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My name is April and I've been with my husbands for 8 years. His son was about 9 months old at the time. My husband I and have since then built a family together for my step son and our two daughters together. Unfortunately, I'm still having problems dealing with our sons mom. Even though I've taken on having him 3 to 4 days a week, picking him up from school, doing home work, taking him to baseball practices and games and everything else a mother does when he's with us, she still sees my role as her ex's girlfriend. Like I'm not our boys family. She also has complete boundary issues. Like when we go on trips, she'll reminds me how I'm going to have to pack for my husband, because he won't be able to do it on his own. Someone help me deal with her for my step sons sake.
by on May. 4, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Replies (41-49):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2013 at 1:28 AM


Of course you are entitled to your opinion.  I am also entitled to speak truth when someone wants to make a gross generalizations about members of this group.  Do you really believe that only bitter BMs pick apart what you share and truly have no reason to do so except that you are a SM?

you might want to try a little self reflection.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Actually, I have stopped asking for advice because I haven't gotten any good advice. I have tried to share things and have stopped doing that because it gets picked apart by Bm's for no reason. Yes, I did make that remark because on a group that is titled "Stepmom Central" I find it ridiculous how most of the comments I see are focused on the Bm's. This should be a place where Sm's are safe to vent and not have some Bm bash them for it.

Honestly, take whatever advice you want, but I am entitled to my opinion.


Quoting pdxmum:


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 











momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2013 at 2:05 AM
I saw that comment earlier. I've learned just to ignore her. I had completely forgotten about it. I don't respond to her posts anymore. It's like a mental block. Since they don't allow you to actually block people.


Quoting pdxmum:


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.


Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.



Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.



This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.





Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.







Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 












Posted on CafeMom Mobile
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 6, 2013 at 8:22 AM

Why are you trying to sabotage this post? People are trying to help the OP out, and you are trying to derail the conversation.


Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Actually, I have stopped asking for advice because I haven't gotten any good advice. I have tried to share things and have stopped doing that because it gets picked apart by Bm's for no reason. Yes, I did make that remark because on a group that is titled "Stepmom Central" I find it ridiculous how most of the comments I see are focused on the Bm's. This should be a place where Sm's are safe to vent and not have some Bm bash them for it.

Honestly, take whatever advice you want, but I am entitled to my opinion.


Quoting pdxmum:


Yeah, OP, not sure how seriously you want to take abigailsmommy, for a poster who thinks we give bad advice from a bunch of bitter BMs, she sure does keep posting for advice.  Plus she never fails to find an opportunity to bash BMs.  In a post about this forum she recently stated:

But those of you on here who are not a Sm at all should GTFO.


The goal that you will here from those of us with relative peace in their steplife are those of us who have found neutrality in regards to BM, not active name calling hate.  There are a few BMs who are not SMs on this forum.  Not many.  Most of us are both.  So abigailsmommy has anyone who disagree with her categorized as a bitter BM.  

You decide who you want to take advice from.

and by the way, I am both a BM and a SM.

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

Lol This is not a good group for advice, it's a good group to come get bashed by a bunch of bitter Bm's. This group is almost as dramatic as MC now.


Quoting momof2ex1:

Ignore her.

This is a good group and you have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the situation and the comments. This is not a private group but you can get constructive advice if you are willing to not get mad when it's not something you really want to hear. I often really dig deep when something triggers me to feel defensive. It means it touched a sore spot.


Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I'm confused! I thought I wad in a private group for stepmoms. I'm just looking to get advise from other step moms on how to get a long with my stepsons mom.




Quoting MilkLover0203:

You'll learn, not the best place to ask for advice. I know, you would think it is but it isn't. Find a couple private groups to chat with. It just gets ugly. As for your situation, it has been eight years. It isn't gonna change. You just have to deal with it. It is what it is. 











jazzymom760
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:51 AM
1 mom liked this
How do you deal with her you ask?

Oh that's simple, you don't.

All she's looking for is attention, be it negative or positive. Don't give her the time of day. Simple as that. Keep doing YOU and watch her wither away :)
deadlights86
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Your dh needs to grow some balls and tell her to leave you alone. Or tell her yourself to leave you alone or you will go to police for harassment. Unless it has to do with the child she has no reason to talk to you. In fact she could just go through you dh. I never talk to my SS bio mom course neither does he. But even when she was in contact I never spoke to her.

Wallacekidsmom
by on May. 6, 2013 at 2:44 PM
Thank you everyone for all the good advice! It's good to hear from other step moms. I don't know any stepparents in my world, so it's nice to know I'm not alone in this situation. I've been discussing this conversation with my husband this weekend and is open up things for us. Thank you to all the positive comments and good luck!
bottomline
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 3:09 PM

 You will find peace when you stop caring what bm is doing. Just keep your focus on you and your family. She will act foolish all on her own, so don't get involved. When you stop reacting to her she will get bored with the game she is playing. In the meantime, your energy is on your family and making the most out of life. You will be happier in the long run trust me!!

Steamedpuddle30
by Hi, my name is... on May. 6, 2013 at 3:24 PM
This:-)

And welcome!!:-) you will get very good advice on here. Even if you feel it's wrong sometimes it's what's right. GL. And I stopped trying to have positive relationship w bm for a whole now. It's been good! We r civil and that's good enough.

You do what you gotta do at your home and believe me she won't ever appreciate what you do for her son. I have been there and done that. Same as you. Even time the SS to some of his " firsts "events. Just focus on you and DONT talk to her anymore! I love that advice!:-)


Quoting momof2ex1:

That is exactly the point! You do these things out of the kindness of your heart. Not for her or to get her to acknowledge you. But because you care about your husband and his son and you want to do these things. I am going to be blunt. Stop thinking about a positive relationship. It likely isn't going to happen. It's been 8 years. Just focus on your home and your family and ignore the stuff she says. Let your husband deal with her.




Quoting Wallacekidsmom:

I do what I do out of my own heart. We get him 3 to 4 days out of the week and most of the time we have him on her days too. I know I well never be his mom. I always want him to know he's a main character in our lives, not an extra. BTW, he is my husband. My stepsons mom just has a problem thinking of me that way. I would love for us to one day have a positive relationship. Right now we just get on each others nerves. Either way my husband and I have a family and that includes our boy.

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Derdriu
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 3:27 PM

Why do you deal with her?  And to what extent?

I discovered early on (well, around the 2-yr mark) that the best way to deal with BM of my SKs was to not deal with her at all.  If I need to coordinate PU/DO, we may talk or exchange texts.  Otherwise, she has no reason whatsoever to text or call me, so I ignore any incoming communications or fwd straight to DH.  She's his ex.  He can deal with her. 

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