4 days a week, picking him up from school, doing home work, taking him to baseball practices and games and everything else a mother does when he's with us, she still sees my role as her ex's girlfriend. Like I'm not our boys family. She also has complete boundary issues. Like when we go on trips, she'll reminds me how I'm going to have to pack for my husband, because he won't be able to do it on his own. Someone help me deal with her for my step sons sake.
by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Replies (31-40):
minimoo
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 3:25 PM
Oh...and welcome!! :-)
CodeBlue
by on May. 5, 2013 at 4:27 PM


This is truly good advice, OP.  When I first entered into a relationship with a man who had kids...Boy did I care WAY too much about what BM was thinking, doing, texting...So much stress and drama that I could have avoided by just not caring about her.  I remember getting some advice that I was offended by...Little psycho-analyzing of myself and the situation and I realized I was offended because it was hurtful but true.  Now, some people truly are just rude.  But most people strive to give advice based off of their experiences and it is some GOOD advice.  Welcome. 

Quoting pdxmum:

Gah, the over sharing BM syndrome.  Telling you how to pack!  Ignore.  Seriously, just ignore.  And keep in mind that many of us were where you are, caring way too much about BMs validation of our role.  It's Ok, just figure out a way to see how unimportant it really easy.  Focus on your family, on your DH.  Pour your energy there.  Not Bm.

welcome and stick around.



abigailsmommy11
by Kelli on May. 5, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 





whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2013 at 4:53 PM
Your best bet is not to deal with BM at all. Just go about your business and take care of your family. It is nice of you to help your husband out with his son.
annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Why you care how she sees you?

Live your life and tell her f...off ( LOL not the way I put it, like nicely KWIM?)

packermomof2
by on May. 5, 2013 at 8:07 PM

Men must be such idiots to some women - can't handle a job and a kid and that is the reason they have a wife. 

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 5, 2013 at 8:37 PM

Stop engaging with BM.  Don't answer her emails or phone calls.  Tell her that anything she has to say can be said to DH.

I lead a pretty quiet life by excluding BM from my life.  My DH deals with her and tells me things she says if he thinks it's important for me to know (most of the time it isn't).


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I do what I do out of my own heart. We get him 3 to 4 days out of the week and most of the time we have him on her days too. I know I well never be his mom. I always want him to know he's a main character in our lives, not an extra. BTW, he is my husband. My stepsons mom just has a problem thinking of me that way. I would love for us to one day have a positive relationship. Right now we just get on each others nerves. Either way my husband and I have a family and that includes our boy.



pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2013 at 10:57 PM


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 







whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM


I agree. Those of us here who are both SM and BM will tell you... the best way to peace and happiness in steplife, is to find a way to not worry about BM or what she is saying.

Quoting pdxmum:


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 









abigailsmommy11
by Kelli on May. 6, 2013 at 1:08 AM

Actually, I have stopped asking for advice because I haven't gotten any good advice. I have tried to share things and have stopped doing that because it gets picked apart by Bm's for no reason. Yes, I did make that remark because on a group that is titled "Stepmom Central" I find it ridiculous how most of the comments I see are focused on the Bm's. This should be a place where Sm's are safe to vent and not have some Bm bash them for it.

Honestly, take whatever advice you want, but I am entitled to my opinion.


Quoting pdxmum:


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 









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